To find DP insufferable sometimes

[Brickwall20]

This afternoon I was making the family a pasta bake.

He comes over to inspect the way I'm layering the pasta and other ingredients and tells me I'm doing it wrong.

He remarks that it's going to be 'watery' because I put a few drops of water into the sauce jar to get out the remainder of the sauce, to minimise waste.

I tell him it won't and carry on with what I'm doing.

He then waits until I've put the food into the oven to say "I just hope it'll be alright with them tomatoes in it"

I asked what he was talking about and he said tomatoes make food 'watery'

After telling him not to be daft (it was a few cherry tomatoes, halved) he admits he didn't want tomatoes in it.

He saw me preparing them and saw them sitting on the chopping board for at least 10 minutes before I added them, yet failed to say a word.

I went to the toilet and came back to find him turning the oven up to high, I said it doesn't need to be so high it'll burn (the pasta and bacon bits had already been cooked)

To that he replied "i should have listened to myself this morning when I told myself to keep my mouth shut today and not say anything to you today"

I asked him to elaborate and he said "because of your PMS"

I do suffer from PMS but feel as though it's not at all relevant in this situation, I've been in a perfectly fine mood all day.

I bit my tongue throughout his constant critiques and interfering with my cooking.

He has aspergers and sometimes can come across really fucking rude.

Would you be upset by this or no? There are times when I seriously question the relationship.

Do you usually put tomatoes in pasta bake? Did you make it the same way you usually do?

I ask because I have a 12 year old with ASD and any kind of change is a very bad thing that takes much building up to. Even something small like tomatoes in a pasta bake. It would make her anxious and her anxiety would manifest as nitpicking and rudeness.

Read this thread with interest. His comments, especially about PMS sound awful, as does the interfering.

The fussiness and putting his oar in re the food sounds exactly like my Dad. We have long suspected he is aspie but he won’t look into it- maybe little point now at 70. I do know his commenting on the food and interfering drives my mum mad and always has - for some reason she never does anything permanent about it, just gets cross but then let’s it blow over.

You need to be firm and consistent with the “you interfere, you volunteer” line until he gets it I think.

But OP's husband isn't 12, doctorhamster. He needs to manage his needs himself.

The obsession with texture “it’s watery” made me think it’s an aspie thing too.

Putting tomatoes in the pasta bake was a new thing yes, but we have tomatoes in many dishes and it has never been a problem so perhaps naively I assumed it would be ok in the pasta bake.

After the passive remarks and him admitting he didn't want tomatoes in the food after it had gone into the oven I calmly explained that he should have just said so when he saw me preparing them. I added that I could understand the change perhaps unsettling him but maintained he should have just said.

From my POV, yes he has autism but he's also an adult with a job, house and kids so needs to advocate for himself as opposed to being childish.

Nigella Lawson rinses out cans and jars, seen on her programmes - if its good enough for Nigella then good enough for me.

Absolutely.

And Jamie Oliver cuts his veg up chunky, which my dh always moans about