To strongly dislike receiving unwarranted parenting advice from the public?

[MillyA]

I've just been to Sainsbury's and my 18 month old was in the pram having a tantrum to rival a banshee because she was tired. I did all I could to settle her but she was having none of it.

A woman stopped me on an aisle to suggest DD is probably hungry. I explained she wasn't hungry she was tired.

"Oh" she replied "maybe she's a bit hot in that coat too" (a rain coat because you know, it's raining outside)

I appreciate a sympathetic smile or a kind comment like "don't worry, we've all been there" or "mine was the same" like the lovely sales assistant said to me at the check out.. but I think telling another parent what they should be doing is rude.

AIBU?

YANBU. Unless you look at your wit’s end, other people need to mind their own business.

oh Jesus give me strength.

When my DD was a baby I was waiting in the queue once at a Boots to buy something, DD in a buggy. It was sub-zero outside. DD was crying. Not in a desperate way, just the low-level whinging babies do.

A women took it upon herself to unzip DD's rain cover and remove her blanket. I asked what she was doing and she started hectoring me. It was in a foreign language (which I happened to understand but she didn't know that) but she was saying I was irresponsible and my DD was at risk of overheating dangerously etc.

We were there fore inside of five minutes all told and I had to wrap her back up again to go outside in the sleet.

Words failed me.

I pinched this from another thread and am finding it very useful:

It's annoying but it sounds like she was genuinely trying to help. I'd much rather have that than people rolling their eyes.

Although I did want to punch people for recommending ginger biscuits when I felt nauseous during pregnancy. Must've been about 50 thousand people.

Yup. I was once pacing the block with baby DD who would not quieten down despite being fed, burped, cuddled, you name it. Cue a total stranger crossing the road to tell me that it was colic. Thanks very much!

JimmyTheBrave

I don't think she was trying to help. I think she was being interfering stickybeak.

There's a certain type of woman (I'm afraid it is mainly women) who get a weird kick out of dispensing "well intended" advice to women with young babies who clearly are struggling. I don't think there's anything well intentioned about it, its a power trip by people who don't have anything better to occupy themselves with.

I'm glad I'm not alone in hating it. I'm fairly tolerant and patient but it does piss me off.

I actually appreciate the kind smiles or words of solidarity but the lecturing I cannot stand.

It isn't the first time and I'm sure won't be the last. I used to get it nigh on every time I went out with DS as a baby as he would scream non stop, it turned out to be that he has autism. The strangers in the shop would have diagnosed him with chronic hunger, though.

Arrrgh I completely agree. A smile or sympathetic comment is fine but unnecessary advice or rude comments drive me barmy.

I had DS (only just 11 months) out in the pushchair a few weeks ago and he hadn't napped (this is a common occurrence) and therefore he was being whingy. I was trying to placate him whilst waiting to pay for the nappies I was buying and a random women started tutting, she then loudly told the person she was with that I should take home or feed him or something to shut hin up, I ignored her. Then about a minute later she turned to me and said he needs to learn to behave if you're gonna bring him shopping. Im not proud of myself but without thinking I snapped back you need to learn to mind your own fucking business. to her credit she did stop with the advice after that.

Fir me it always seems like ederly men that want to get invovled. One day after school a couplenif years ago we went to the local suoermarket. Once outside ds was sitting on a low wall reading a magazine and i had mynphone in my hand. Enter elderly man strage right "tsk kids these days popping out babies and then ignoring them for theyre phones." I was tired andbin a lot of pain and honestly i didnt have the enegy to be polite. "1 im on uber watching for my ride home 2 im 30 3 ds is fine hes reading. 4 who the fuck asked you?." At this point my uber arrived so we just left.we had one before lockdown as well we were in town and ds was looking at something hed just brought on a bench. I had moved away as i needed tonansqer a phone call id been waiting for. Ds was 13 at the time and perfectly happy just still an elderly man decides to walk up to him and ask where hiparenta are i instamtly strat to walk the maybe 6-8 feet between us and say "here" again a tsk and muttering about irresponsible parents abandoning their kids whilst walking off... He was old enough to be in town by himself never mind i wasnt far away at all andbhe looks his age or older.

A older woman told me I was ridiculous for talking to my child like she was an adult recently.

My child is just under a year, she may not understand me but I still talk to her as I feel it’s good for her language and development! No idea why it offended her so much🤷🏼‍♀️🙈

Blimey, and I thought my woman in the shop today was rude.

Some of these accounts have made me

My patience was running low after my impromptu parenting class in the fruit and veg aisle, I was very grateful for the kindness from the sales assistant!

Any unsolicited advice is unacceptable.

Maybe only way it's ok ia when you're in danger. Like you might not want to walk off that cliff type thing. But those circumstances are very limited!

I once got attacked in a supermarket by an older women for buying formula when (and I quote) I have perfectly adequate breasts to feed him and I shouldn't deprive him.

I get this quite often. My youngest has always been very strong willed and will frequently refuse to wear a coat/tie his shoe laces/normal things etc. He's too old for me to make him do these things so unless there's a real danger I explain the consequences (from me for not doing what I've asked and natural consequences eg- you'll be cold/wet etc) and let him put up with them.

I have often been told by total strangers something along the lines of 'He should be wearing a coat, it's too cold to go out like that'. I tend to just smile and agree but really want to say 'No shit- I hadn't thought of that when the rest of us put our coats on- I definitely haven't spend the last 20 minutes telling him the same thing- I'll know for next time'. Quite often the person offering their opinion has been in earshot when I've been trying to persuade him myself so I have no idea why they feel telling me will help.

Honestly, don't let it bother you. I had one parent rip me to shreds on a packed bus 12 years ago because my DDs hair was short & I was abusive (it was shaved off for cranial surgery).

I think they are often of a certain age and think "They know Best" forgetting entirely what life is like with young DC. Many of them are /will be DGMs as well so pity their poor DILs!

@dottiedodah In my case it was a mum the same age as me with a DC the same age of mine.

Mine are older now but I remember so we'll hated people watching and staring or commenting at tantrums or over exuberance in the park. An older woman told me off in a hateful way when my two boys (just five minutes from home) had loads of fun getting wet, laughing and running around in a downpour, instead of staying under shelter. It was a great excuse for me to get them in the bath and then PJs, but she told me off for not controlling them in front of others.

Most of these interfering bods are a whole lot better than the obvious kid-haters I’ve encountered in Switzerland, including one revolting pensioner who arrived after us in the supermarket queue, tutted constantly while I was paying, and then started throwing my purchases towards me and haranguing me because I was taking “too long” to pack. DD was 3 weeks old in a newborn car seat and I was post-cesarean.
Thank your lucky stars if you’re only getting unsolicited advice.

Could be worse.

Outside the supermarket I was surrounded by the gang of four all playing up at once , infanticide imminent. A dear little old lady hobbled up and said sympathetically " My dear, just wait till they're all grown up, their problems are far worse then. These are the happiest days of your life so make the most of it".

She was probably trying to make you feel better by making up the excuse that your child is probably hungry. I've just been to sainsburys and seen the cutest little girl in the sweetest dress and bows in her hair having a paddy full on stomping her little foot. Her mum was probably mortified but I thought she looked adorable. Little diva.

@Pretenditsaplan

Fir me it always seems like ederly men that want to get invovled. One day after school a couplenif years ago we went to the local suoermarket. Once outside ds was sitting on a low wall reading a magazine and i had mynphone in my hand. Enter elderly man strage right "tsk kids these days popping out babies and then ignoring them for theyre phones." I was tired andbin a lot of pain and honestly i didnt have the enegy to be polite. "1 im on uber watching for my ride home 2 im 30 3 ds is fine hes reading. 4 who the fuck asked you?." At this point my uber arrived so we just left.we had one before lockdown as well we were in town and ds was looking at something hed just brought on a bench. I had moved away as i needed tonansqer a phone call id been waiting for. Ds was 13 at the time and perfectly happy just still an elderly man decides to walk up to him and ask where hiparenta are i instamtly strat to walk the maybe 6-8 feet between us and say "here" again a tsk and muttering about irresponsible parents abandoning their kids whilst walking off... He was old enough to be in town by himself never mind i wasnt far away at all andbhe looks his age or older.

Ive found the same with elderly men, they used to get really concerned that my baby would expire under the shade a babe thing on my pushchair, I just pointed out it was breathable

@LoveMyKidsAndCats

She was probably trying to make you feel better by making up the excuse that your child is probably hungry. I've just been to sainsburys and seen the cutest little girl in the sweetest dress and bows in her hair having a paddy full on stomping her little foot. Her mum was probably mortified but I thought she looked adorable. Little diva.

Very, very annoying, but it's been going on forever. Deep breath; smile/eye roll depending on your mood; and ignore.

What is it with strangers wanting socks on babies at all times too??