To leave my 7.5 year old home alone today?

[brewbrewbrew]

She's off school as the bubble are isolating and I had school runs to do today.
Was fine for the morning run as dh was here but not for the afternoon one.

I drive a 7 seater car and had been given a curtesy car for the day. This car only has 5 seats and I needed 6 if dd was going to fit in.

I couldn't do anything else at short notice. The others were at school and needed collecting.

I spoke to her beforehand about the dangers and what to do if x or y happened, explained she could use Alexa to call my mobile also if there was a problem. I was gone about 15 minutes in total.
Even if I'd have walked (which isn't so close) she wouldn't have been able to come to the school with me as they've sent the bubble home. But at least next time I can leave her in the car if needs be now we've got the big one back.

I came home and she was where I'd left her, on the sofa watching tv lying down on her iPa

Is this awful of me? I feel so negligent.

@loobyloo1234 @FudgeDrudge and @TheCountessofFitzdotterel in your eagerness to be so smart possibly you missed my subsequent post regarding my dd and why she would be terrified.

Feel free to go back and read. You ll be glad to know she is receiving support.

@TheCountessofFitzdotterel

There are some bonkers overprotective parents on this thread. I really feel for the children whose parents are so incapable of sensibly assessing risk they never get to develop age appropriate independence.

I think the problem is that 'age appropriate independence' is not founded by leaving young children alone. Quite the opposite in fact.

If you were really only out for 15 minutes then it can't be that far away. You could have walked.

Hmm. Its 15 - 20 mins to get to my mums house in a car. However, if I tried to walk it, I suspect it would take a fair few hours!

YANBU in your case, but it does depend on the child, and whether it was an emergency/one-off.
I used to babysit my sister when she was 4 and I was just 9, every week from 6pm until 10pm while our mum attended college. That was in the ‘70’s though, but I still put her to bed, read her a story Etc. I was a mature child though

@BloggersBlog

However, it's also something the OP should have foreseen and planned for. If she has 6 kids the odds are this was going to happen anyway

Exactly. As you were thinking of conceiving, you should have thought "what about if there is a global pandemic and I need a larger seater car if 1 has to self isolate". You missed a trick there @brewbrewbrew .

Poor show my friend, poor show

So many MN members seem to have crystal balls. Regardless of the problem, its always 'well you should have done X', even though thats just not helpful in the slightest as we cannot time travel.

'I choked on a chicken bone today'
'Well you should have been vegetarian.'

'My house was destroyed by a tornado'
'Well you knew tornados were a possibility anywhere in the world so why did you not buy a house on the moon instead? No sympathy'

shes supposed to be isolating, so she needs to stay at home, not come out in the car. How long is school run? Can someone else bring others home or they walk?

@JinglingHellsBells
you have 6 children?
5 children. Not relevant at all. 2 are my step children,

I think she was too young.15 mins is not a long time but anything could have happened in that time. She needs warning about stranger-danger (answering the door), dealing with fire, accidents in the home, etc. She's too young, basically .The odds of something happening are tiny BUT not impossible and if they had you would have been prosecuted.

We did chat about not opening the door and I locked the door from the front so there's no way she could have opened it. And I get alerts to answer the door when it rings.
I spoke about the importance of the door not being answered by her or her going to open the blinds so people knocking wouldn't have known she was alone. But if there was an emergency to leave through the back door (or if needed front windows which are fire ones that open sideways. That I would be back really soon.

YABU in what world is that ok.

@TheCountessofFitzdotterel to allay your further concerns my older child is nearly 19.

Perfectly confident and responsible, goes to college, works, is learning to drive and plans to take a year out to travel next year covid situation depending. All without me sitting beside her holding her hand.

Surprising really when she would have been nervous to have been left alone in the house at 7 but probably OK by 9. Its clearly a miracle having been raised by a parent who clearly needs help.

Going by you that should mean she should be afraid to leave the house and still needs me to make her bowl of cereal in the morning with the lack of age appropriate independence provided to her.

[quote brewbrewbrew]@JinglingHellsBells
you have 6 children?
5 children. Not relevant at all. 2 are my step children,

I think she was too young.15 mins is not a long time but anything could have happened in that time. She needs warning about stranger-danger (answering the door), dealing with fire, accidents in the home, etc. She's too young, basically .The odds of something happening are tiny BUT not impossible and if they had you would have been prosecuted.

We did chat about not opening the door and I locked the door from the front so there's no way she could have opened it. And I get alerts to answer the door when it rings.
I spoke about the importance of the door not being answered by her or her going to open the blinds so people knocking wouldn't have known she was alone. But if there was an emergency to leave through the back door (or if needed front windows which are fire ones that open sideways. That I would be back really soon.

[/quote]
You've not thought about if YOU had a car crash, even if the innocent party. A simple rear prang and you could be delayed for some time, swapping details etc.

Also you need to ensure a child can get out of the house or emergency services can get in, if needed and you are out.

Sorry but I think you did the wrong thing.

With 5 kids- no matter whose they are biologically- the odds are that ONE of them or YOU might have to self isolate and then there would be an issue with transport.

People saying you couldn't have foreseen this are just being a bit short-sighted.

I think this is absolutely fine for a 7.5 year old for short periods such as school runs. But the MN reaction doesn't surprise me. This place is full of helicopter parents who wrap their kids in cotton wool until they are much older.
I think it's actually a good way to give them some space.

What would you have done then Jingle? You’re so good at condemning this woman and pointing out everything she has done wrong, how exactly would you have handled this in OPs situation.

@Sailingtelltales

Haven’t read whole thread apologies if already mentioned, but the simplest solution here was for your husband to call me home from work early or take half an hour off to look after the isolating child.

The phenomenal effort you’ve put into juggling all this when your partner should have simply helped by coming home. No job is more important than that.

And then what happens when Dad of 6 kids gets laid off?

@foilflower
I wouldn’t have done it and I have a very sensible 7 year old. She knew how to contact you but what would you have done if she’d called because something was wrong while you were on your way to the school or waiting for the children to come out? You’d have been stuck and would have had to either rush back home leaving your children uncollected or collect them and not be able to help your 7 year old quickly.

The most sensible child in my daughters class has absolutely no common sense and would be incapable of coping. But she's very sensible. Everybody's different and I feel bad for what I did.

When you say what would I have done if something had happened and I had been stuck at school? It would be the same with a child of any age, I'd still be stuck at school regardless of it being a 7 year old or 11 year old.
I'd have given instructions over the phone depending on the kind of emergency you're thinking of. If it was somebody at the door then obviously I'd tell child to stay sat down and speak to the person myself.

If it was some kind of emergency I'd tell child to leave the house via the nearest exit and wait on one of the neighbours driveways or at the bottom of ours, I'd have called the fire brigade if needed ect and given instructions what to do and been home ASAP as you would with anybody at home.

I think it's fine too - as long as she was fine with it. She could call you at any time.

I've started leaving my 10 and 7 year old while I pop out for 20 mins if they don't want to come (we worked up to it from leaving them in the car while I popped into the postoffice etc).

They know not to try and cook (and never would, they follow rules), or answer the door. I normally call them when I get to the shop, and when I'm on my way back because I worry more than they do!

I used to be left a lot longer when I was a kid, I think we're forgetting that in other times and places kids are just fine alone for hours, let alone 20 mins.

Parents make judgement calls all the time. Sometimes you have to. It's not ideal, but you assessed the situation and did what you thought was best under pressure. It's not like it's common practice, that you leave her on her own all the time. It was a very limiting and exceptional set of circumstances you were operating under. I have done similar. And yes, I felt bad but there literally was no other option.

I wouldn't have taken to social media to post about it though, you'll just get a load of abuse from people who like to imagine they're the perfect embodiment of grace under pressure.

@JinglingHellsBells
for example choking on a biscuit or falling downstairs.

Choking on a biscuit? Why have I not spent all of my days worrying about this? Jesus Christ

@NancysDream your reply echos my exact feelings. It's as if you read my mind.

*@JinglingHellsBells
for example choking on a biscuit or falling downstairs.

good grief, how do some people get through life???

This really depends on the child. My oldest nephew was fine with being left alone at that age while mum did the school run. He just kept on playing with lego, knew not to open the door and knew how to call mum or neighbour on the phone. My niece could do the same but would be scared so couldn't be left alone.

There is a lot of incredibly anxious parents on this thread. Absolutely fine.

It’s 15 minutes, what’s going to happen? Even if you were home she could have silently choked on a biscuit on another floor.

YANBU. I clicked on the title thinking you were leaving your child all day and am astonished by some of the censorious pps. You could be chatting to a neighbour, on the phone, in the garden, etc for 15 mins. I wouldn't have left my dc in normal circumstances, but you did what you had to in an emergency. For people saying you could have got someone else to drop your children or to mind your child at home, there's a greater COVID risk in doing that - do people really think that it's okay to ask a neighbour to mind a child who is self-isolating?

You did all the right things - talked to her beforehand, explained about using Alexa. I think most seven year olds are able to remain safe for 15 mins and you did what you needed to. Don't feel bad, all was fine, you're a good parent and you coped with a tricky one-off situation in a sensible way.

My mum left me with my newborn brother when I was 8 years old for a few hours. We survived.

@JinglingHellsBells what should I have done then?