Name changed in case MIL knows my username on here!
I'm currently on maternity leave but will be going back to work within the next few weeks. DD is booked into nursery full-time (Monday-Friday). MIL has offered to look after DD one day a week, which is a really kind offer except for the following reasons:
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MIL can't commit to a certain day or even definitely weekly, so we'd still have to pay for full-time nursery (which is fine, I don't mind this, there might just be minor inconvenience due to chopping and changing etc.)
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MIL lives an hour away and is rarely on time - usually at least half an hour late. I have a train to catch (well, once we're using offices again) so if she's late it's going to be really difficult for work
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(and this is the main problem . . . ) I think MIL has mental health issues and I have major concerns that these could impact on her ability to look after a baby.
MIL is in her early sixties and suffers from anxiety. She's also a very obsessive person. At the moment, she's fixated on coronavirus, that it's all a load of nonsense, and she relentlessly researches and tells us about articles that back up her opinion (but not the converse). She had an anxiety attack in the supermarket the other day because she got herself so worked up about people wearing masks. It makes me worry about what would happen if she had one of these episodes when she had DD with her.
Another concern I have is that MIL's conversation is all over the place and it's very hard to talk to her. It's very like speaking to an elderly person with dementia - random, talking about strangers as if I should know them, suddenly very opinionated to the point of anger, disjointed and, quite often, mystifying.
I don't trust her. Which feels awful to say, but I don't. She's done so many little things that make me question her judgement - handing DD a scalding hot chip, kissing DD's face and hands when she was a newborn even though MIL gets cold sores and I'd asked her not to kiss DD, giving DD double the amount of milk I'd advised her to, resulting in DD vomiting all over me etc. Little things, I know. But so many of them.
Am I being unreasonable to worry about this? I don't think I'm more anxious than any other mum - I'll happily hand DD over to nursery, to my family, to close friends - but every instinct tells me that MIL isn't well enough to cope with a baby/toddler.
On the other hand, I don't want to hurt MIL, and I worry about the impact refusing her offer would have on her already-fragile mental health. DH agrees that there are definite concerns and he doesn't know what to do either.
What do you all think?