To strongly dislike receiving unwarranted parenting advice from the public?

[MillyA]

I've just been to Sainsbury's and my 18 month old was in the pram having a tantrum to rival a banshee because she was tired. I did all I could to settle her but she was having none of it.

A woman stopped me on an aisle to suggest DD is probably hungry. I explained she wasn't hungry she was tired.

"Oh" she replied "maybe she's a bit hot in that coat too" (a rain coat because you know, it's raining outside)

I appreciate a sympathetic smile or a kind comment like "don't worry, we've all been there" or "mine was the same" like the lovely sales assistant said to me at the check out.. but I think telling another parent what they should be doing is rude.

AIBU?

I was just going to say the same about elderly men! There has been the odd annoying woman but I've found in the whole older women are usually very helpful and kind, especially with tantruming toddlers.

The elderly men I've encountered, however have actually been extremely rude and even aggressive (don't worry, I'm not shy in being aggressive back!). I wouldn't care but they're of a generation where they probably didn't even look after their own fucking kids because their wives did it all!

If it's well intentioned I smile and ignore. If I think it's not I smile and tell them to fuck off

My DD had a mega tantrum once and wouldn't t go in the buggy and wouldn't wear her reins.

This was in Liverpool one a few Christmases ago.

I tried to fold her in. Nope, she just went stiff so I couldn't.

Carried on like mad for about twenty mins. Stamping feet the lot.

A man came over and offered to hold the buggy whilst I was trying to grapple her in.

Am old lady came over to say I was doing a great job.

Then some Chinese tourists starting filming her because she looked idyllic in a little white furry coat with fairy wings on for where the reins attached.

I had to just laugh to myself in the end and give up till she tired herself out. I was a bit mortified at the time.

@nancybotwinbloom

My DD had a mega tantrum once and wouldn't t go in the buggy and wouldn't wear her reins.

This was in Liverpool one a few Christmases ago.

I tried to fold her in. Nope, she just went stiff so I couldn't.

Carried on like mad for about twenty mins. Stamping feet the lot.

A man came over and offered to hold the buggy whilst I was trying to grapple her in.

Am old lady came over to say I was doing a great job.

Then some Chinese tourists starting filming her because she looked idyllic in a little white furry coat with fairy wings on for where the reins attached.

I had to just laugh to myself in the end and give up till she tired herself out. I was a bit mortified at the time.

Ahhh toddlers 😂❤️

Dd1 basically screamed for 3 months as a baby I was at my wits end visited numerous gps etc. Used to have to walk the streets with her yelling. Was often builders on scaffolding who would shout out their suggestions!

My baby was born too early and too small which invited a lot of comments. When she was released from SCBU she was 7 weeks but looked like a newborn. I live in a London Nappy Valley...usually it was, "oh, she's tiny, how old is she?" But one woman asked me if I had any "bad habits" during pregnancy (I did not) and another couldn't believe how old she was and called her "unfortunate". It upset me at the time. Baby is now a five foot 6 14 yo teenager and has no development problems at all. Far from being unfortunate, she's a success, as 99% of our children are.

I was with DH who was holding DS in an awkward sideways manner. A woman came over to show him how to hold a baby properly but went away quickly when we showed her the shit running down DS' leg which DH was stopping from dripping onto the floor.

My DD is 6 but looks younger.

Last year when she was in year 1 we went to the shop after school, she's in uniform, logoed so obvious which school she goes to.

Got told by someone that it's such a shame parents are pushing their kids to go to school so early now a days because they can't be bothered to look after them,

I was not very polite, said she's over legal school age although doesn't look it and it wasn't any of her business anyway.

Yep my then 2 year old was having a tantrum because I wouldn't let him have a kinda egg that was on a shelf by the shop counter.
Some woman started tutting telling the shop keeper what a horrible mummy I was and that it wouldn't hurt him.
I did tell her that maybe I should let him play with the bleach down the cleaning Isle or the razors if he wanted to have them as well ffs.
I bet if I let him have it I would of been told that I gave in to easy as well.

@Castiel07

I'd forgotten about this but my DD kicked off a a till.

She'd been a bit of a dick anyway and I'd warned her no sweets.

She carried on anyway and the sweets were put back.

I had to carry her, four bags of shopping out the Asda with her under my arm like I was stealing her. Walked past two police officers who never batted an eyelid and I felt so uncomfortable I said "she is mine" they just laughed. Pretty sure they should of stopped me tbh.

A lady helped me load my shopping into the car. The one and only time I've accepted help!

Yep they are the only two times for me I've had to deal with a tantrum in public anyway.

I never know what to say to people who are going through it. I usually just smile and say something like "fucking hell it gets easier" because I feel like you should offer support to people but also don't want to make them feel worse. I think everyone with kids has it at one point or another

YANBU!!!
This grinds my bloody gears!!!!
Dd was realllyyyy bad with colic and reflux so screamed most of been a baby, one lady in morrisons said to me "she's probably hungry" oh well she had it!
I said "well in fact no she has colic and really bad reflux she's had a bottle and her meds but this is what she is like and I don't need you to judge me as I'm just trying to get a bloody food shop in!
Well she was beyond shocked and lost for words. She said sorry and the lady at the till said people shouldn't say things like that because yes it could be a tantrum or it could be what I was dealing with. You never know!
Ds has a disability and people who don't know him will say at the park etc" oh he's going to fall"
Well he isn't. I'm his mum and I ain't going to modecodle him just because he has a disability he's a normal little boy and you know nothing. He's just wobbly. He isn't going to fall so shut up and let him play!!
Ajxjisjcbjsjxa 😤😤

We went on holiday to essouaria in Morrocco when the kids were 2 and 5. We got them some candy floss one day on the prom, and when they were part way through eating each in their trademark incredibly messy manner when an
Old woman came and sat down next to them and watched them closely. When they’d finished this woman gave my two the most comprehensive unasked for washing. She got up, filled a bottle of water from the fountain and used her hands to wash them. They both meekly accepted the washing whilst my husband and i looked on in astonished mirth. Then she walked off without talking to us atall!

YABU you should be eternally grateful for the endless advice proffered by strangers when you have DC and implement every piece of batshit, conflicting advice you possibly can.

Your child will grow up just fine, just do the hens-arse-mouth whenever anyone offers you advice and ignore it all.

My son once had an epic meltdown in a small but busy side entrance to our Morrisons. The entrance was about 10ft by 10ft. I stood there holding him for half an hour , struggling and sweating as he yelled, hit me and threatened to run into the car park. No one helped . No staff asked if I was ok. I would have loved someone to speak to me then. I managed to carry him under my arm on the travelator whilst he was still screaming. By then I had tears rolling down my face and again no one helped

I had one (now long time ex) 'friend' tell me I should use a dummy when DD1 was hungry. I never needed to use a dummy and she was a bitch though (nothing wrong with using a dummy and I know they can reduced SIDS but I grew up somewhere no-one ever uses them so I was quite relaxed about being a human dummy). So I know sometomes other people's 'advice' is not worth listening to.

Having said that I've suggested to a friend that her tiny PFB was hungry (she was doing the head shaking thing) and she didn't want my advice, was still convinced that a routine would work even when she'd messed up her DDs routine by keeping her awake. I let it go of course but sometime other people are more experienced parents and it's worth considering their opinion when you are a brand new parent.

YANBU. Unsolicited advice is enraging and often makes you feel inches tall. I work on the idea that 99/100 times I have no idea wtf is actually going on when I see a fractious baby and a parent trying fruilessly to soothe them or doing their best to finish a task / get out of a shop asap to give a baby their full attention. Best thing I can do is give a sympathetic smile and move on!

My DM always recalls me howling my head as a toddler whilst she queued up in Safeways. The bloke behind her suggested to his mrs that I needed a good slap. DM turned round and said "and if I do that, you'd be first on the phone to childline, too, I bet".

When DD1 was tiny, she had a terrible tantrum clinging onto the railings outside the park shouting 'I don't want to go home!'. She was wailing and screaming and I couldn't get her to move. Everyone was staring. All I could do was say 'it's time to go' over and over.

An elderly chap walked over and I thought 'here we go' and braced myself for some unsolicited advice. Instead he actually patted me gently on the shoulder and said 'Hold fast love. You're doing a grand job' and walked off. I could have cried!

YANBU. Violation of Parent Code 18627.476. It's infuriating and you don't realise just how much it's overstepping the mark until you've been on the receiving end of it.

OMG yes.

My pet hates were 'Ooh, baby's hungry mummy!' as if they think they're the babywhisperer and can magically tell what the wailing is about. Or 'I think someone needs a feed' then looking meaningfully at me as if I'm meant to whip them out (I didn't breastfeed DD anyway).

I quite like sarcastic responses. They make you feel like a dick for about 10 seconds but they're also quite satisfying.

[quote nancybotwinbloom]@Castiel07

I'd forgotten about this but my DD kicked off a a till.

She'd been a bit of a dick anyway and I'd warned her no sweets.

She carried on anyway and the sweets were put back.

I had to carry her, four bags of shopping out the Asda with her under my arm like I was stealing her. Walked past two police officers who never batted an eyelid and I felt so uncomfortable I said "she is mine" they just laughed. Pretty sure they should of stopped me tbh.

A lady helped me load my shopping into the car. The one and only time I've accepted help!

Yep they are the only two times for me I've had to deal with a tantrum in public anyway.

I never know what to say to people who are going through it. I usually just smile and say something like "fucking hell it gets easier" because I feel like you should offer support to people but also don't want to make them feel worse. I think everyone with kids has it at one point or another
[/quote]
I've had help a few times when my youngest son who has Autism has had a meltdown, and then Ive had people ask me "is there something wrong with him" is a nasty way.
I don't mind when people offer constructive help its just when it's snide comments.
I think most parents have been through similar with children so I don't get why people do this.
The lady who helped pack your stuff did the right thing more people like that would be great.

@JumperooSue

A older woman told me I was ridiculous for talking to my child like she was an adult recently.

My child is just under a year, she may not understand me but I still talk to her as I feel it’s good for her language and development! No idea why it offended her so much🤷🏼‍♀️🙈

I experienced something like this, it's like some people literally haven't got a clue how humans develop language.

In my case it was a pair of youngish mums in a supermarket. They were snickering at me at every opportunity, making me feel uncomfortable and when I didn't seem bothered one rather loudly said "who the fuck is that crazy bitch taking to?!". I wasn't chatting away incessantly or anything, just showing my 6mo DS things and talking to him when I could, If I didn't he wouldn't have been happy, you just can't win.

Other than that experience, the only really unhelpful comment I've had was "he needs to know he can't have everything he wants" from a random stranger while DS was throwing a massive wobbly over some shoes which were the wrong size in Next. Yes, I'm aware which is why I'm making life harder for myself and not giving in to the tantrum but thanks for the input random stranger. 👍🏽

There are so many CFers about!

Thank you for sharing your experiences with me, it's good to know I'm not just a miserable cow for saying it really bugs me.

I must admit I did have a giggle about the Chinese tourists filming the toddler with the fairy wings having a tantrum because she looked so idyllic, and the lady who soon regretted coming over to the DH manhandling the baby because the baby had an explosive poo

I have people staring at me alot when I'm out with DS in particular, due to his autism he's prone to meltdowns especially in shops. Funnily enough I get less actual comments when it's him as I think it may be obvious to onlookers that he has special needs.

I've also talked to my children when I'm out shopping with them, since they were all small babies.

DD 18 months has got incredible communication skills, she can almost talk in full sentences. I attribute that in part to me having chatted her head off ever since she was tiny.

You just can't please some folk. Damned if you do and damned if you don't.

It sounds like she was just trying to offer some help or suggestions as to why your DD was screaming.

I couldn't get worked up over this as when you're in public, the noise level your child makes or their behaviour can affects other people, so a suggestion..... even if it's not the solution is fine, as long as it's done politely.

It's not something I've done myself...I just feel sorry for parents of kids who scream like that and honestly don't know how they focus on continuing with the shopping with a screaming baby...I try get as far away from the noise, as it gives me a headache.

DD 18 months has got incredible communication skills, she can almost talk in full sentences. I attribute that in part to me having chatted her head off ever since she was tiny.

I thought everyone knew that talking to babies constantly is what helps with their language acquisition. I have such long one way conversations with DS that I'm convinced he's going to learn to talk early if anything just to tell me to bloody shut up talking about the ducks. 🤣

I just feel sorry for parents of kids who scream like that and honestly don't know how they focus on continuing with the shopping with a screaming baby...I try get as far away from the noise, as it gives me a headache.

Well we unfortunately don't have much choice. I'm sure anyone in that situation would love to also get away from the noise but it's not as if we can just abandon them in the middle of the aisle and go and finish our shopping in peace. I honestly don't understand how anyone sees these situations and thinks a' helpful' comment is going to do anything other than add to the frustration.