To want my friend to lose in court.

[Newnamenewopenme]

My friend split with her husband about 9 years ago, we will call her Lisa and him Tom. They have never divorced. Lisa initiated the split as she was seeing someone else - Tom isn’t aware of this. I get the impression Tom was surprised by the split, I saw him a couple of weeks after and he mentioned thinking it was PND so was hoping things would resolve with some space and time to think, Lisa had moved George in by this point. They didn’t own the house and Tom continued to pay the rent and was sending her money (she was bragging at the time). They were both in work full time and Tom had the kids on weekends and all of his annual leave.

Eventually Tom rented a house of his own but it was small and not great for the kids (he worked with my dp at the time so spoke with him frequently). Not long after the split my friend moved into a new rented house and bought a new car, she told Tom it was a company car. Her and George split up around now and Tom’s Mum died, leaving him inheritance.

Around two years after the split Tom bought a house for himself, from what Lisa has said to me he used all of his inheritance. Tom has since met someone and she has moved in and he seems really happy.

Lisa has also met someone and wants to marry him, she has initiated a divorce, blaming Tom for the breakdown of the marriage. Finances are also being sorted and she has claimed he got her in debt - her debt was buying the car. When I spoke to her this morning she was laughing that they had a court date arranged to sort out finances and she was going for his pension, and a payout to settle the “family debts”.

My dp spoke to him recently and Tom is terrified he will have to sell his house and won’t be able to afford anywhere else big enough for his now teenagers. His girlfriend has lost her business due to covid and he can’t afford a solicitor.

Aibu to end the friendship with Lisa, I don’t want to get involved with the divorce but I am so mad at her. We have been friends since nursery and in every other aspect she is lovely.

Well done if you’ve read this far!

@AnneLovesGilbert

Tom could have started divorce proceedings at any point and was incredibly stupid to buy a house before doing so.

Lisa sounds like a complete nightmare and she’s no friend of yours what with you airing her dirty laundry all over the internet so just cut her off. If Tom is also supposed to be a friend then why didn’t you tell him she was cheating on him?

It all sounds very dramatic. If you’re enjoying it then hang around. If not then walk away.

I doubt it’ll be long before you decide this is too identifying but I could be wrong...

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Wait a minute - if they have been split up for 9 years, isn’t it no fault? No one has to say that anyone caused the divorce. Additionally, even if they did, fault in a divorce does not sway on splitting assets nor debt.

You also were not party to things in their marriage so you don’t really know how her husband treated her, if he had affairs before etc. You really don’t know. So in respect of passing judgement there YABU

Your question was AIBU to end your friendship with Lisa. YANBU as clearly you don’t approve of her and that is your right. If she were a cheat - both cheating on her husband just to cheat. Cheating him out of his inheritance, which I think is morally wrong myself, then you need to end it

However, her husband could have started the divorce proceedings any time after the initial 2 years apart without having to use adultery as grounds. But He didn’t do that

He most certainly should have divorced her before buying the house as now he has this asset. It’s very likely this was brought up by his solicitor when he was buying!

Lisa may well be entitled to a portion of his pension as you don’t know what arrangement they made about this when they were married or if her career and salary (so ultimately her pension) was impacted by having their children.

She won't be able to claim his inheritence! They split years ago. I had an inheritence whilst married and used it for a deposit. When I was getting divorced my solicitor said if I could prove where the money came from then there was a good chance I'd keep most of it, and that was used to buy a family home. She's got no chance, money grabbing tosser. I hate women like this and I'd cut her off for the complete lack of respect I'd now have.

She will however, be entitled to some of his pension. Hopefully he can prove the debt was made after the split as well.