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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask how much you save for your kids over the year compared to what you spend at Christmas

105 replies

GordonsAliveAndEatsPies · 21/11/2020 17:40

This has been triggered by the "what do you spend on your kids at Christmas" thread, because looking at the figures I would say we spend less than the top figures on each DC but definitely save quite a lot more "on behalf" of each child when you add up pensions, Isa's and pocket money.

I am just wondering if we are unusual in our thinking? Is it about putting money in their names (which I certainly understand is something we will have to cross when time comes) or is it something else?

BTW I am aware this is a sensitive subject and we are lucky we can do this and it's certainly not meant to be goady.

OP posts:
Original poster
GordonsAliveAndEatsPies · 22/11/2020 13:37

Obviously literally just me who wonders about savings in the future versus presents now! Oh well...

OP posts:
OverTheRainbow88 · 22/11/2020 13:40

We tend to save more a month over the year for both kids than we give them for birthday/Christmas if that’s what you mean?

My family’s/ my mil tend to transfer us money for their birthdays and Christmas to choose something for them. We usually spend a small amount and put the rest into their savings.

I think long term planning is more beneficial for them than an extra toy!

GalOopNorth · 22/11/2020 13:43

We spend about £100 per DC at Christmas

We save about £100 per month for each of them. Not including what they will eventually benefit from for eg overpaying the mortgage of the house they will eventually inherit (hopefully).

NeverTwerkNaked · 22/11/2020 13:45

Definitely save more for them than we spend on gifts. We also spend a lot more on hobbies /tutors etc than we spend on gifts.

We also give them a reasonable amount of pocket money as I feel they should have some independence to choose toys etc they want as well.

For me it is definitely about striking a balance. Christmas and birthdays tend to just come out of or disposable income for that month rather than something we save for.

kittykat35 · 22/11/2020 13:45

I save each childs child benefit so 140 per child per month- to be used for university/ house dep or whatever. My eldest has over 12k already and the youngest has around 9k. We are very lucky to be able to do this though, I am aware of that.

For Christmas and birthdays I save 100 per month.

NeverTwerkNaked · 22/11/2020 13:47

Also agree that my other focus is on overpaying mortgage and paying well into our pension

But that doesn't come at the expense of fun trips at Christmas or a few decent gifts.
We aren't a "mound of gifts" type family but they always get stuff they want.

Snog · 22/11/2020 13:47

Are you saving into pensions for your dc?

NoSquirrels · 22/11/2020 13:49

We save a bit every month for each DC in their name - about the same as we spend on their birthdays each year (presents & party/outing). So that ‘cancels out’ I guess.

We spend less per child on Christmas presents than birthdays, but it’s expensive overall as there’s loads of things to spend money on ‘for Christmas’ that aren’t just presents.

Pocket money I don’t count as saving for them - it’s theirs to spend.

I expect that in addition to the savings in their name at 18 we’ll be paying out much more in university costs or further training and support as young adults for a few years - so those savings will be in our names not theirs.

I don’t think saving for their future is more important than fun times now if I can do a healthy amount of both.

NeverTwerkNaked · 22/11/2020 13:50

I don't think all the focus should be on the future either though. having watched a child fight for their life several times I know their future isn't guaranteed and like to enjoy "now" with them too, whether that is fun adventures or a gift they really want (as well as all the things that don't cost money of course)

NoSquirrels · 22/11/2020 13:52

I also don’t want any them to feel burdened by my dire financial situation in adulthood so we save for retirement so they won’t have to stress about us.

It’s all a juggle, isn’t it? If you can only afford to save £20 a month, I can see why you’d spend most of that in the here and now for your kids rather than saving for the long-term.

Hotelhelp · 22/11/2020 13:57

How is someone getting £140 per month per child child benefit? Hmm

We don’t save for the kids and do spend a lot at Christmas.

My parents never saved for me but did give me a lump sum to put down as a deposit after they received their inheritance.

I might start some savings for them but tbh would rather give them a nice life now.

Wond3rment · 22/11/2020 13:59

We have an education fund that we add to throughout the year, along with paying school fees monthly (1000 per mth).

Our pensions are not where they should be due to a financial wobble about 10 yrs ago for DH’s business, I have to get this sorted in the coming year.

We have a mortgage that when cleared will be an asset that the children may choose to sell and split when we’re gone. We are fortunate to be in our forever home. The one concern with this is that one or both of us may need Nursing Home care in later years, the value of the house will be needed for that if we are to become long term residents.

We also have a rental property that will be asset for us in retirement or for the children.

The children have savings accounts themselves, our mantra on gifts of money is ‘spend half, save half’ allowing them to enjoy the gift in the now and also think of what they would like to save towards. So far so good on that front.

It’s such an individual thing for each family really.

Wond3rment · 22/11/2020 14:03

@Hotelhelp

How is someone getting £140 per month per child child benefit? Hmm

We don’t save for the kids and do spend a lot at Christmas.

My parents never saved for me but did give me a lump sum to put down as a deposit after they received their inheritance.

I might start some savings for them but tbh would rather give them a nice life now.

I would think that person may live in Rep of Ireland, monthly children’s allowance of €140 for school going children.
ScrapThatThen · 22/11/2020 14:05

We spend up to £200 all in for Christmas per child I should think.
We save £50 pm per child into CTF+endowment that they will get at 18 and save £500pm towards a fund intended to be used as our parental contribution to uni loan (they won't be entitled to take the full loan so this is a must - we will need to top up £5000 per child per year of uni so are aiming to save £30k in this fund ).

kremeshe · 22/11/2020 14:05

It's a difficult balancing act, we both do AVCs as pension is important & don't want to be a burden in that way.
We save every month for their future but also for holidays/days out as there needs to be a mixture.
Don't save for xmas but don't spend more than £500 on them & often less.

Phoenix21 · 22/11/2020 14:06

We probably save more than we spend on Christmas and birthdays (but pre Covid still had a lot of fun). However we are in a position to do so.

For those those constantly have to tell their children they cannot afford x,y,z across the year?

Well I understand why they might want to give them a nice Christmas and birthday at least.

A security guard relative tells a story of stopping a woman who had stolen some booties from Woolworths (yes that long ago). She told him that everything from bottles to blankets the child had was second third fourth hand. She just wanted something nice and new for her baby.

I can empathise with that.

kremeshe · 22/11/2020 14:07

@ScrapThatThen who is your CTF with of you don't mind. I need to do an audit of all our savings & work out if I have the best options.

AlwaysLatte · 22/11/2020 14:09

We don't save a set amount per year but every few years we put a few thousand in their accounts. They've also had some generous gifts and inheritance from family over the years so they've currently got around £50k each. I treat Christmas as a totally separate thing.

NeonIcedcoffee · 22/11/2020 14:11

Wow! So this is how privilege works!

NeverTwerkNaked · 22/11/2020 14:14

@NeonIcedcoffee

Wow! So this is how privilege works!
I am not sure I understand the point you are trying to make Neon?
Porcupineinwaiting · 22/11/2020 14:16

We dont really save for them in the way you mean. We save for us, and part of that money is earmarked to help with university living costs (c£21,000 per child ) but that money is in our names. If some emergency comes up between now and then, then they may not get it. If they dont go to uni they'll get it for something else.

I would quite like to help them with a house deposit at some time in the future but well have to see if that's possible.

I've never really thought it was my job to set my kids up with a nest egg tbh. I see my job is to care for and educate them and instil a work ethic so they are ready to go out and earn their own living.

kittykat35 · 22/11/2020 14:31

@Hotelhelp I am in Ireland where child benefit is 140 per child per month. Not means tested either.

Mycircusmymonkey · 22/11/2020 14:34

I would say we save more than we spend although as they are now teenagers that gap has narrowed somewhat!

Whattheactual20201 · 22/11/2020 15:07

I think ours is pretty equal
Both DC have a savings accounts. DC 13 has 17000 so far and DD 7 12,000 ( this will go towards uni / moving out etc
We spend a lot at Xmas though So probably equal.
I save any bonus and commission work I get for them which is how it’s added up.
They will also inherit a a house and any savings I have left.

reluctantbrit · 22/11/2020 15:16

I don't have a fixed amount to spend for birthday or Christmas as it always depends on DD's wishes and needs. For her birthday this year she got a laptop she wanted but also because she needed one for school.

For Christmas her most expensive present will be around £50 I think, a pair of headphones.

We save £250/months for her and the grandparents pay into a funds account as well. That is for driving lessons/college/moving out but it is under our control, not one of those children ISAs.