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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my 7.5 year old home alone today?

718 replies

brewbrewbrew · 18/11/2020 22:09

She's off school as the bubble are isolating and I had school runs to do today.
Was fine for the morning run as dh was here but not for the afternoon one.

I drive a 7 seater car and had been given a curtesy car for the day. This car only has 5 seats and I needed 6 if dd was going to fit in.

I couldn't do anything else at short notice. The others were at school and needed collecting.

I spoke to her beforehand about the dangers and what to do if x or y happened, explained she could use Alexa to call my mobile also if there was a problem. I was gone about 15 minutes in total.
Even if I'd have walked (which isn't so close) she wouldn't have been able to come to the school with me as they've sent the bubble home. But at least next time I can leave her in the car if needs be now we've got the big one back.

I came home and she was where I'd left her, on the sofa watching tv lying down on her iPa

Is this awful of me? I feel so negligent.

OP posts:
sturdywiththewordyshakespear · 20/11/2020 20:48

YANBU. I think it totally depends on the child. Sounds like yours is pretty sorted and no harm done. My dd would not have been up for being home alone at 7 (she'd have been worried about ghosts ;-)) but if she had been ok with it I'd have popped out for 10/15 without batting an eyelid. Having said that, if it made me feel as bad as you do I'd not do it again. No point beating yourself up about it OP.

amispeakingenglish · 20/11/2020 20:48

Think it depends on the 7 yr old, but I think it was fine. When I was young we were playing out with friends away from our homes at that age. No helicopter parents then!! In some cultures they are minding younger siblings at this age. Happened to one of mine while visiting a friend from another culture, mother went out, then father said he was taking her friend to the library & she could mind the toddler & baby! She did ring me actually, saying what shall I do, just told her to sit tight as they had said they wouldn't be long. She was in yr 4 or 5 I think. You made a decision at short notice in a difficult situation and it was fine. Do not beat yourself up or listen to the over protective judgemental people who love to criticise. It done, over and your 7 yr old is fine.

Abracadabra12345 · 20/11/2020 20:50

@Eastie77

So much hysteria as usual on MN. This site is like a parallel universe😂 You know your child and whilst I am sure there are some 7 years old who couldn't/shouldn't be left alone, the vast majority would be fine for a few minutes.

I have left my 7 year old for 10-15mins whilst taking her sibling to school. She had one of my two mobiles, instructions not to open the door and she knew how to call me if needed.

I agree! I can imagine all these old Ena Sharpness clones (yes, I’m old enough to remember her) clicking away.
Abracadabra12345 · 20/11/2020 20:55

#Ena Sharples# damn auto-correct

Pinkfluff76 · 20/11/2020 21:10

Wow OP you are getting so much flack!! Of course you feel bad because you’re a good mum but bloody hell what else were you meant to do?? It’s done and she’s fine so deep breath, mo more mum guilt, and relax and enjoy your weekend. My daughter is also 7 and very sensible and would’ve been very excited to be left alone!!

riceuten · 20/11/2020 21:16

I work for an LEA and we get this question ALL the time. There will be people who swear blind it's 12 years old, and otherwise, the Social Services will be round to seize the child for neglect. The reality is a lot more complex than that.

Basically, it depends on the child, it depends on their maturity, it depends if there are helpful friends and neighbours nearby and it depends on how you are away from the home, and how often this situation arises.

So, a 7 year old who is neurotypical, knows the neighbours, knows how to phone mummy would - in our humble opinion - not be in danger if you were away for 15 minutes.

I am sure there will be people who will project their own anxieties and viewpoints here, but the reality is that, if the circumstances I have outlined above hold, the risk is very low.

RandomGirl · 20/11/2020 22:12

Agree with @BadlyDrawnSimpsonsCharacter it’s done now. She’s fine, you’re fine. It’s done. Please don’t make yourself feel worse. You won’t do it again. You’re just giving yourself anxiety. Forgive yourself and move on xx

msgreen · 20/11/2020 22:31

not legal ,,,,,NO not ok
surely they should all stay off school until tested etc
otherwise if she has it all of the other kids will pass it on as well to other families even if you don't seem to care about your own
FFS we will never have our lives back if people like you keep this behaviour up ,
can't we all behave as caring citizens

Sudoku88 · 20/11/2020 22:33

It’s fine. It was only 15 minutes. You know your daughter well and if you really felt she was in danger, you wouldn’t have done it.

I would have done it and have done similar things but it has been based on what I felt my child could cope with. they have become very independent fast and can think on their feet.

No big deal at all though many people on here will make it sound like the end of the world.

HappyDays10101 · 20/11/2020 22:42

*I work for an LEA and we get this question ALL the time. There will be people who swear blind it's 12 years old, and otherwise, the Social Services will be round to seize the child for neglect. The reality is a lot more complex than that.

Basically, it depends on the child, it depends on their maturity, it depends if there are helpful friends and neighbours nearby and it depends on how you are away from the home, and how often this situation arises.

So, a 7 year old who is neurotypical, knows the neighbours, knows how to phone mummy would - in our humble opinion - not be in danger if you were away for 15 minutes*

The voice of reason!

5adayincludeswine · 20/11/2020 22:43

YANBU - people are far too precious these days - I was getting myself to and from school by bike and letting myself in, alone for 2 hours every day from the age of 7. My kids have been left alone for shorter periods from the same age - once DD1 was 10 she was left in charge of other 2 for longer. I have 3 totally independent and mature kids who can cope with the outside world. I applaud you, the worse thing you can do for kids is wrap them in cottonwool.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 20/11/2020 23:13

I think it’s fine unless she’s got ally against it and scared. You could always dial your mobile on the landline and she could then chat to you on the way.
I used to take my 11yr old to school at 8am whilst 8yr old watched TV and had breakfast - it was fine.

Harvestsquirrel1 · 20/11/2020 23:41

I could never leave my child home alone. By doing that, this shows where your priorities are.

Bikingbear · 20/11/2020 23:49

@Harvestsquirrel1

I could never leave my child home alone. By doing that, this shows where your priorities are.
You say that like she was going out to buy fags or something, she was going to collect other children. And was bright enough to minimise the risk to them all by taking the 2 yo with her.

Whats your solution?
Remember all the issues too many kids for the hire car. Isolating child shouldn't leave the house, certainly shouldn't be walking. DH at work.

Runningdownthathill · 20/11/2020 23:50

The first time I left any of my children was with the youngest who was 13 at the time. I was working and she was off school feeling unwell. I felt absolutely awful leaving her alone and thought I was breaking the law! I think 7 is far too young. Most people don’t know the neighbours and the neighbours are probably at work in any case.

Caelan2018 · 21/11/2020 00:02

No way would I leave a child alone in the house in case of fire or anything else happened she is way too young sorry! As for someone saying they left 5 year old alone holy god .. no words ans before anyone judges me yes I she kids they are 15 yrs. 2 yrs and 10 days old no way would I leave them without an adult

alexdgr8 · 21/11/2020 00:14

now i understand why job applicants are advised not to come to an interview with their parent !

BlackeyedSusan · 21/11/2020 01:07

When I was young I used to let myself in at that age. The only reason I can remember is I once left the key in the teachers drawer all weekend after PE and she wondered who had not been able to get in all weekend. We used to walk to school too from five. 15 years later and we were horrified at a five year old walking to school. We could see the mum's house fro. The school window so not far at all. And no roads. Things change so fast.

Another poster got into hot water for leaving an 8 year old home alone so don't do it, even if they were fine and capable. ( Some kids develop quicker than others)

Willyoujustbequiet · 21/11/2020 01:28

It was negligent.

I also worked in local government legal department and we had files on kids that age left alone. It would certainly have triggered an investigation.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 21/11/2020 01:31

I wouldn’t do it and in my other area of my life if someone told me that I’d report it as a safeguarding issue

Backbee · 21/11/2020 02:26

I could never leave my child home alone. By doing that, this shows where your priorities are.

Well yes, her childrens education. The alternatives were to take 7.5 year old with her and would have been called selfish, or have all of her other children off school- which isn't a fair solution either. I'm surprised at all of the my child would be terrified, I would definitely report someone.

HannaYeah · 21/11/2020 02:34

I do not believe doing this once would result in an investigation.

TheWashingMachine · 21/11/2020 03:05

I've done this too, my DD is very responsible and was told she could call me at any time and watch telly in my bedroom. I'd trust her more than most adults not to do anything silly.

Tbh I've left my kids with my DH who was so busy wfh, although technically he is a responsible adult apparently according to DD he didn't see them for hours at a time. The house is very tall and he didn't have a clue what they were up to, he forgot to feed them, so they make themselves lunch, Greek salad and toasted pitta.

Userzzz · 21/11/2020 03:20

It’s fine.

LoisLane66 · 21/11/2020 03:42

By the time you got in the car, drove to the school, parked and waited for the children (all yours at same school? ) to emerge then drive home. I can safely bet it was longer than 5 minutes.
I would never have done that with my five children.
Can't understand whether you were picking up other children too or just your own and how old are they to all be at the same school?
I think if you were comfortable about leaving your daughter, you would not be asking us if it was ok.
I agree with other comments that you had enough time to make other, safer arrangements.

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