What is your honest opinion of Eastern Europeans?

[tellmehowitis]

Name changed for this.
I've been in England for nearly a decade and have tried to integrate but so far the friends I have are other Eastern Europeans such as Polish, Latvian, Romanian etc. and also a few Spanish, Portuguese, Italian.

My experiences of English people (women especially) have been as follows:
-seeming friendly and saying things like "we should go for coffee/drinks" but not actually meaning it.
-most locals already have a social circle and don't seem to want to add to it (or don't want to add me specifically).
-if friendships do develop people will at some point suddenly decide they don't like me anymore for no reason (well there obviously is a reason but they don't say what it is).
-people blank me or act condescending. A woman on a course I was on actually turned away and looked at the ceiling when I said "hi, how are you", even though the previous day we'd had a perfectly pleasant chat. I couldn't think of what I could've said to offend, it was all general small talk like where we're from and what uni we went to etc. This has happened a few times with different people.

Maybe I'm just not likeable...but then there are no problems with people of other nationalities. I think I'm "normal" and not some weirdo, I speak English, have a job and am not here to "sponge" or any of the other stereotypes.

It didn't used to bother me too much but now I'm considering my long term future...even though materially speaking I have a nice life here I'm thinking of moving back home to settle down, because feeling like an outsider takes its toll emotionally.

I'm just curious though, what is it about me that locals don't like...is it my personality specifically that doesn't fit here, or is it because of my nationality? (It was the same before Brexit, so can't blame that).
If you're EE do you have English friends? And if you're English, would you be friends with an EE person? What do you honestly think of us as a whole?

@Mammylamb

Also, the comment about fat women not going to nightclubs just illustrates my point about being blunt!

I'm in a group of schoolyard mum friends. We're really close.

We live in Scotland and I'm English. Another of our group is English, two are Scottish, one Polish and the other is German. So no issues with anyone here.

However, the "Let's meet for coffee" thing is indeed a very British thing that we don't always get round to doing. If you want it to go ahead, take the lead and go for it. Say a time and place. Organise it and then you'll find it's easier to organise next time. If you get a bunch of excuses, try it one more time and then move on. If they have reasons not to then they might just not want to move from friendly acquaintance to friends.

@ImaSababa

Some are amazing, some are twats, some are fine. Like any group of people!

That.

I'm seventy and have known Eastern European people all my life, I never even think of. They are people.

We in England are not known for being overly friendly to anyone, in the sense of real sharing. We tend to be reserved, more so as we get older. It's nothing personal.

I'm sure there is nothing wrong with you and am sorry you are feeling as you do. You will make friends and they will be real ones.

@tellmehowitis sounds like you’re missing your ‘old’ life, and it might be something triggered with the lockdowns.

I feel like since I moved to the north I haven’t really made ‘friends’ and miss the south because that in my memory box is the time when life was fun.

I’m born and raised in the uk, but it’s obvious from my skin tone that my partners or grandparents were immigrants, so I know the feeling of being rejected based on baseless stereotypes (and random scornful looks 🙄), but I’m used to that (school was another story!)

Hope you feel better, but I think a lot of people have been feeling lonely and isolated since covid/lockdowns

I am not Easter European nor English; the Easter European women I have met; mainly through work are friendly and hard workers.

I have found English people in general friendly; as in any country I have found a few who are not so nice but the majority are fine. Saying this I have not formed any deep/close friendship with any in terms of going out and socialising , keeping in touch; when kids were in Primary I did more of things but they stopped when they moved to Secondary school. If I bump into any of them we have a nice chat and are friendly but that’s it.

My very best friends are in my home country and we met at University. I have a few social groups here which speak my same native language and are similar culture. I find this easier as you share similar things.

It does not affect me that I don’t have any English friends I socialise week o have formed deep friendships. I have my family and other groups I socialise with.

It is more difficult to make friends when you move here as an adult and meeting people with similar culture make it easier.

I would not worry too much or take it personal.

“Let’s meet for coffee” doesn’t necessarily mean the person is faking and doesn’t want to. It’s more what we say when we can’t quite engage our brains with the idea right now, or think of when and where.

It’s perfectly fine for you to be the one to do the running and suggest a time and place, but people are often busy so don’t take it personally if they can’t.

It’s more an “I’d like to have coffee with you, but can’t begin to work out how I’ll make this happen”

If you're doing a group activity how late does it finish? Can you suggest a drink after to the group when places are open again and see who's up for it? It's difficult this year but there might be something a bit christmassy that you could suggest.

I thought of something about my mum friend who is from a European country, when she has invited us round I have to take something because to me I can't go to someone's house without contributing to the snacks or drinks. If she doesn't want it or like it she won't open it and insists I take it home again. I find it quite sweet and funny but its a bit of a clash there that she doesn't know she's supposed to keep it.

people say I sound a bit American with just a hint of EE.

That’s probably it then. They think you’re American. A lot of British people live American TV and film but hate Americans in person - look at what we did to poor old Meghan Markle...

That was semi light-hearted. They might find it a bit weird that you speak like an American when you’ve spent so long living here though? Is that because of learning from American teachers/film/TV when you first learned English?

I'm Irish , so maybe it's different to England but there was a time that most of my neighbours were from Poland slovakia and Latvia . Such lovely people some had no english when they first came but we were still able to communicate sometimes through a third party who spoke both languages im from a small town so people who moved here would interact with the locals a lot but it's probably different in a city

@tellmehowitis

Oh yes I do think British people are generally nice. I just think maybe I don't fit in culturally despite living here for many years.

But your in your OP you only talk about the problems you've had with English people.

Have you lived elsewhere in the UK / mixed with any other kind of Brits?

My Ds's best mate at his SEN school is Polish. They have been best pals since primary. Neither of them can talk but the connection between them is amazing to see.

His parents have been by far the nicest, kindest people we have met through school and the only ones whenever we have a party they send a Thank you note.

They put many Brits to shame.

I think most of the stuff you describe is not a EE/British issue but a 'women' and a 'making friends once you are an adult' issue.

I am guilty of the 'oh we must....' and then doing bugger all about it, and its because I like staying in, don't like having guests, really don't like going out, it has sod all to do with the other person!

It is always going to be harder to make new friends as adults, particularly when you have moved to a new area.

I found it hard at 20 when I moved 5 miles away, but found friends with common interests, made friends with neighbours...

When I moved again at 30, even harder, I have made far fewer friends here (though also I think moving from north to south has something to do with that, northerners are friendlier!)

Most of my friends are online and scattered throughout the world, for the most part they are english speaking but they are also Australian, German, French, Polish, Latvian, Dutch, Belizean, American, Irish....

So whilst im sure there will be some arseholes who hear an accent and make judgements, I think most of it is the same issues we all have!

What often gets British people wound up is foreigners criticising the country whilst living and working there. If you don't like a country you don't have to live there, unless that's where you have citizenship and nobody else wants you.

Most Brits I've met would start the criticising about the state things well before I would. In the last decade, Brits would start criticising my birth country well before I could start. It seems in many areas that a good moan about a place is very British. My spouse likes to say that I've paid and jumped through enough legal hoops to be able to freely moan about it as much as I want, even if I haven't got my naturalization certificate yet.

Americans do this too, though the patriotic kind tend to get "if you don't like it you can leave" to everyone regardless of background. Still confuses me, especially when complaining about governments.

There was a long thread about this a few weeks ago. Has anything changed?

@midsomermurderess I think you're confusing me with someone else..this is the first time I've posted about this.

@TheDowagerDuchess Going for coffee isn't that complicated though...when I suggest a time/place my message either gets ignored or the person agrees and then cancels (but doesn't suggest an alternative time). I will try up to two times, but after that I'd feel like I'm being pushy so I stop asking.

I find the Polish very hard working. Italians very friendly, Germans rude and abrupt, French polite, Romanians horrible ( had awful experiences with many of them working in a shop)Spanish ok. Austrians rude and Greek Cypriats welcoming. I have lots of experience as am well traveled and the friendliest people I've met are the Americans !!

The 'foreigners' who live in the UK have a right to express how they feel. We're not second class citizens. Even people who are born in this country can leave if they're not happy, so really what you are saying is that we should just all of us, put up and shut up. Not try to improve anything. Or just people who were born here can try and improve the country. Or maybe those that have been here for 10 years of more. Oh and we can't have a moan. Like what the hell does Boris Johnson looked like this morning in his little video about bursting with antibodies. Does he ever wash his hair? Oh I feel better now. But I shouldn't, I'm a foriner.

How will we ever find a decent builder after Brexit - is all I want to know?

@WorraLiberty What I mean is that most people are nice to talk to but it rarely turns into a friendship, or if it does it never lasts.
There have been a few rude people like the woman on the course but they're a minority.
I was briefly in Scotland for work but not long enough to make proper friends. I did like it though and found the Scots more similar culturally to me. Mainly because they were more direct and I knew where I stood.

I don't think I've said anything negative about the UK or called anyone fat...slagging off someone's country or weight is rude in EE too!

I have some amazing european friends. I like them more because I know where I stand with them!

I think it is area dependant (yes even in the North). The more well heeled the area, the more I find the women are on their guard/less friendly.

I do think that there are a number of things at play too - do you have children? I am genuine when I offer to meet - but usually end up too busy to sort out a date. However, if a friend said something like 'coffee thursday?' I would usually try and be there (obviously pre covid restrictions). Same with work issues - if there's time and availability then that usually helps, but I know that often getting something in the diary is a big help.

Also, some people do tend to find bluntness rude - but I know this has caused some groups to be less welcome, particularly to people from other countries. Personally, like you, I find false niceties rude so it is entirely personality dependant. I also don't care about criticisms of Britain. I didn't realise how selective we are about our own history - until some of my european friends told me! Its been eye opening.

I don't know if it's a British thing or not, but I wish you all the best in your friendships. I would advise you to keep trying as you sound lovely

The English can fall out with the English just as much as anyone from any other country.

My area was heavily pro Brexit but there's an increasing number of Eastern European workers and other than a very small element, they've fit right in. People round here don't mind grafters.

I find them from Eastern Europe. Beyond that, I find the question ridiculous.

@CheetasOnFajitas I don't sound totally American. Most people can't quite place me and ask where I'm from.
Lots of non-native English speakers sound a bit American when they try to have a less "foreign" accent because yes, films and TV (mostly American ones being shown in their home countries) but also because English accents are more difficult for a non-native person to emulate.