What is your honest opinion of Eastern Europeans?

[tellmehowitis]

Name changed for this.
I've been in England for nearly a decade and have tried to integrate but so far the friends I have are other Eastern Europeans such as Polish, Latvian, Romanian etc. and also a few Spanish, Portuguese, Italian.

My experiences of English people (women especially) have been as follows:
-seeming friendly and saying things like "we should go for coffee/drinks" but not actually meaning it.
-most locals already have a social circle and don't seem to want to add to it (or don't want to add me specifically).
-if friendships do develop people will at some point suddenly decide they don't like me anymore for no reason (well there obviously is a reason but they don't say what it is).
-people blank me or act condescending. A woman on a course I was on actually turned away and looked at the ceiling when I said "hi, how are you", even though the previous day we'd had a perfectly pleasant chat. I couldn't think of what I could've said to offend, it was all general small talk like where we're from and what uni we went to etc. This has happened a few times with different people.

Maybe I'm just not likeable...but then there are no problems with people of other nationalities. I think I'm "normal" and not some weirdo, I speak English, have a job and am not here to "sponge" or any of the other stereotypes.

It didn't used to bother me too much but now I'm considering my long term future...even though materially speaking I have a nice life here I'm thinking of moving back home to settle down, because feeling like an outsider takes its toll emotionally.

I'm just curious though, what is it about me that locals don't like...is it my personality specifically that doesn't fit here, or is it because of my nationality? (It was the same before Brexit, so can't blame that).
If you're EE do you have English friends? And if you're English, would you be friends with an EE person? What do you honestly think of us as a whole?

"They're content to just hang out in the immigrant community, watching TV from our country on streaming services, only cooking food from our home country and basically having an insular home away from home set up."

Ha, you've probably just described my neighbours

I wouldn’t be discouraged OP, the only Eastern Europeans (from the kids’ school) I attempted to befriend both turned me down for a play date with our kids in a very obviously way, like “haha no thanks”. I have other friends and made friends since. Some people English or Eastern European or otherwise are just not interested in friendship. Please don’t give up. It’s like dating, it’s a numbers game.

The ‘we must meet’ thing is endemic and i hate it as a native English person!
Most of what you say is cultural to Britain tbh. I think most English people would agree.
I don’t know many EE people - a friend of my good friend is Polish and she is lovely, I like seeing her. My DS has a friend from EE and I got to know his mum a bit when they were younger, but we didn’t really have much in common.
Tbh I’d just treat a person from EE like I do any other, if I get to know them and like them I’ll be friendly etc. If I don’t, but have to be pleasant at work I will just say ‘good morning’ and be polite but keep a distance.

I agree that it's a British thing to suggest meeting up and not meaning it. This can be depressing. But that isn't always the case. Sometimes life gets in the way and we forget. If you continue to get on well with them then invite them for tea/coffee at your house or to meet up at a pub/tea room. (Okay, I know we're in lockdown right now, but hopefully that will be over soon.

Don't assume they're not interested. I've sometimes genuinely forgotten and really don't mind being reminded.

Regarding the "hard working" thing..that one always makes me laugh because yes, we're very hard working abroad, but lazy as hell in our own country...think extended lunches, having a smoke and a chat every 20 minutes, a siesta in the afternoon, clearing off to the seaside/granny's house in the country for a month at a time in the summer.
But now there are American and British companies opening offices (mainly call centres and back offices) so lots of people who have gone for jobs there have had a bit of a shock at the intensity of the work.

Polish people are not Eastern European btw.

I have friends from various European countries, I like people regardless of nationality. Recently I have worked online with some amazing people from European countries who I am very grateful for, as I think this country would collapse without you all!!

@randomer fair enough. I think it's still a thing to think of Poland and the Czech Republic as Eastern European (I confess I do too, despite my Czech heritage) because they were behind the Iron Curtain during the Cold War. Hence they were lumped together with the Soviet Union countries and the Warsaw Pact, including the former Yugoslavia and Albania. Europe was divided in people's minds between East and West.

Or maybe I'm showing my age, as it was the world I grew up in (I'm 51). I get that for younger people, it's a world they never knew.

I’m so very sorry this has been your experience, OP.

I’m so sorry if you’ve not been made welcome by English people- that makes me so ashamed.

I’ve only met Eastern European’s through my NCT group, but they were lovely. We’re all still in touch, and met for coffees etc while DC were tiny.

I hope you’re able to make some good friends soon.

Two very good friends of mine are Polish. It took a while to adjust to the bluntness. But they'd walk over hot coals for me, they both surprised me for my wedding by flying over and staying with my mum. IMO they're the salt of the earth, likewise their families who have welcomed me so warmly every time I visited, ditto my husband and my daughter (who I gave a Polish name to). IME they are some of the nicest people on earth. But of course only my experience.

It's actually intriguing how many people mention bluntness.
I don't actually consider us blunt. Just normal😂 You should meet my friend who is blunt even by my apparently blunt standards. What's the opposite of bluntness???

Op your viewing this entirely through the wrong glasses.

You could just as easily replace nationality with religion... Sex, martial status.. Declaring your autistic and so on. Whether people like you or not is absolutely nothing to do with your race at all.

@ImaSababa

Some are amazing, some are twats, some are fine. Like any group of people!

Exactly this.

I’ve worked in various professions with a mix of Eastern European’s. Some lovely, some arseholes.

@SchrodingersImmigrant

It's actually intriguing how many people mention bluntness. I don't actually consider us blunt. Just normal😂 You should meet my friend who is blunt even by my apparently blunt standards. What's the opposite of bluntness???

It's hard to explain. I'm Irish and would go to the ends of the earth to avoid sounding like I was criticising someone. My friends just came right out and said it, it didn't bother them. I think if I did that I'd be in for a load of sleepless nights!

@NullcovoidNovember

Op your viewing this entirely through the wrong glasses.

You could just as easily replace nationality with religion... Sex, martial status.. Declaring your autistic and so on. Whether people like you or not is absolutely nothing to do with your race at all.

Well... even as an advocate of "some people are dicks no matter what colour/sex/sexuality/ etc"... Sometimes it does. If it wouldn't I wouldn't be told to go back to Poland by some people. To Poland. Where I've never been!🤦😂

Some people prefer to spend their time with people who are like them, and are snobby or uneasy with people they perceive as different. They may well treat people from other countries differently.

@HollyCarrot it is hard to explain these things, isn't it.

is there a word for it? I tried to search and never found one which would feel right.
Bluntness vs

I’m London born and bred and have several lovely Eastern European friends.

When my son was in school, eastern Europeans were my only friends. The kindest friendliest least judgemental people. I'm English and found most of the other English people the same as you have found.

Im married to a Southern Eastern European and I obviously quite like him. I spend a lot of time with other EE mums from his country and I am usually the odd one out in the group.

There are so many things to love but omg the brutal comments that are passed off as conversation are hard to digest, even for me who married into it. I have to remember it is quite normal chat for them but for British ears you could be insulting people and not even know about it. Talk about parenting choices, appearance, weight, diet, fashion, personal preferences can be highly sensitive and what we consider honest vs. rude is very different in both cultures. Personal distance and space rules are slightly different too. And volume of speaking. So these are subtle cues that can be taken the wrong way, even though it is just different rather than wrong.
That said there is a lot to love. I find my EE friends are always ready to help you in a crisis, they are always giving each other hand me downs, and will share anything with you if you need it. Honesty is also a virtue in many cases so if you need the truth, you will get it. The communal cooking and drinking and the ability to find entertainment and fun in even the simplest of settings means no day is ever dull.

Depends on the person! But when I worked and lived in London I had several friends from Poland, Slovakia and Hungary. I have stayed in touch with a couple of them and are good friends.

I have had English friends comment that they have struggled with a "language barrier" but I didn't find that at all. I think it would be dishonest to say that some people don't want friends from other countries / cultures. But fortunately, that's not the case for most of us!

A woman on a course I was on actually turned away and looked at the ceiling when I said "hi, how are you", even though the previous day we'd had a perfectly pleasant chat. I couldn't think of what I could've said to offend, it was all general small talk like where we're from and what uni we went to etc. This has happened a few times with different people

I had this more than once as well when first moving to the UK. I found out later that I had walked past one of the person without acknowledging them. I honestly hadn't seen them and was really hurt and confused by them looking through me for ages after this incident. Another time, when someone's attitude changed overnight I asked what the problem was, rather than just leaving it, like the previous time, and of course they just said nothing and continued to be frosty, so that didn't work...
I don't know, I came to the conclusion that there are more people in the UK that take offence easily and hold grudges compared to the place I grew up in.

Generally I find that people from EE smile less

I've found that with Russians when in Russia, their culture has a very different views about smiling and I was very aware of it and had to try hard not to smile inappropriately.

Honesty! I'm just not used to it at all. I'm a terrible wuss altogether. My mates were not like that one bit