Father in Law stole my stuff

[Mlf93]

TLDR: Father in law stole my dvd collection and claims he has thrown them away. AIBU to be so angry and upset over this and want the money to replace them or should I just let it go?

We were renting from FIL and had to move suddenly to very small flat. He said we could keep our stuff at his place until we found somewhere bigger/could pack it up into storage. 9 months later after numerous visits to retrieve certain things my entire DVD collection (probs about £1000 to replace everything) is missing from the cupboard it was in. Asked if he knew where they were, he admits he took them bc he thought I didnt want them as they had been there so long. Says he has thrown them out
Apparently he tried them in a CD PLAYER and they didnt work and only has 2 or 3 left.
AIBU to be so angry and upset over this and to want the money to replace them?! I know they are just pieces of plastic but I spent so much time and money building my collection.
I am also suspicious as to if this is really what happened or if he has sold them. Any advice is appreciated

DVD's 🤔 Im going to assume favourite boxsets type thing OP ... I'd be very upset tbh.., 🌺

I feel for you because your collection clearly meant a lot to you.

However, I doubt he did anything with them than threw them away. I tried to sell my DVDs and was offered pennies for the ones they would take.

I think you just going to have to let this go.

I can't imagine he's taken them and sold them. It would be an arduous task to make money from DVDs in 2020. Who would buy DVDs? You can sell them on Music Magpie for pennies.

What does your DH think of his DFs actions?

I ask as his response will either bolster or scupper anything you choose to do....

Yeahh I had roughly 80 single titles probably about 20 of which were blu ray, around 60 dvds, 6 tv box sets and a limited edition mint harry potter blu ray set.

DH is annoyed with him but doesnt want to be disrespectful. Every time I bring it up he changes the subject/says he doesn't want to talk about it. I think he is embarrassed more than anything.

You can't use somebody else's home as a left luggage locker for 9 months without them getting pissed off.

Umm. Just ask him to provide an online subscription service as your Xmas present.
He's done you a favour really decluttering your media collection. Can you even get dvd players anymore?

You can't use somebody else's home as a left luggage locker for 9 months without them getting pissed off.

^ this. Although he should have given you a deadline

It is an empty property... he lives in the house next door

Then I doubt you'll get very far asking for replacements.

But you could and should tell them both, at the same time if you can, that their blatant disregard for you, your possessions, your feelings, has really pissed you off. All the situation needed was a quick question to be asked!

But I suspect that you are going to have to swallow this one and try not to let it fester. They were DVDs... just films etc.

Best if luck with it!

I really feel for you. We also have a DVD collection, of probably 500 or so DVDs. And we'd be furious if someone threw them out. But the thing is, almost always when we want watch one of those shows/movies, we just go onto the relevant stream service and watch it that way, we don't go hunting for the DVD to get out of the box.

I'd say that long term good family relations matter more, so it's not worth falling out over it (pity you didn't burst into tears of grief when he told you, that might have shown the depth of feeling!) but what you've learnt is that you can't trust FIL with your things. From what you say about your DH's reaction, sounds like he is a patriarch. I'd get anything else you value out of that flat fast.

He's in the wrong no matter how long they were in his house.

I would be absolutely horrified!
There's no way you just bin someone's stuff without checking?
For those who say replace/bluray etc I have a collection of DVDs I started in the late 90s, back in the day when they were really expensive.
I have some old foreign films that I have never seen on any back catalogue of Netflix/Prime etc
Same with some v old boxsets.

I would be gutted to lose them.

I think your DH is acting like a prick- he doesn't want to be 'disrespectful'. Ask him how respectful it is to throw someone's stuff away.

After 9 months of storage, I don't entirely blame him, though it would have been polite to ask you/warn you first.

I'd write this one off, not much you can do now.

He probably sold them on.

Why did he even think it was his to dispose of if

1. You were picking up the rest of your stuff during that time so it wasn’t abandoned
2. You were in constant communication/good terms where he could have just asked you first

Yes, it’s his property but his still needs to give you notice legally before disposing of your things. He’s essentially an “involuntary bailee”. If you wanted to you could file a money claim online form and take him to court. Don’t get me wrong, I know you probably won’t as he’s family, but if he was any other landlord he would be in hot water

@ArchbishopOfBanterbury

After 9 months of storage, I don't entirely blame him, though it would have been polite to ask you/warn you first.

I'd write this one off, not much you can do now.

With respect, this is absolute BS.

She absolutely does have legal recourse against him.

www.landlordvision.co.uk/blog/tenant-leaves-belongings-behind/

Whether she wants to is another matter, but he’s definitely in the wrong

£1000 worth of DVDs? So like 500 DVDs?

You were taking the piss to leave stuff there for 9 months. Had you spoken to him at all about the stuff you still had there. How long had it been since you last went?
Did you actually have a proper tenancy, where you had to pay a deposit and had a contract?

£2 a DVD?.

I think he has behaved very badly indeed. I certainly wouldn't trust him with anything I valued ever again. I feel sorry for you dh, he must realise what an idiot your FIL is.

Sorry how old is he that he put them in a CD player?? Wtf? Is he quite well? I assume you and your DH were given permission to leave your stuff there for 9 months, seems a bit long but sounds like you had an urgent reason to move. If on the face of it, it was ok for you to leave your stuff there any you’re in contact regularly I’d be fuming about my entire collection being taken.

You might want to check what else of yours he’s been rummaging through and taken?

Yes he knew everything that was there, he told us we could use the room at the very top of the house and cupboard outside it for as long as we needed. My SIL who lives abroad has had stuff there for 5yrs Then with lockdown we couldnt go there but once it ended I went about once every 3 weeks to sort through the junk and pack up what was to keep. And yes we had a proper tenancy agreement although he waived the deposit. There were about 80 dvds but the tv box sets are what cost the most money to replace.

@SunshineCake

£2 a DVD?.

2nd hand for most £2 is generous Our local charity won't even take them They were free at car boots this summer or 20p- 50p Many people don't have DVD players anymore.

The Ops may of course be more valuable.

I'm not surprised he tried your DVDs in a CD player then ditched them. He probably needed the space to store his time machine that takes you back and forward to 2003.