What is your honest opinion of Eastern Europeans?

[tellmehowitis]

Name changed for this.
I've been in England for nearly a decade and have tried to integrate but so far the friends I have are other Eastern Europeans such as Polish, Latvian, Romanian etc. and also a few Spanish, Portuguese, Italian.

My experiences of English people (women especially) have been as follows:
-seeming friendly and saying things like "we should go for coffee/drinks" but not actually meaning it.
-most locals already have a social circle and don't seem to want to add to it (or don't want to add me specifically).
-if friendships do develop people will at some point suddenly decide they don't like me anymore for no reason (well there obviously is a reason but they don't say what it is).
-people blank me or act condescending. A woman on a course I was on actually turned away and looked at the ceiling when I said "hi, how are you", even though the previous day we'd had a perfectly pleasant chat. I couldn't think of what I could've said to offend, it was all general small talk like where we're from and what uni we went to etc. This has happened a few times with different people.

Maybe I'm just not likeable...but then there are no problems with people of other nationalities. I think I'm "normal" and not some weirdo, I speak English, have a job and am not here to "sponge" or any of the other stereotypes.

It didn't used to bother me too much but now I'm considering my long term future...even though materially speaking I have a nice life here I'm thinking of moving back home to settle down, because feeling like an outsider takes its toll emotionally.

I'm just curious though, what is it about me that locals don't like...is it my personality specifically that doesn't fit here, or is it because of my nationality? (It was the same before Brexit, so can't blame that).
If you're EE do you have English friends? And if you're English, would you be friends with an EE person? What do you honestly think of us as a whole?

I love working with my EE colleagues. They are good at their work and hardworking. (I'm not generalising EE people, just speaking about those I work with).
I don't socialise with coworkers, but I will make polite noises if they hint at it. (and then avoid it like crazy!).
Obviously a lot of people are just plain xenophobic or racist, but a lot more don't care about nationality/race, IMO.

Like any nationality there a good and bad, but I do find most have a great work ethic.

Love EEuropeans, love having Polish delis around, generally seek out EE tradespeople.

It might depend a bit where you are. In London everyone tends to integrate better than towns and cities where there are fewer immigrants generally.

I think many British (or at least English) women have suffered from most of those points on your list!

I have two female friends who are Eastern European, who are both very different from each other but both lovely and I enjoy their company in different ways. I don't really have any perceptions of people by their nationality, everyone is different. There are knobheads the world over, just as there are nice, funny, kind ones.

I’m British but I lived in Czechia for years and some of my best friends are Czech / Eastern European, one of my oldest friends from University is Ukrainian. Obviously you can’t generalise but I found the Czech people to be warm, well read, fun and energetic.

I must say I don’t often meet Eastern European’s now I live in the uk again, I hear them on the bus and if they speak Czech it’s interesting as I know the language quite well and wonder if they’d be surprised knowing a Brit on the bus can follow what they are saying quite well! It’s never anything too interesting I have to say, just general chit chat.

The only Eastern European I’ve met in recent years here in the uk is a Polish woman who is married to my cousin, she is friendly and sort of nice is some ways but she’s also racist which puts me off her, but that’s just her.

I do think that in the UK people aren’t always very active about friendship, most of them are quite casual especially once your married with kids. There is a whole thread on here at the moment about how common it is for many adults here to have no friends. As others have said saying let’s meet for coffee is just something people say, it happens to all of us, it’s probably meant well and they probably do like you but they feel to busy, or overwhelmed to follow up.

I think the same can be said for a lot of the more Northern European countries like Norway, Sweden, Denmark and Finland are all notoriously difficult to make friends in (I’ve also lived briefly in Norway and this was the general consensus of the UK and American immigrants I met there).
I think you are right that people here have a group of old friends they might have known from school or uni and they take up all their spare time so they don’t actually have room for more friends. I’m not even sure how it goes in E.E. countries it could be the same once you get a bit older and have kids?

You have to really go out your way to meet people who want and have time for friends. I like to meet new people but probably wouldn’t pursue a friendship with someone jut for the sake of it, there would have to be a spark or connection there but it’s tricky as when your an adult there is just less time and opportunity to spend time with people and to naturally find the spark.

Op I doubt it’s you it’s just the culture here, people are time poor, more reserved in general and it’s not uncommon to make few friends beyond your school days.

I've worked in a pharmacy the last 6 years and alot of my colleagues have been Eastern European women. Most of them I have found lovley and lots of fun BUT I have been offended by them many times, my husband said its a different culture and they might be more blunt and honest than the British? Not trying to offend but that has been my experience.

It's not just eastern Europeans. I'm French and it took me 15 years to start making friends with English women. All my friends were from other countries. I also had many male friends (I work in male-dominated industry).

I ended up making very good female friends after I had children. I think it does smooth things over and maybe breaking ice is easier. Also I've stopped moving around so much so that's easier.

I don't really have an opinion. The only Polish woman I know is very forthright though, which can come across as rude, especially if you're not used to it.

There was non-stop racist media about Romanians and Bulgarians joining the EU for years through the Daily Mail, so it would be surprising if none of that had any effect at all on how some people view foreigners in general and from those countries in particular.

If you live in a multi-cultural area, it's probably fine. In small towns, more insular places, yes, people are put off by a strong accent. I arrange my husband's business all the time knowing if people hear his strong accent they would be put off, but when he turned up, charming and got on with the job, it would be fine. It is the same as racism, it's quite insidious and you can't prove it's going on, and many people are not like this, but over time you notice a pattern. It's definitely easier to be white British, not easy to make friends in the playground, but you have a strong accent and don't blend very well, it will be much harder to the point it's almost impossible in some areas.

I have friends from all over Europe and the world, but deliberately moved to a multi-cultural more diverse community to get away from the UKIP and then the Brexit posters.

I'm English and tbh you have summed up English school run parents perfectly 😂 it's not you, they are like that with everyone. My husband is ex forces so I have had to move areas a few times, English friendships generally take years to cultivate and so most local people have friends they have had since school and aren't interested in new friends.

In my experience the Eastern European mums and dads are often the friendliest people.

My own experiences of East European people living in the UK has been overwhelmingly positive. One of my good friends is from Bratislava, and she has introduced me to many other lovely people from her part of the world. They are friendly, decent people with a work ethic which puts many native Brits to shame. Unsurprisingly, every single one of them thinks Brexit is crazy.

@ShadyBansheeThing

Reading this I actually think I'd like some EE friends if they were blunt, as I really like that. I struggle with the British hesitation to say what you mean, and I'm often called blunt thought I don't mean to be.

The bluntest and most shockingly rude (to British sensibilities) nationality I've experienced was Costa Rican. Discussing everyone's appearance and weight in front of them, asking mortifying personal questions, expressing horror that I wasn't married with kids by 30 and telling me I'd be an old maid! It threw me at first but then I got used to it and quite liked it!

You haven't met my Irish family 👀 🤣🤣🤣

I think any country will have all types of folks within it.

I have to say that the immigrants from Eastern Europe I have had contact with in the last 15 hrs have all been very hard workers which has impressed me.

I am aware that those who chose to move countries, wherever they originate from and go to, are a self selecting group that might show more of some attributes than others!

I am a life-long expat of Indian origin and have lived in 8 countries, making friends in each one. Just arrived in London.

I think most of the things you mention here are not unique to the British. People all over the world tend to stick to their school or uni friends, are time poor ( more so now), and often mention meeting up without really meaning it. I do not think British people are any worse in this regard; in fact I have found them keener to make friends than many other nationalities!

I have always found it easier to make friends through group events such as book clubs, sports clubs, and so on, where people will have "a reason" to attend. That way, you don't have to chase people for coffee. Within the group, I then reach out to make individual friends. I would also say women with children who have grown up or left the nest have more time to make friends.

The woman who blanked you was certainly rude. There are a few of those everywhere.

Lots of Eastern European people round here, I consider them very easy to live alongside.
Please don't write all of us English off as rude.

My experience of people from Eastern Europe has generally been positive. And thank God for dentists from Poland.
I've had some of the experiences you describe, despite being British. I think that English women can be snobby and ready to exclude people. I remember once suggesting a playdate to another mum. Our children did an activity together several times a week. She literally just laughed. As though it was a ridiculous suggestion. If you wear the wrong clothes or live in the wrong house or whatever, some women don't consider you good enough to socialise with.

Hi OP, I'm english married to an EE and DH feels like a total alien and totally unwanted in the UK....he's been here over 20 years.
Some of your comments just reflect unfriendly english people and some are accurate assumptions of how the english view EE. "meet for coffee" means nothing....if I say meet for coffee and mean it I will follow up with a text with dates....but brits are so bloody flakey that often I don't get a response....so I don't chase.
Where are you in the UK and what do you do? When we lived in London it was such a melting pot that it wasn't really an issue , we had friends of many nationalities......in fact most of my friends are foreign. BUT we moved back to the 1940s to the countryside and sometimes the resentment towards DH is palpable. He rarely gets asked to join dads group activities and when he says where is he from there is obvious surprise....in a negative way. I used to think DH was just paranoid about this, but actually he really isn't. I think in part its because we live somewhere very middle class and white.......there aren't too many foreigners and even Londoners are regarded with suspicion and distrust. Made worse by the fact that any EE who do live here work in trades, whereas DH has a well paid professional niche job. There is a definite resentment that someone from EE could climb out of communism and 'steal' a senior management british job. We do intermittently talk of moving to another country, but i can't speak his language (although am not opposed to learning), so probably wouldn't be 'home' for him. We did briefly live somewhere else and I never felt I fitted in - most people had lived their whole lives there and already had a friendship group, and couldn't be arsed to make another friend, which i guess is their choice. I'd be your friend x

I do not think categorising people by their nationalities is helpful when trying to make friends. If I were asked "What do you think of Australians?" I would reply "Which Australian?" I make friends because of common interests, not their nationalities. I would hate to only hang out with other Indians.

Another Eastern European here. I completely sympathise with you! I could have written your post a few years ago - every single point you described.

I don’t have any close friends who are English, just acquaintances, mainly through baby groups, school etc. I took me a while to realise that it’s not because of me personally, but because a) I haven’t met the right person(s) yet and b) Central/ Eastern European culture is just too different to the English culture. We tend to overshare, are extremely direct, overemphasise, sometimes overreact but all with good intensions. Unfortunately this can be seen here as rude, too intense, uncomfortable. Over the last 20 years I must have put my foot in it so many times! I’m still learning how to tone it down in order to fit in.

But 2 years ago through our local FB group I joined a fitness group of women, most are English, some European and over our shared interest we just click straight away. I’ve never felt more included and accepted in my life. Well worth the long wait ; -)

Wonder if the OP will bother coming back?

As a vast generalisation, all of the eastern europeans I've met have been very friendly, very generous and incredibly hard working.

I have no problem with them at all, and am very happy with the Polish shop that has opened up near me recently as they have the best deli and snacks.

So the more the merrier if you ask me

I mean to say I only have experience of London. Possibly different in the rest of the UK.

I know a few Poles and Czechs.

I would say they all have an amazing work ethic, are very straight forward, love to socialise and have a strange slightly dark humour.

I'm English and tbh you have summed up English school run parents perfectly 😂

nailed it!

Yeah the ‘let’s meet up’ thing happens to us all. It never actually means let’s meet up unless you arrange a date there and then. People just say it to be polite at the time but really they have no interest in seeing you.

I don’t really view Eastern European’s as a separate entity. Some are lovely, some are not- same as any nationality.