Father in Law stole my stuff

[Mlf93]

TLDR: Father in law stole my dvd collection and claims he has thrown them away. AIBU to be so angry and upset over this and want the money to replace them or should I just let it go?

We were renting from FIL and had to move suddenly to very small flat. He said we could keep our stuff at his place until we found somewhere bigger/could pack it up into storage. 9 months later after numerous visits to retrieve certain things my entire DVD collection (probs about £1000 to replace everything) is missing from the cupboard it was in. Asked if he knew where they were, he admits he took them bc he thought I didnt want them as they had been there so long. Says he has thrown them out
Apparently he tried them in a CD PLAYER and they didnt work and only has 2 or 3 left.
AIBU to be so angry and upset over this and to want the money to replace them?! I know they are just pieces of plastic but I spent so much time and money building my collection.
I am also suspicious as to if this is really what happened or if he has sold them. Any advice is appreciated

@DumplingsAndStew

I'm not surprised he tried your DVDs in a CD player then ditched them. He probably needed the space to store his time machine that takes you back and forward to 2003.

Dvd's are almost worthless in terms of money I'm afraid OP. A lot of charity shops won't take them.

It wss wrong of him to throw them out though without giving you a chance to collect them.

@DumplingsAndStew

I'm not surprised he tried your DVDs in a CD player then ditched them. He probably needed the space to store his time machine that takes you back and forward to 2003.

🤭

He is completely out of order and I can't believe anyone here would actually really be so nonchalant about it if it happened to them. They were your dvds and you built up the collection.
Definitely don't trust him. However, does he have a hold in some sense over your DH financially?

In some ways he did u a favour, they're worthless and everything you want to watch you can anyway. It's just stuff

"He said we could keep our stuff at his place until we found somewhere bigger/could pack it up into storage. 9 months later after numerous visits to retrieve certain things my entire DVD collection (probs about £1000 to replace everything) is missing from the cupboard it was in. "

The FIL said it was OK. And OP had been taking things back gradually. If he was getting impatient he could have said.

OP is it possible that something happened? They got thrown out by accident or a pipe burst and they got wet? I am just thinking of anything that would mean he wasn't an idiot.

@theonlywayisup33 I agree! I think OP would have had different responses had it not been DVDs involved. It’s no different than someone throwing out your entire book collection or whatever else.

All DVDs are 10p in the charity shops near us. Can't even give them away at car boots. You'll be able to buy more if you want to, cheaper than paying for storage for 9 months.

FGS. DVDs can be played in a blu-ray player, and are available in any supermarket. They're not that outdated. Not everything is available on streaming services, and not everybody wants to pay for them. If OP could easily replace her collection for a few quid, she probably would.

@DahliaMacNamara

FGS. DVDs can be played in a blu-ray player, and are available in any supermarket. They're not that outdated. Not everything is available on streaming services, and not everybody wants to pay for them. If OP could easily replace her collection for a few quid, she probably would.

They are outdated No-one needs to buy a blu ray or a dvd- you can stream

He’s car booted them.
My dB has an empty property (long story) and we’ve had a bed and several boxes there for years from when we moved back from Oz. He’d never sell them or throw them out without asking.
If your dh is embarrassed he can replace them then. I’d never trust your fil again.

Well, obviously you'll now be buying him DVDs for birthdays and Christmases for him to replace them.

I would be furious too, all he had to do was tell you he needed them moved sooner, no excuse for just chucking.

is it possible someone else took them and your FIL knows? I mean if you had other stuff there for 9 months, has that gone missing too or still there?

If your FIL wanted the space and presumed you no longer wanted what was left, then more stuff would have gone to make way for his plans.

I suspect someone else has worked their way through your things.

Not sure why everyone is focusing on monitory cost. What if your childs christing gown? Worth nothing and saves you walking to a bin, it's just stuff etc.

It's your stuff that he agreed he would store. He has betrayed your trust. It's not ok regardless of its value. A hand written birth certificate has zero value. Doesnt mean it's easy to replace

@theonlywayisup33

He is completely out of order and I can't believe anyone here would actually really be so nonchalant about it if it happened to them. They were your dvds and you built up the collection. Definitely don't trust him. However, does he have a hold in some sense over your DH financially?

Nope not at all

@Italiangreyhound

"He said we could keep our stuff at his place until we found somewhere bigger/could pack it up into storage. 9 months later after numerous visits to retrieve certain things my entire DVD collection (probs about £1000 to replace everything) is missing from the cupboard it was in. "

The FIL said it was OK. And OP had been taking things back gradually. If he was getting impatient he could have said.

OP is it possible that something happened? They got thrown out by accident or a pipe burst and they got wet? I am just thinking of anything that would mean he wasn't an idiot.

I thought of this at first but not at all. The cupboard they were in also had books in it and they werent touched... only the dvds. He is a hoarder which is what makes me query if they really were thrown out

Decided to sell some dvds on a well known selling site. Got about £15 for the lot. Most were worth under 50p. I think the most expensive one was about £3. He may have sold them, but he wouldn’t have got much money for them.

@expat101

is it possible someone else took them and your FIL knows? I mean if you had other stuff there for 9 months, has that gone missing too or still there? If your FIL wanted the space and presumed you no longer wanted what was left, then more stuff would have gone to make way for his plans.

I suspect someone else has worked their way through your things.

I mean in theory yes that's possible but why would he then take the blame and admit it when it wasn't him

In some ways he did u a favour, they're worthless and everything you want to watch you can anyway. It's just stuff

Sorry but this is utter bollocks. He has no right to take a decision about which of your stuff is worth keeping.

If he was fed up of having your stuff in his place then he should have asked you to move it and given a deadline. But to just bin somebody else's possessions because you think they are worthless is way out of order. It doesn't matter if it's DVDs, ten years worth of Good Food magazine or a collection of vintage Star Wars memorabilia - they were yours not his.

I am furious on your behalf. Your DHs reluctance to say anything speaks volumes. It sounds to me like your FIL sees himself as the grown up with the right to make decisions on your DHs and your behalf. This needs watching.

Trust me, unless they were collectibles like Disney ones, he would have struggled to give them away. There are no Boot sales atm with lockdown, so it would mean putting them on EBay, which unless he has loads of time and expectation of making a bit of money, seems unlikely.

If a relative did that to my things before checking if I wanted them or not I simply would not speak to them again.

The cost of buying any old DVD at a boot sale is one thing, but I have plenty that are more obscure titles and would be hard if not impossible to find second hand just lying around - apart from the time I'd have to spend searching for them once boot sales are going again. And not everyone has e.g. Amazon Prime. And at least a couple of films I own are definitely NOT available to stream.

But more to the point is the total disregard for the OP's possessions, and the response of both her FIL and DH regarding this.

Agree that is complete bollocks.
I might be a pompous film buff but as mentioned on this thread I have foreign films on DVD- some I bought, some I recorded (back in the olden days when you could get a recording DVD player) that are not streameable.
Same with old TV shows.

there are some boxsets /films you just cant get on streaming services

hes out of order but short of taking him to court what can you so

I see that Allergic has (much more eloquently) said everything i wanted to say.