What is your honest opinion of Eastern Europeans?

[tellmehowitis]

Name changed for this.
I've been in England for nearly a decade and have tried to integrate but so far the friends I have are other Eastern Europeans such as Polish, Latvian, Romanian etc. and also a few Spanish, Portuguese, Italian.

My experiences of English people (women especially) have been as follows:
-seeming friendly and saying things like "we should go for coffee/drinks" but not actually meaning it.
-most locals already have a social circle and don't seem to want to add to it (or don't want to add me specifically).
-if friendships do develop people will at some point suddenly decide they don't like me anymore for no reason (well there obviously is a reason but they don't say what it is).
-people blank me or act condescending. A woman on a course I was on actually turned away and looked at the ceiling when I said "hi, how are you", even though the previous day we'd had a perfectly pleasant chat. I couldn't think of what I could've said to offend, it was all general small talk like where we're from and what uni we went to etc. This has happened a few times with different people.

Maybe I'm just not likeable...but then there are no problems with people of other nationalities. I think I'm "normal" and not some weirdo, I speak English, have a job and am not here to "sponge" or any of the other stereotypes.

It didn't used to bother me too much but now I'm considering my long term future...even though materially speaking I have a nice life here I'm thinking of moving back home to settle down, because feeling like an outsider takes its toll emotionally.

I'm just curious though, what is it about me that locals don't like...is it my personality specifically that doesn't fit here, or is it because of my nationality? (It was the same before Brexit, so can't blame that).
If you're EE do you have English friends? And if you're English, would you be friends with an EE person? What do you honestly think of us as a whole?

CatbearAmo oh yes, the bluntness can be extraordinary, I was sometimes shocked when a close friend (from Slovakia) announced things like: "Firesong, you have really put on weight! Sooo much weight!" I was 5'5" and 9st! But yes, when I said that it was a bit rude, she told me that English people tend to be oversensitive on such topics. We didn't fall out and all was fine, but I suppose there are cultural differences

@Seychelles98 Yes there is a criminal element with drugs/trafficking/fraud within some EE countries, it's a big problem. It's because after communism fell the whole system collapsed and there was very little control. There is now still a problem with corruption within the legal system. So this allows criminal gangs to flourish.
But the "normal" people hate this and there have been many protests about it. We're not thrilled about them being allowed free movement either. I don't actually know any people like that though, either in the Uk or my home country. I just don't move in those circles. I can understand why some people would be weary about EEs on that basis though.

I’m blunt and English... probably list friends over the years but that’s fine, I’m not everyone’s cup of tea! I know some polish people, the only long term one is lovely but we don’t have loads in common although we both tried and I would go for a coffee with her anytime because she is so nice. I think the only obstacle with me is my sense of humour, I’m quite sarcastic and that doesn’t always travel across a cultural divide. I never made close friends with school mums or work colleagues, more people I met doing a hobby etc as we had something in common. No answers op, but it’s a short life so be comfortable in it

I'm from EE and I don't have any EE friends,despite knowing quite a few,including from my own country.

I have a few(2/3) English friends, a Scottish friend and my best friend is American.

randomer cheers for the correction. Central European more accurate

Blunt. Serious.

As with any group, it's hard to generalise, but most people from eastern Europe that I have met are hardworking, very family orientated, and often speak multiple languages. Many are quite religious, usually Catholic. The children make friends easily, and are often very keen to tell you about their culture. I like Polish food!

I have a few Polish friends. You can’t really generalise as all three of them are very different people, but I really like them all for who they are.

@OwlOne

Blunt. Serious.

Technically I am not Easter European, but I am in the UK and I disagree. I think we are less "serious" than English. 🤔

I’m British and when I lived abroad for a few years in another European country I had a very similar experience. All of my friends ended up being also non-native to the country (people I worked with, people from my language class, other wives of my husband’s work) and it seemed hard to break into any friendship groups with the native population. I think it was because we were all outsiders that we all immediately had something in common it was easy to make small talk and compare experiences of moving & living somewhere new. Also none of us had family or old friends living nearby so we were all looking for the same kind of new friendship.

The native population weren’t unfriendly - they just were all settled and not really looking for new friends. I do think it depends where you are living - smaller towns & some cities can be a bit parochial and people grow up and stay forever in the same area which makes it a lot harder as they have an already established social circle.

I did eventually move back home though and I’m so glad I did. I didn’t realise how unrooted it made me feel living somewhere that I didn’t feel I completely “belonged”.

Maybe I am naive but I’d like to think that you’re in the same situation and people aren’t being deliberately unfriendly. All I can say is cherish the friends you do have... wherever they are from!

I’d be friends with anyone who was nice, regardless.

There are a lot of EE where I live and my children have lots of EE friends at school.

My cleaners are all Romanian. My first cleaner was an O/T who couldn't get a job and who eventually went back home. From her I've met others in the community who are all lovely.

My only comment is that their English isn't great and I'm not sure if they use it to keep their distance.

I grew up in Glasgow in the 80s surrounded by Lithuanians, who were all very nice. My children have grown up surrounded by Polish kids who come from lovely families. My kids are absolutely dazzled by their language skills as many started Primary or Secondary school with little English and now speak full Glaswegian. 😂

I work with someone from Croatia who is lovely tells me lots of really interesting stuff and is always fun to be around.

I would not take it personally if someone was rude to me without reason or I thought they had some kind of biases against me. There are a whole load of idiots out there who will take issue with someone who they think is outside their ‘sort’ of people. Don’t waste your energy on them, they are a lost cause and their issues are not about you so don’t let it pollute your state of mind.

My experiences of English people (women especially) have been as follows
seeming friendly and saying things like "we should go for coffee/drinks" but not actually meaning it
most locals already have a social circle and don't seem to want to add to it (or don't want to add me specifically
if friendships do develop people will at some point suddenly decide they don't like me anymore for no reason (well there obviously is a reason but they don't say what it is
-people blank me or act condescending. A woman on a course I was on actually turned away and looked at the ceiling when I said "hi, how are you", even though the previous day we'd had a perfectly pleasant chat. I couldn't think of what I could've said to offend, it was all general small talk like where we're from and what uni we went to etc. This has happened a few times with different people

I was born here (although family were immigrants)

I could have written exactly the same.

I found it better in London. Didn’t leave any friends behind when I moved from North to South.

Also have to say I only have one English friend and she isn’t exactly 100% Anglo Saxon. My friends consist of Italian, Romanian, Nigerian and Indian. Never really thought about it before.

I’m Latvian, been in the UK 4 years. I’ve made good friends at the office and haven’t felt any snobbism.

I have a toddler now and feel that most mums at the playground aren’t very open for chatting, they already have their mums friends, but it’s relatively easy to start talking at organized baby groups.

Yeah like others have said, it's quite a British thing to say "Oh we must meet up, I'll message you!" then never actually do it. I think it's also quite easy to meet someone a couple of times and then for it just to fizzle out. It doesn't mean they don't like you - life gets in the way and if you were only ever casual acquaintances the friendship isn't going to be a priority.
As for my opinion on Eastern Europeans, I know one Polish lady quite well who is absolutely lovely. My Mum used to work with quite a few Polish people at a hotel. She said they were a mixed bag really, some were standoffish but some were really friendly and fun, so just like any culture really.
Honestly, people are just dicks. I'm British and experience rudeness from strangers on a regular basis. I know it can be hard not to take it personally.

We actually mentioned these overpolite invites on another thread.
Basically it's the overdose of politness in the middle of a panic about social interaction.
"We must meet up soon/You must come and visit" is just a part of a conversation like "The weather we are having, eh".
It's not being rude or fake. It's just so deeply embedded it's just... There.

Got it! Bets example. It's like "You alright".
Don't answer. Just say "You alright". Took me a year to stop doing. "I am ok, thanks how are you" while they walked away😂😂😂
"You must come visit" "Oh, you too must come sometimes" done. Crossed the polite interaction

Shrodinger what's my excuse as I am Scottish and I still occasionally reply when folk ask "you alright?" lol

@blowinahoolie

Shrodinger what's my excuse as I am Scottish and I still occasionally reply when folk ask "you alright?" lol

😂 You are just one of us who likes to answer questions with an answer not another question.

Precisely! I have never understood the "you alright" thing. I feel like saying don't ask if you don't mean it! A hello does the job...and nice weather!

I have a close EE friend. I've also worked with a lot of Eastern Europeans. I think they are usually lovely, hard working,family orientated etc. I think the thing British people are a little reticent about is the calling a spade a spade trait . My friend & work colleagues don't pussy foot around things. Having had Northern parents, I actually don't have a problem with that, (I'm the same but have learnt to reign it in) but some of my colleagues did. And yes we are terrible for meaningless social etiquette statements like "we should catch up/ do coffee soon".

My experiences of English people (women especially) have been as follows:
-seeming friendly and saying things like "we should go for coffee/drinks" but not actually meaning it.

Have you tried making the first move and setting a date/time/place for coffee? Sometimes they say it out of politeness but many are shy and fear rejection so hope the other person will make the first move. If you’ve swapped numbers you could text or WhatsApp them to arrange it (guess it will be coffee in the park right now though!)

-most locals already have a social circle and don't seem to want to add to it (or don't want to add me specifically).

As an English woman I’ve experienced the same, you just have to keep trying different groups or advertise on a local FB group for new friends. If you have a baby/toddler you might need to try a few (it took me about 5 different groups before I found my friends!)

-if friendships do develop people will at some point suddenly decide they don't like me anymore for no reason (well there obviously is a reason but they don't say what it is).

Have you asked them directly why?
Do you come across as overly shy/awkward or overly talkative/personal? I don’t think this is a cultural thing. A lot of people are busy and stressed with work/kids and let friendships slide even if they like you.

-people blank me or act condescending. A woman on a course I was on actually turned away and looked at the ceiling when I said "hi, how are you", even though the previous day we'd had a perfectly pleasant chat. I couldn't think of what I could've said to offend, it was all general small talk like where we're from and what uni we went to etc. This has happened a few times with different people.

Those people were really rude or maybe very socially awkward or shy. It happens sometimes regardless of culture. It’s happened to me a few times and I’m English.

Personally I’ve lived in a building of shared flats with Polish families and found them mostly very friendly, cheerful, kind people. They always offered to help me carry my shopping up the stairs or made a fuss of my baby or just stopped for a chat. They were quiet too, yet never complained about my baby crying or me stumbling down the stairs with the buggy at 6:30am to take baby to nursery. If I hadn’t been working full time and exhausted I probably would have tried harder to make friends but I was in a bit of a sleep deprived fog back then!

I can't form an option on all Eastern Europeans as I don't know enough to make a sweeping judgement like that.

My colleague and friend at work is Polish and she's great, we get on really well.

There are a few EE mums at the school but I've never really spoken to them as they don't really join in with the group chats or attend parties (well none of them have ever attended any of my DCs although invited), so maybe they like to keep themselves to themselves I'm not sure.

I prefer to think about individuals rather than a group of people and make assumptions on their personality based on their actual personality than their heritage.

OP, it’s NOT you and it’s not an Eastern European thing! We are immigrants with British ancestry / English as a first language and have not integrated after 13 years.

Nearly all our friends are EU or anitpodean. Very few English, we did have a wider circle of English friends before referendum but the discovery that some were actually racist / xenophobic has led us to reduce contact with brexiteeers.

We did see Americans integrating better than us via the church but we are aethiest so that’s not feasible.

Try not to be disappointed that you’re not accepted / integrated into English life. It’s not you, honestly!