to quit my job for DM?

[ShouldIquitmyjob]

NC as the details might be outing and I don’t want my friends to see what I post here!

I am 54 and I have a husband of 58, 2 teenage sons and an elderly mum who lives 3 hours away and has early stages Alzheimer’s. I work part-time, currently from home, and try to visit DM every few weeks.

I feel like I’m getting more and more pulled in different directions. My work is taking up more hours and I don’t like my boss, although I love my colleagues. The kids have various typical teenage issues to contend with. And poor DM isn’t feeling well and is quite down, I worry about her and would like to visit her more often.

I’m thinking of quitting my job. Problem is, when I mention quitting to DH he says he’d like to quit too, but I don’t think we can afford for us both to. I have a big pension I can access in April, but his isn’t as good. But - sharing worldly goods and all that... I also think I’d feel bad, as I’m younger than him, if he was working and I wasn’t. His parents are long dead though so he doesn’t have the same issues.

The other problem is - am I quitting for the right reasons - is it really for DM or is it because I don’t like my boss or because I fancy a life of leisure (which I do really). Sometimes when I have a run-in with my boss I could quit there and then, other times I don’t hear from her for a few days all is fine.

I know I am so lucky to have the choice, but I don’t know what to do. Please help, good people of Mumsnet.

YABU - keep working and try to fit everything in
YANBU - quit and visit DM every week

I think taking a break from work is a good idea. You could use that time to see if moving up there would work better or not. Good luck. I am in a similar situation although my mum is local and Dsis is capable which makes it much easier

I don't know the answer for you but think I'd be careful. I know someone who gave up her job for her mum. Her mother died very shortly afterwards. Don't know how she felt about it, but I'd regret it in the same situation.

Maybe that's something else to consider.

Career break for a year to see how it goes, keep paying into the pension during this. It will mean no income as its unpaid but if you have-savings that could work, you could explore the options during this time and find a way for it to work and if its apparent it wont then you can give up your job permanently and draw pension. Get some financial advice too.

Will you be able to go back to work? Age discrimination is pretty bad in your 50s. I would assume you can't go back if you leave. Very risky I think.

Why don't you hang in there until April and then retire?
Can you go on bank instead so you decide when you can work and when you cannot?

I think you need to consider your husband. Will your pension really be big if accessed so early?

It sounds like your husband wants to live off your pension.

If you can contribute to the running of the house, you should retire and make clear to DH that he needs to continue to equally contribute to the running of the house, and if that means he keeps working, then so be it.

@stackemhigh

It sounds like your husband wants to live off your pension.

If you can contribute to the running of the house, you should retire and make clear to DH that he needs to continue to equally contribute to the running of the house, and if that means he keeps working, then so be it.

What would you say if the roles were reversed and a woman was complaining that her (younger) husband was planning to retire but she wasn’t allowed to as her pension was smaller?

I haven’t said her DH isn’t allowed to retire. He just needs to ensure he can contribute equally to the house.