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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want another dog, after a bad experience

127 replies

thewaterfromhere · 15/11/2020 20:29

Preparing myself for a bit of a flaming here.

In the next couple of years, we’d love to be thinking about having a dog. However, we did have a bad experience with a rescue.

Reasonable to try again, with a puppy?

OP posts:
Paranoidmarvin · 15/11/2020 20:52

I had a springer from a puppy. It’s a long awful story. But he turned aggressive even after he’ll from a behavioural trainer and help from the vet. Nothing I did wrong. He was a nervous dog that turned nervous aggressive. When jumped off the sofa as my son was asking past, jumped up and went to bite his neck I knew I had to do something.

That was five years ago. If my job was different I would have another puppy right now. I actually really love the puppy phase.

I have been put off having another springer. But I would defiantly get another dog.

Twigletfairy · 15/11/2020 20:53

The rescue should really have known that the dog had a strong prey drive. Did they say the dog was cat friendly?

What breed dog was it?

Gwynfluff · 15/11/2020 20:53

I had rescues in the past. And insisted on a puppy we could properly train, when we got a dog 5 years ago. Did the kC bronze citizen from 5 months and followed it up with at home training over the next 2 years. We have a lovely dog who is now 5. He came home from breeder at 11 weeks. We’d had a rescue that was just very stressful to be with in the house or on walks - we tried a behaviourist and it was just always difficult. So I was very wary.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/11/2020 20:56

@Twigletfairy

The rescue should really have known that the dog had a strong prey drive. Did they say the dog was cat friendly?

What breed dog was it?

This. The rescue should have known.
vanillandhoney · 15/11/2020 20:56

@thewaterfromhere

With a puppy, we could choose the breed and size matters, where dogs are concerned. We didn’t want to be in a position where our cat was at risk.
But you can choose those things with a rescue too Confused

What will you do if the puppy has the same issues? Just get rid of it and get another one?

I also don't understand why a high prey drive is a danger to people? Prey drive means they want to chase small furry things.

Original poster
thewaterfromhere · 15/11/2020 20:57

yeah, we rehomed responsibly but we were not given an accurate picture of the dog who came home with us.

I can cope with wee, and with puppy mouthing which is very different to watching an adult dog rip another creature to shreds in front of you. Shoes and furniture can be replaced.

OP posts:
Original poster
thewaterfromhere · 15/11/2020 20:57

Why the faces vanilla?

OP posts:
Yeahnahmum · 15/11/2020 20:58

Re: your update
We choose a specific breed too many years ago.
A lab....
Known to be sweet and family dogs etc
Still wanted to eat our cat at every opportunity though...
Plus it tried biting me when it was a puppy all the time took a year or so to stop it from doing that. Ate all our outdoor furniture. Dug op the lawn. Was a meanie to other dogs.....etc etc etc..
Crazy bloody dog.. she ended up fine in the end. But it took for ever.
Just because you pick a breed and a puppy...still.doesn't mean you get the perfect dog

Original poster
thewaterfromhere · 15/11/2020 20:59

@Twigletfairy

The rescue should really have known that the dog had a strong prey drive. Did they say the dog was cat friendly?

What breed dog was it?

Yes, they did. We were obviously upfront about having a cat, and were led to believe both would be fine with obvious sensible precautions. I think I will exit the thread now, I knew some critical comments would come my way but not to this extent when we really did try hard to do right by the animals in our care.
OP posts:
Fouroclockonamarblemorning · 15/11/2020 21:00

@thewaterfromhere

Thanks for the replies. It really wasn’t as simple as ‘sent it back’, it was a really upsetting experience for everyone, I think.

It was the prey drive that was the problem. There were other issues around toileting and barking but could probably have worked those out, but we really were concerned for everyone’s safety with the poor dog.

Poor dog! Most rescue dogs have issues due to their backgrounds. They often come from neglect or abuse situations. I’m not sure why you think a puppy would be easier.
Yeahnahmum · 15/11/2020 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
thewaterfromhere · 15/11/2020 21:01

I can live without the perfect dog. But there is an enormous gulf between perfect dog and dog that is dangerous.

OP posts:
Original poster
thewaterfromhere · 15/11/2020 21:01

Bloody hell. I’m out.

OP posts:
Original poster
thewaterfromhere · 15/11/2020 21:02

Four do you seriously think I should have kept a dog that wanted to kill my cat in my house?

Would that be behaving responsibly?

OP posts:
Thesaltandthesea · 15/11/2020 21:02

We also sent a rescue back a few years ago. It was heartbreaking but we couldn't meet his needs and we are fairly sure he should never have been placed with us as he was very unpredictable and just couldn't be trusted around our young children. We got a puppy last year and whilst she has been bloody hard work she has grown up with our children and is the perfect fit for our family.

We will definitely be open minded to another rescue in the future but not before our children are teenagers/have left home.

Yeahnahmum · 15/11/2020 21:02

Plus....is your cat a vegan btw? Re: ripping another creature to pieces...
As cats are... you know.... known for killing birds......and mice.....

Qpobb · 15/11/2020 21:05

@thewaterfromhere Other posters have offered what I see as nothing but constructive feedback - no need to exit the thread. If you post in AIBU you are going to get multiple opinions (some conflicting!). No one is being overtly negative, and talking about rescue animals is always going to be a sensitive topic.

blowinahoolie · 15/11/2020 21:06

What nasty comments to the OP. Unnecessary. She has explained her reasoning. If you were not there you can't imagine how upsetting it was. Sorry OP, you sound as if you also had a bad rescue experience.

No one chooses to return a dog to the rescue centre unless it's for a valid reason. In our case, it was a safety issue with small kids at home. Dog was very stressed. Sometimes you are doing the dog a favour by letting them go to a more appropriate family. Rescue centres do not always get the homing process right, they are only human.

Abracadabra12345 · 15/11/2020 21:06

@thewaterfromhere

Bloody hell. I’m out.
I don’t blame you!
Beamur · 15/11/2020 21:07

I think you're getting a hard time OP.
My last 2 dogs have been rescues, both lovely in their own way but both enormously hard work. After this one goes I'm not planning on having a dog for a while. But if I do, next time it will be a puppy.

blowinahoolie · 15/11/2020 21:08

Thesaltandthesea your experience sounds similar to my own family experience there. It was unworkable and it was upsetting for all.

RedPandaFluff · 15/11/2020 21:08

I can't believe the flaming you're getting on here, @thewaterfromhere - I think several posters are being extremely unfair and massively judgemental.

Sometimes it seems like, if you want a dog, mumsnet expects you to get a rescue, give up work to care for it, never leave the dog alone, take it for five hour-long walks every day, don't have children or other animals, sacrifice every nice thing you have for the dog's entertainment and expect your house to be absolutely trashed. @Yeahnahmum also seems to think it's reasonable for your dog to kill other animals.

Ridiculous.

I sympathise, OP - you've had a terrible experience but you know you can give a good home to the right dog. You're just anxious about finding the right one and whether history will repeat itself.

OverTheRubicon · 15/11/2020 21:12

[quote Qpobb]@thewaterfromhere Other posters have offered what I see as nothing but constructive feedback - no need to exit the thread. If you post in AIBU you are going to get multiple opinions (some conflicting!). No one is being overtly negative, and talking about rescue animals is always going to be a sensitive topic.[/quote]
Did you miss the pp who said "Shoes and furniture can be replaced yes, But so can dogs. Especially with you track record."?

Op I think you've got an unfair flaming, probably because a lot of people assumed it might have been more regular reasons for a rescue not working out, which are often entirely the new owners' fault (like not having someone home to deal with early separation anxiety, or not wanting to deal with toileting issues). It must have been really scary and your phrasing on all this shows you still feel a lot of guilt

I think that you shouldn't be put off by your experience, so long as you do your own research as well on what breeds might suit you, find a responsible breeder (one sign of this right now would be a long waiting list and likely high price, unfortunately) and are very clear with them on your circumstances.

Twigletfairy · 15/11/2020 21:14

The rescue shouldn't have removed a dog with a strong prey drive in a home with a cat.

Thats not a criticism aimed at you, its the rescue that shouldn't have allowed that to happen.

In my eyes, it is better for a dog to be returned to a rescue when it is in an unsuitable home, rather than something horrible happening. At least that way the dog has a chance of finding a home that is a better match

As I said, some rescues are more thorough than others. I would personally try another rescue. But if you wasn't willing to, look into different breeds and see which personality traits would be a good fit for your family. With puppies there are never any guarantees, so always buy from a reputable breeder

blowinahoolie · 15/11/2020 21:16

Always explain your previous dog experience to a breeder as it will often help them realise why you are seeking out a puppy to join the family.

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