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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Raging (but quietly)

113 replies

WakingUp55643 · 17/11/2020 12:54

I'm a quiet person. When I get angry about something I just try and keep it to myself to keep the peace in the house. There are many many things I could give as an example, but this is from last night.
Dh spilled half a bottle of vegetable oil on the kitchen floor (not because he was cooking, to be clear. That doesn't happen.) and immediately called for me. Why tf he couldn't just deal with it I don't know. So I went in, started mopping it up with kitchen roll, he got some newspaper, made a half hearted attempt to clear more of it, then I asked him to go to the garden and get the bucket so I could wash the floor properly. He brought the bucket in and I got all the cleaning stuff out, scrubbing brush etc, and he said, "right, I'm just going to the co-op, do you want anything?" and left me on the floor scrubbing away. When he got back and I was clearing up the bristles that had come out of the brush, also having sorted out the mad broken cupboard full of carrier bags, he said, "oh, well done." All of this made me miss University Challenge (my only telly of the bloody week!) but he had helpfully put it on pause............ AIBU to be raging??
To add to this, he sat down (after I'd caught up with UC) and put on Kate Bush - This Woman's Work on youtube on the telly (did he not see the irony?) and continued with his music while I got the kids ready for bed. Then I ended up kicking over my glass of lemonade, cleaned that up, while he sat there joking on with our youngest, oblivious to me having to run upstairs to the bathroom for a cry. I felt like my head was going to burst. Anyway, that's it. I may have made it sound a bit drama queen-y, but this is just one evening....... Would you be angry?

OP posts:
romeolovedjulliet · 17/11/2020 16:17

don't clear up and crack on with chores then moan about it to randoms, talk to him !

PrincessNutNut · 17/11/2020 16:23

I looked at your previous threads, OP. You are so unhappy. How can the alternative life be worse than this one?

Still1nLove · 17/11/2020 16:26

Yabu

Why did you clean up his mess ffs

Ellie56 · 17/11/2020 16:32

Can't believe you cleaned his mess up for him. You should have left him to it.

Stop running round after him and make him pull his weight round the house, including sharing the cooking.

Dullardmullard · 17/11/2020 16:45

When he shouted for you your answer should of been and when seeing the mess.

Itsseweasy · 17/11/2020 16:56

YABU.
This drives me crazy. Why rage silently?
He waited for you to clear it up because he knows you will. He is taking advantage of your inability to speak up for your yourself or he possibly genuinely thinks that you don’t mind doing everything because you don’t complain.
Stop being a martyr, use your voice like the rest of us!

supersop60 · 17/11/2020 17:01

YANBU for being angry, and I bet you are mostly angry with yourself, and starting to resent your DH.
I've been there, and I've started training my self out of it.
Here's how the conversation could have gone
DH: Argh, I've spilt the oil!
OP: Oh no. What are you going to do?

That's it. His problem. Don't rescue any more.

supersop60 · 17/11/2020 17:07

Also - ignore what pp have said about people not liking you for being a people pleaser.
It's respect, not liking that you deserve.

MrDarcysMa · 17/11/2020 17:43

I don't understand why you didn't just ask him to clean it up immediately?

Iamthedevilinthedetail · 17/11/2020 18:06

My DH was this, until recently. If he made a mess, he'd clean it up but if any of the pets made a mess, he'd call me, wherever I was, whatever I was doing, and expect me to clean it up. I'd had enough recently and told him if he found a mess to clear it up and not let it soak in. Why did he feel I was the only one able to clean it up? etc etc. Since then, in fairness, he has cleared anything he's found. My sister's husband is the same. She cleans up messes, not him. I think it's maybe from mums cleaning up after their sons, so they get used to the idea that cleaning up messes is mum/wife's work. It's quite odd.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 17/11/2020 18:10

You got the bucket so YOU could clean? Don't be silly. Is he five?

katy1213 · 17/11/2020 18:13

If you let people walk all over you, they will. This was so self-inflicted that I don't even feel sorry for you.

SeasonallySnowyPeasant · 18/11/2020 09:19

Why did you clean it up? Confused He's not a toddler. He wasn't hurt.

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