What is your honest opinion of Eastern Europeans?

[tellmehowitis]

Name changed for this.
I've been in England for nearly a decade and have tried to integrate but so far the friends I have are other Eastern Europeans such as Polish, Latvian, Romanian etc. and also a few Spanish, Portuguese, Italian.

My experiences of English people (women especially) have been as follows:
-seeming friendly and saying things like "we should go for coffee/drinks" but not actually meaning it.
-most locals already have a social circle and don't seem to want to add to it (or don't want to add me specifically).
-if friendships do develop people will at some point suddenly decide they don't like me anymore for no reason (well there obviously is a reason but they don't say what it is).
-people blank me or act condescending. A woman on a course I was on actually turned away and looked at the ceiling when I said "hi, how are you", even though the previous day we'd had a perfectly pleasant chat. I couldn't think of what I could've said to offend, it was all general small talk like where we're from and what uni we went to etc. This has happened a few times with different people.

Maybe I'm just not likeable...but then there are no problems with people of other nationalities. I think I'm "normal" and not some weirdo, I speak English, have a job and am not here to "sponge" or any of the other stereotypes.

It didn't used to bother me too much but now I'm considering my long term future...even though materially speaking I have a nice life here I'm thinking of moving back home to settle down, because feeling like an outsider takes its toll emotionally.

I'm just curious though, what is it about me that locals don't like...is it my personality specifically that doesn't fit here, or is it because of my nationality? (It was the same before Brexit, so can't blame that).
If you're EE do you have English friends? And if you're English, would you be friends with an EE person? What do you honestly think of us as a whole?

OP, maybe you are too/very pretty. I've read that some women feel threatened by a pretty friend.

The stereotyping on here is weird. Virtually everyone I know is hardworking and surprise, surprise they’re not all EE. In fact they are from a range of ethnicities, nationalities and background.

EE are no more hardworking than Brits or Australians or Canadians, etc.

My best friend is an Eastern European.

I’m not English I’m from one of the other constituent nations of the untied kingdom.

😂😂😂

UNITED!

@BLToutanowhere

The English can fall out with the English just as much as anyone from any other country.

My area was heavily pro Brexit but there's an increasing number of Eastern European workers and other than a very small element, they've fit right in. People round here don't mind grafters.

Quite so. I voted for Brexit because the UK needs to introduce immigration controls. That doesn't mean I don't like immigrants - I am one myself! It just means that I want the UK's population growth to slow down a bit, because I'm worried about housing supply, public service provision, and C2DE wages.

My best friend is polish and very blunt. I'm very say it like it is too, so we get on. English people say one thing and mean completely different. Do you follow Very British problems they explain this so well ( I'm English btw, but I've lost a few friends by cracking some bad jokes ie you know what Hr types are like, when discussing waiting on an invite outcome to a friend who worked in HR)

Unfortunately, not great. Neighbours next door are Polish, whole family only socialise with others of same nationality. Very loud, to the point I have had no option to report to local authorities on several occasions. They had parties during lockdown even though they were aware of the rules like everyone else. Their dog bit a school child a few months ago and they did not apologise to the child's mother, or check the welfare of the child. Their teenage son had his girlfriend over all last year, the noise they made all through the night was awful. Made me unwell and on edge wondering if I would get a decent sleep. They have a baby now so karma has got them. Other than hello, have nothing to say to them. Best avoided.

On the other hand, have met others in different circumstances who are polite and not an issue. My neighbours are very insular.

@pessimistiquerealistique

OP, maybe you are too/very pretty. I've read that some women feel threatened by a pretty friend.

😅😅😅

Great to see the covert xenophobes are out. Nobody asked for your political opinions on immigration actually.

blowinahoolie, well this family sounds very similar to many British families. Just read Mumsnet complaining about their noisy disfunctional NDN.

I married one

What often gets British people wound up is foreigners criticising the country whilst living and working there. If you don't like a country you don't have to live there, unless that's where you have citizenship and nobody else wants you.
I will criticise freely wherever I pay taxes. The fact that I don't have a British passport doesn't mean that I can't say that x and y are quite shit and maybe something should be done about it It also doesn't mean that I think the whole of UK is shit. Obviously.

Op, I think it's the combination of having encountered some quite rude natives AND the fact some of your friends left. I get you. I am planning ahead and planning a move in some years, but not for same reasons exactly. UK has changed in last 5 years. I can't really explain how exactly, just feel the change and it's not a good feeling. But can't put it in words. Maybe it's everywhere? I don't know.

Others in the street don't behave this way so I wish that was the case pessimistic as it would be easier to cope knowing other neighbours are going through similar. Nope, seems not. Just unfortunate, that's all. If they were Scottish or Welsh and lived next door, I would still wish they would sell up and move on!

OP, at least you have friends and itt doesn't
really matter where they come from. What matters that they're good people and you can have fun with them and trust them.
My most important friend is my DH, then my DSis and then a few friends I made when our children used to attend the same primary school. We meet sometimes separately, go for a walk or have coffee and that's it.

Impossible to put in one group as there are so many.
The ones I've met professionally are extremely hard working,straight forward and confident.

@SchrodingersImmigrant I don't know about that...I see how it can put people on the defensive even if you do have the right to criticise. It's like slagging off your family - you can do it but if someone else does it you'd get offended.
I know what you mean about the atmosphere having changed...although I'm not sure if it really has changed or if it's just me...before, I was at uni and had a purpose to be here. Now I'm just plotting along, going to work and coming home, doing a hobby every now and then. I could do the same things in my county but with the advantage of feeling at home and no rent to pay.

blowinahoolie, I meant that I've read not once on Mumsnet about such neighbours and no-one said they were foreigners so they must have been British. I wouldn't be able to leave next door to such neighbours mainly because we have young children. I think we would move.

@user1471565182

Great to see the covert xenophobes are out. Nobody asked for your political opinions on immigration actually.

What xenophobia? If the UK's population was falling as precipitately as it has been rising for the last 15 years, I would be vehemently advocating increased immigration.

As someone that’s Eastern European I find the stereotyping really annoying. Maybe it’s the people that you’ve met rather then where their from. Me personally it doesn’t matter where you are from as long as your not a dickhead.

My view for what it's worth is that to consider Eastern Europeans as if they were all similar is wrong, just as you would not label all people of South Asian heritage as having common traits, or all people from the north of England.

They have quietened down to be fair. I think since the child's mother made a formal complaint to the police about dog bite, they are careful about what they are doing. More than one individual in the community has sussed them out, so it's not a simple case of victimisation if you like. Not a problem with any neighbour of any nationality as long as they are quiet!! I have kids too, hence why it has been very upsetting how inconsiderate they were.

I'm British and have exactly the same issue with making friends rather than acquaintances. People being too busy, cancelling etc and not suggesting an alternative so you give up - exactly the same for me.

I'd love to have chats with neighbours and friendly outings, and weekends away with work colleagues.

No solutions

[quote tellmehowitis]@SchrodingersImmigrant I don't know about that...I see how it can put people on the defensive even if you do have the right to criticise. It's like slagging off your family - you can do it but if someone else does it you'd get offended.
I know what you mean about the atmosphere having changed...although I'm not sure if it really has changed or if it's just me...before, I was at uni and had a purpose to be here. Now I'm just plotting along, going to work and coming home, doing a hobby every now and then. I could do the same things in my county but with the advantage of feeling at home and no rent to pay. [/quote]
Are you close to the friends you do have, the ones who are not British? Do they feel the same about making British friends? Reading between the lines you sound like you are in that slightly no man’s land time when you are no longer a student but not settled with partner and kids either and that is a time when forming strong friendships is very important. If you were 10 years older with a partner and kids you’d have social networks through school and someone with whom you had chosen to build a life, so you would probably notice the other social interactions less.
Do you have any friends in the U.K. from your own country, with whom you can speak your native language, reminisce about your shared cultural past? (eg British adults love nothing more than a good old chat about what kids’ TV they used to watch but, with the best will in the world, you’re never going to be able to join in those conversations).

If not, did you consciously avoid this?

@tellmehowitis it sounds like combination of few things and I totally get you (every autumn i am determined to move so do a research on different countries😂 It's just such an urge for change!). And it was a hard year too. It's not easy.

I hope you will fond what will make you happy

@CheetasOnFajitas Yeah I think that's spot on about the no man's land.
I am close to friends of other nationalities...or was, when they were here. A lot have moved away now and they tend to be transient.
I have a few friends from my nationality, yes. They also say they find it hard to make friends with Brits, so they don't bother. They're content to just hang out in the immigrant community, watching TV from our country on streaming services, only cooking food from our home country and basically having an insular home away from home set up. I don't really want to live like that though.
We also don't have that much in common other than nationality...they're nice enough but if I met them in my home county I doubt we'd be friends.