To sack the music teacher

[Stopandlook]

We have had a music teacher giving weekly private lessons to my two children. We found him through a local paper, and have had him for 3 years.
He’s a bit abrupt but I’ve just thought socially awkward, and the children get on fine with him.
In the first lockdown he charged £5 less total 2 classes as he wasn’t using travel time or petrol. Fair and fine because the quality of zoom teaching is less.
Since September we have had one lockdown lesson on Zoom as dd was self isolating. He said that was the full price - fair enough as it was only us.
We are obviously back on Zoom now and paying by bank transfer. He messaged us the day after the lesson asking for the payment as it was due on the day of the lesson. We then paid the £5 less again. He messaged us to say thank you but it is the incorrect amount and should be £5 more. No explanation.
When I questioned it he just said quite aggressively ‘Please pay the £5’
Previously we have always paid in full, on the day of the lesson, for 3 years.
DH thinks he is an arsehole for being so aggressive to people who have welcomed him into our home for 3 years, provide coffee each week and pay a fortune for lessons, and he wants to cut him off. Is he BU?

In what way is he aggressive? Because I would get rid of someone for aggression, but so far you haven't described any?

@Jroseforever

* When I questioned it he just said quite aggressively ‘Please pay the £5’*

So was that his message? Or was it more aggressive? Or have you interpreted it as being aggressive?!

Yes....it could have been a pleading tone!

@Stopandlook

Veterinari

Um, I started an AIBU post? To see if I was being unreasonable?
I do beg your pardon for posting

Yes you did. So why are you objecting to the various elements of your unreasonableness being pointed out?

Or were you expecting everyone to agree that you should 'sack' your children's' self employed music teacher for having the temerity to 'please' ask you to pay for the lesson you had, because you think it's ok to pay late and less than the lesson price?

We pay the full price on zoom lessons, and we treasure our music teachers. It is a unique and precious relationship. Maybe I'm a bit sentimental, but his first music teacher set my child on the path to loving music. I always pay on time, and make sure if I need to cancel, give lots of notice. If I can't give notice, I pay for the missed lesson.

DH and I are generous people who always pay on time

Are you generous in Tesco too because you pay as you take the food?

You have no idea if he needs the money or not! He could’ve been on a mortgage break before and not now, he might have had 20 customers last time, but 6 now!

Veterinari

I’m not objecting to my Unreasonableness being pointed out! I’ve explained myself when asked and said several times I’ve taken every point on board (and paid the £5!)

I posted for outside perspective, I’ve had that, not really sure why I shouldn’t have started this. Surely that’s what the board is for? Sorrrrreeeee

You are being deeply unreasonable, sorry. You could have asked up front what the price of zoom lessons is but you made an (incorrect) assumption.

The quality of lessons isn't lower on zoom and I've been paying my music teachers full price. They're giving the full time they used to give and actually they're having to work much harder to keep the children engaged over zoom than they would have otherwise.

The comment about providing coffee and being very generous is ridiculous! Paying on time is basic manners, not generosity.

@nocoolnamesleft

In what way is he aggressive? Because I would get rid of someone for aggression, but so far you haven't described any?

Cold might be a better word than aggressive I guess. Anyway, ok, fair enough, I think I have a balanced view now so thanks all. Night

"please pay £5" is neither rude nor treating you like a criminal. Please get a fucking grip.

Our zoom music lessons are full price.

I think musicians are really struggling and must be stressed. I’d be feeling undervalued and taken for granted too - but maybe that’s just me.

I'm with you OP. It does sound rude of him, and i don't think you were rude to query it. I get you were taken aback by the attitude, not the actual amount.

Re. Getting a new teacher. You could explore other teachers. The world's your oyster with zoom teaching, tho you might want to go with someone who can come to you when things are back to normal.

@Stopandlook

Veterinari

I’m not objecting to my Unreasonableness being pointed out! I’ve explained myself when asked and said several times I’ve taken every point on board (and paid the £5!)

I posted for outside perspective, I’ve had that, not really sure why I shouldn’t have started this. Surely that’s what the board is for? Sorrrrreeeee

@Stopandlook I've never suggested you shouldn't have started the thread. You've missed my point.

My point was that your behaviour doesn't actually line up with your perception.

You're saying he's unreasonable for 'quibbling' over a fiver but actually you're the one paying late, not paying the full amount and then starting a thread on the internet to try and validate your behaviour whilst claiming to be 'generous' and criticising him for wanting the full lesson price. I don't think he's the one 'quibbling' and I don't think you're as generous as you think you are. You've cast him as socially awkward and quibbling. You see yourself as his generous 'employer'.

But nothing about the situation that you've actually described, supports your narrative.

Well, he could have asked for the rest of the payment with a little more charm, it's true. But you don't know what he had on his hands at that precise moment. I won't waste time speculating - it could have been anything or nothing. Guy just wants paying, and conveys as much. You, on the receiving end, feel as if you've been unjustly told off. He probably didn't intend that at all. Let it go.

@Stopandlook

Thanks for all the comments, food for thought. My point is for 3 years we pay cash on the day, and then when we switch to paying online and it comes a day later, we are treated like criminals. It takes a bit of time to sit down and do it, and yes a day late but no more, and we are coldly spoken to! Our plumber wouldn’t treat us like that 🤷‍♀️

Most music teachers make you pay a full term's fees in advance. Being able to pay on the day is actually very generous of him. Nothing "generous" about you paying on time on the day - isn't that what you do every time you buy something in a shop?

If you think he is a good music teacher teaching your children well for a fair price, pay him the fair price. If you don't, find someone else.

There's certainly nothing generous or courteous about paying the next day.

I love how she's cast herself as benevolent because she makes him a coffee. Glad I don't work for you!

No need for him to be so rude

It’s not his fault you had to self isolate
He’s self employed
Jesus I’d hate to be in his shoes. What’s a fiver?

I suspect embarrassment is enough to end it though.

Get rid! What an arsehole.
DH is a tutor and every online lesson people just assume is £5 cheaper - which it is. He saves both time and petrol money. Usually he spends up to 20mins travelling there and then another 20 home. On zoom he just logs in 5 mins before and goes over a bit to ensure it’s the full lesson. He can easily explain. The rudeness is unnecessary. £5 won’t affect if he can bloody eat, people are ridiculous.

My reading of the OP is that when the £5 was queried by OP, instead of clarifying /confirming the rate had gone back up, the teacher simply responded with a curt ‘please pay it’ without further explanation.

I agree his approach was rather abrupt and bordering on rude, but in the scheme of things if he’s a decent teacher I think it would be foolish and rash to get rid of him. Overall it sounds like he’s provided a good service and is doing his job well, which is all you’re paying him for at the end of the day. Your DH does sound a little dramatic

He’s a bit abrupt but I’ve just thought socially awkward

So you've had him for 3 years knowing he's 'a bit abrupt' and 'socially awkward' and then got upset because he was 'a bit abrupt' and 'socially awkward'?

You took it as a slight when, going by what you've always known about him, it probably wasn't.

Non-issue. If you don't want to keep him anymore because he hurt your feelings, just let him go.

always pay on time

Well you didnt this time?

£5 won’t affect if he can bloody eat, people are ridiculous.

Maybe not, but if everyone paid £5 less it would have a bloody big impact on his finances!

Don't be so ridiculous and short sighted yourself.

Well he could have been more polite/ communicated more clearly but YABU overall.
You can't sack him as you don't employ him.
Self employed people have been under particular pressure this year and people in the arts generally have been badly hit (he may perform as well as teach)
How do you know his full financial circumstances? I don't think you should be commenting on this.
You sound as if you feel that you are doing him a big favour making him coffee, inviting him into your home and paying him. You are paying him the going rate to give your children lessons. You pay what you owe him, nothing kind in that. A lot of self employed music teachers ask for half a terms fee in advance.

If you don't like him or don't think he is a good teacher then by all means give him notice but cut out all the other stuff above because it makes you seem unkind and unreasonable.

Somebody gives you a discount once, that doesn’t mean they have to do it forever.

You were very rude to presume you would be getting it again, specially as you hadn’t had it for the last zoom lesson.