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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my 7.5 year old home alone today?

718 replies

brewbrewbrew · 18/11/2020 22:09

She's off school as the bubble are isolating and I had school runs to do today.
Was fine for the morning run as dh was here but not for the afternoon one.

I drive a 7 seater car and had been given a curtesy car for the day. This car only has 5 seats and I needed 6 if dd was going to fit in.

I couldn't do anything else at short notice. The others were at school and needed collecting.

I spoke to her beforehand about the dangers and what to do if x or y happened, explained she could use Alexa to call my mobile also if there was a problem. I was gone about 15 minutes in total.
Even if I'd have walked (which isn't so close) she wouldn't have been able to come to the school with me as they've sent the bubble home. But at least next time I can leave her in the car if needs be now we've got the big one back.

I came home and she was where I'd left her, on the sofa watching tv lying down on her iPa

Is this awful of me? I feel so negligent.

OP posts:
RUOKHon · 19/11/2020 13:43

Could your step daughter’s mother not have collected them this once?

loobyloo1234 · 19/11/2020 13:44

@loobyloo1234 @FudgeDrudge and @TheCountessofFitzdotterel in your eagerness to be so smart possibly you missed my subsequent post regarding my dd and why she would be terrified

You went on to say your DD has OCD, anxiety aswell as a medical condition so I'd still like to hope she would be receiving treatment for that? I dont however, see how its relevant to the OP as she made no mention of her DD suffering with any of these things

Original poster
brewbrewbrew · 19/11/2020 13:49

I'm not going to go into step mothers and husbands occupations as I think that will 100% out me but they couldn't have been home yesterday.

OP posts:
AnneElliott · 19/11/2020 13:51

Honestly she's fine - don't beat yourself up. Not something I would have chosen to do with my DS but sometimes needs must!

I used to walk home at 7 from primary school with my younger brother. Over a mile and across 2 busy roads! Now I know that was the 80s and I would not have trusted my DS to do that but obviously we were fine. And all the other kids did the same!

CremeEggThief · 19/11/2020 13:53

An awful lot of people on this thread seem happy to tell the OP off and say they would never do what she did, but don't seem to have an answer to what she should have done or what they would have done in her place.

Life isn't black or white. There isn't always a back up contingency plan. Being an adult does not mean that there is or should always be a backup plan in place. I really don't like the undertones that it's part of being an adult and if you don't, it's somehow neglectful. Ridiculous.

Original poster
brewbrewbrew · 19/11/2020 13:56

I think the only suggestion that would have been an ideal workaround would have been a grandparent FaceTiming her the whole time Confused

OP posts:
Bikingbear · 19/11/2020 14:02

Op the vast majority of people couldn't just nip away from work for an hour, regardless of occupation. So that's a stupid suggestion.

It would be an hour by the time either of them clocks off, gets home, sits with child, and gets back to work. And that's me only allowing 15mins travel each way and 15 mins faff (clocking off /on, getting jacket, and quick chat, and same in reverse)

Spidey66 · 19/11/2020 14:12

Yeah, they're at work. They're not down the park with the dog, or in the pub having a pint!

Sugarplum06 · 19/11/2020 14:13

Please don’t dwell it’s done now , she was fine Flowers

Whatafustercluck · 19/11/2020 14:18

You did it, she was fine. I would hope you won't make a habit of it, but it does sound like extenuating circumstances and you were genuinely trying to do the right thing.

We've begun leaving 9yo ds at home for very short periods, when necessary. He knows what to do in the event of x, y or z happening and we stay in phone contact throughout.

TheSoapyFrog · 19/11/2020 14:19

I don't think it's something I would have done, but my boy definitely couldn't be trusted. Depending on the age of the other children, could they have walked home, taken a bus or a taxi together?
Could you both have walked half way and had the other children meet you? Could she have wrapped up and played in the garden while a neighbour watched her from their garden?
If you're certain that there was absolutely no other alternatives, then so be it. You got lucky, she's fine and everything worked out. I just wouldn't make a habit of it though.

Fouroclockonamarblemorning · 19/11/2020 14:30

@FudgeDrudge

This is negligent of you. If something had gone wrong, you’d have been arrested for neglect.

Nonsense.

I’m speaking from experience of many years working in child protection. It’s not nonsense, certainly not in the uk. I can’t speak for other countries. Of course many of us were left at home at that age, in my case it was in the 70’s, but this would not be acceptable now. Unfortunately the people saying this is fine don’t have the foresight to see that something could go wrong.
Hardbackwriter · 19/11/2020 14:35

Out of interest, do the people who think this is appalling think it's ok to take a shower, with door closed and water running so you can't see or hear child, for 15 minutes?

MustardMitt · 19/11/2020 14:39

Unfortunately the people saying this is fine don’t have the foresight to see that something could go wrong

Hmm it’s exactly because they have foresight and are able to risk assess appropriately that they judge 15 minutes will be fine.

Have you got no comments on those kids whose schools allow them to walk home from school at this age? @Fouroclockonamarblemorning

Yeahnahmum · 19/11/2020 14:40

This thread keeps on giving ...

Marinated with ludicrous comments made by helicopter mums that cottonwrap their kids into obliviousHmm

Kljnmw3459 · 19/11/2020 14:43

I would think majority of 7 year olds will be fine by themselves for 15 minutes.

JinglingHellsBells · 19/11/2020 14:48

The NSPCC advise no child ought to be left alone at that age.

Had anything gone wrong this poster could have had her child placed on the At Risk register.

That's really all there is to it.

But more to the point I don't know why @brewbrewbrew started her thread.

Unless to start a predictable bun fight.

OP you asked AIBU,

Why?

You'd left her. Why ask for opinions after the event? what was the point?

If you had come along here and said you had done this , felt guilty and knew it was wrong, but what else could you have done (and would need to do again if the same thing happened again) I could understand it.

But you didn't. So your thread is pointless.

caringcarer · 19/11/2020 14:52

Surely if she is home she should self isolate in her room. You are thinking of putting her in a car of other kids. If she is incubating the virus she could spread it to.all of them. Can't you ask a friend or neighbour to sit on house whilst she remains in her bedroom. My Year 10 had to be collected today as someone in his bubble tested positive. He will remain in his room doing online learning from tomorrow and wear a mask and gloves if he wants to walk through lounge, to go in the back garden. If you had an accident on the way to or from school would anyone know your dd was home alone?

loobyloo1234 · 19/11/2020 14:53

The NSPCC advise no child ought to be left alone at that age.

PP have already posted the NSPCC guidelines - they dont say that at all

caringcarer · 19/11/2020 14:53

Press to soon. Could you get your Mum or someone to talk to her on phone until you get back? At least it would set your mind to rest.

Fouroclockonamarblemorning · 19/11/2020 14:58

@MustardMitt

Unfortunately the people saying this is fine don’t have the foresight to see that something could go wrong

Hmm it’s exactly because they have foresight and are able to risk assess appropriately that they judge 15 minutes will be fine.

Have you got no comments on those kids whose schools allow them to walk home from school at this age? @Fouroclockonamarblemorning

You’re absolutely right, they will be completely fine, until they’re not fine because something has gone wrong. I wouldn’t let a child of that age walk home from school either.

At the end of the day, it’s what we’re comfortable with and I wouldn’t be comfortable with it. For those of you that are, fill your boots.

CastleOfDoom · 19/11/2020 15:07

The NSPCC advise no child ought to be left alone at that age.

Show us then @JinglingHellsBells Hmm

PPs have quoted the guidelines and it clearly states on the NSPCC website:

"Children under 12 years old shouldn't be left home alone for long".

15 mins is not long so OP was perfectly fine in her judgement.

helloitsme4432 · 19/11/2020 15:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jobsharenightmare · 19/11/2020 15:33

helloitsme4432

Does she want her view on that made public? All you've said is she finds this funny. If her comments make it to Twitter or the DM I wouldn't stand by finding it all so ridiculous

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