Why are so many people struggling with life?

[Letsgetgoing888]

Not just due to covid, but it’s definitely been highlighted more recently....

But in recent years there seem so many more angry people, stressed people, depressed people, people that can’t control their temper, mental health issues, obese kids, obese adults, people who don’t look after themselves or their kids properly...

I know mental health services are woefully inadequate, but generally as a society we are talking more about mental health, provide benefits, charity support, free healthcare and so much more than in the past.

But more people seem to be really struggling in many different ways, health wise, financially, mentally, emotionally. Suicide rates are higher now than in the past (even pre-covid).

Did they have it right in the old days of stiff upper lip? And if not, why are things so much worse now when there is so much more awareness?

i think people are more disconnected to real relationships, friendships and suchlike. There is more pressure on people to achieve or own or have. Probably related to increased technology, social media and the like. Blurred lines between real life and work and screentime. Less time in nature. Bad habits endemic in society. And governmental and social policy widening the gap between the haves and the have nots. People turn to things that numb the emotional pain e.g. social media, technology, bad food etc. Plus the issue of the polarisation of society from youtube algorithms, facebook feeds pushing you further to either side of the fence.

It is my opinion that people suffered in silence before, now everyone thinks they are entitled to be happy. I can’t be happy right now.

Did you watch the social dilemma?
Suicide rates literally jumped up the year smartphones became readily available.

Excellent summary there @sparklepink

People under a lot of strain to conform to norms which are untrue and unrealistic thanks to sm and wider media bullshit

Financially there's more pressure because the cost of living has gone up so much. Housing costs especially. When I moved to London 15 years ago I was renting a nice 1 bed flat in East London for £575 per month. Now it would be at least triple the price and wages have not gone up much at all.

Too much work and not enough life (for some).

I don't know if more are struggling, or if we're more aware of it. I suspect that many people used to struggle on and fall apart, or turn to drink or valium, but it wasn't acceptable to talk about it. That's not to say social media hasn't made things worse, but I think there were lots of problems that went unseen in the past, or at least unspoken.

@sparklepink

i think people are more disconnected to real relationships, friendships and suchlike. There is more pressure on people to achieve or own or have. Probably related to increased technology, social media and the like. Blurred lines between real life and work and screentime. Less time in nature. Bad habits endemic in society. And governmental and social policy widening the gap between the haves and the have nots. People turn to things that numb the emotional pain e.g. social media, technology, bad food etc. Plus the issue of the polarisation of society from youtube algorithms, facebook feeds pushing you further to either side of the fence.

Yep. Neoliberalism is the main disease imo, lots of this list is symptoms.

I think people are less physically healthy and that fucks your brain.

I’m not convinced people do struggle more in “recent years”; or at least, in order to make a comparison I think you need to be more explicit about the time period you’re thinking of as the “used to.” On the whole, we are healthier than we were three and even two generations ago; the health problems we do have are largely ones of affluence. I don’t think people are angrier now than before; I think that it’s become less socially acceptable to express anger in violent or aggressive ways, and thus it appears to be more of a problem. And my great-grandparents and millions like them who worked six days weeks in very hard jobs, for whom “financial security” meant a week they didn’t have to pawn belongings in order to pay the rent and would look at you rather askew if you mentioned “work-life balance”, were doubtless just as stressed as any modern day person.

Some people nowadays do obviously struggle, but I suspect it’s that we are better at and have the means to communicate and share our experiences more broadly which makes it seem like a very modern state of things.

Everyone has to be a victim of something now and speak out about their struggles on social media X Factor sob story style and then there is also this nasty cancel culture of tearing down others for saying / believing the wrong thing and I just think it puts us all in the wrong mindset of concentrating on the negatives and never just being happy in the moment. I’m aware I sound like a grumpy 80 year old man but I promise I’m not.

It’s not just that people had the stiff upper lip but that people generally had a bigger support network. My parents both had mental health problems but I was fed and looked after by neighbours, extended family and friends. So like many was never a statistic, whereas now I would have been on social services radar. I do not think the problem was much different when I was younger people just talked about it differently, my dad turned to alcohol and my mum was prescribed Valium. As were many of their peers.

Sparklepinks post sums up what i came on to post.

Did they have it right in the old days of stiff upper lip?

What is this magical period when people did not find life difficult? Surely the theme of "life is a valley of tears" runs through recorded history?

I agree with ComtesseDeSpair but I'd also add in that an element is so many people are now being brought up without any resiliance.

I know MN isn't representative of the population at large, but there are so many posts asking if they should (or being advised to) intervene in all sorts of situations where the dc would benefit from a bit of space to work out how to resolve an issue rather than having their parent march in and resolve it for them. Not forgeting all the posters that advise getting the police involved for no real reason.

There seem to be a number of people that never teach their dc, that actually, life doesn't always go the way you want it, and that life is unfair sometimes and that learning to deal with that, and learning to deal with being upset about something is a really, really, really valuable lesson for dc to learn as they grow. That actually, everything in life that you come up against that seems unfair at the time, or that upsets you at the time can't be fixed by a parent swooping in and demanding the world changes to prevent that dc from being upset. We all need to learn to deal with 'failure' in some form - whether that isn't being picked for something or failing tests, or making mistakes.
I'm in a Facebook group for parents, that was recommended on here, called 'What I Wish I knew About University' and the things so many of the posters are still doing for their adult dc, after they have left home is unbelieveable. Surely 1/2 the point of going away to university is to learn to live, as an adult. There are people on there who book their student's train ticket to travel home. Parents who do on-line shopping for their child each week, and much much more. We all need to learn, and learning by your mistakes is something too many of our youngsters aren't allowed to do, and therefore a number of them can't cope with 'things going wrong' as adults.

I think too many people like to be over dramatic, and like to self diagnose, which therefore gives conflicting messages about people who have clinically diagnosed conditions, and makes life much more difficult for those who actually have those conditions to be taken seriously. It is okay 'feel nervous' about a situation, or 'have butterflies' when you are about to do something, or even 'to feel scared' - it doesn't mean "you have anxiety". You can repeat over and over for all sorts of things people self diagnose with. Once they tell people "I have anxiety" then it becomes difficult for people to help them see it is normal to be nervous (starting a new job, or speaking in public or whatever) and offer tips and advice.

Austerity
Social media
Lack of outdoors/ too much screen time
Keeping up with the Joneses

I do think social media is a huge contributor.

Maybe lifestyle changes we see today.
I disagree with olden times where it looks like people were less depressed. It has more to do with wider news reporting ? Theres research, news and all kinds of concerns and the recognition that everyone is entitled to certain level of happiness so thats our normal. Where as two centuries ago for ex. How many did they hear about depression or talking about feelings in general more so like they are all put in place so no complaints you see?

A combination of more understanding, less stiff upper lip attitudes and freedom of choice.

Poor diets, less time outdoors, less social interaction, Tory government after Tory fucking government.

@BackforGood - I totally agree with everything you said. Children do need to learn to stand on their own two feet, and that life can be unfair. They need to learn the tools to cope, rather than their parents sorting out their lives for them, and they need to understand that some feelings are completely normal and experienced by everyone at some time, it doesn't mean there is something wrong with them. I also think some children are too busy these days, they don't get the time to just relax and be a child any more.

A shift in values from placing value on integrity, honesty and selflessness and community to admiring ruthlessness, accumulation of material things, thinking it's clever to avoid paying your fair share of tax etc and generally thinking success is screwing over people and finding their weakness. It has all created a void in our connection as humans which is magnified through SM. It starts from the top. Leadership is important in setting the tone and currently the tone is wrong.

So much of what others have said plus I think we all have expectations of life that are often unrealistic

My grandparents grew up in absolute poverty and would be amazed at the standard of living most of us have now. They would be even more amazed at our expectation to be happy all the time and how little we work to achieve our aims

In the past people had a wider support network - neighbours, friends, extended family living nearby. I think we’re a lot more isolated now.

Because it's more acceptable to be open about not being ok now.

Social media has hacked our happiness.
We all need good connections to people and social media makes us think we have when we haven’t.
We’re mentally overstimulated.
Our news feeds are full of the worst of mankind.
We’re also more disconnected from nature. Have you noticed that outdoorsy types are often a lot happier?
All the processed food that depletes us of vitamins and the sugar that’s ruining our health.
Many of us are not sleeping enough either (says I at 12.40am )
So many people are angry and unhappy around us and it ripples through society.