To not be sure how we never have any bloody money?!

[ThePinkGuitar]

I know lots of friends that earn the same or bit less that get to have holidays aboard, lots of days out beautiful home.
We are nearly at the end of renovating our house but no money to finish it off. Dh earns 40k plus does lots of side jobs so probably on average another £150 pm. I earn 28k (22.5 hours pro rota).
We have 2 children never have been able to take them on fancy trips. We don’t wear expensive clothes, no cosmetic costs (dye my own hair and use Rimmel make up lol).
We have an average car, pay 1k a month mortgage. We spend a lot of groceries.
But seriously where is all the money going I genuinely do not understand?!

£1k/month on a mortgage I’m assuming you either live in an expensive area or your in an expensive house. Add bills & groceries plus £18k worth of debt & interest payments and thats your answer.

You need to sit down and write every penny you spend down. We did this and realised we were blowing a lot in groceries & kids activities, over £350 a month on activities alone, not including uniforms and extra events.

[quote peepercountry]@VulvaPerson where do you shop? there is no one £60 a wk would be sufficient for me (2 adults, 2 under 7s). [/quote]
Usually morrisons, sometimes ASDA.

Mind, we get topups of milk and such through the week, maybe with the topups it might all come to about 80-90..never really kept track of that.

2 adults and 3 kids here. And an extra 2 kids on a weekend also!

Just short of 60k by the time you’ve paid tax, ni, into a pension, potentially student loans, childcare and everything else at full whack as you get 0 subsidised isn’t actually all that much in your account at the end of the month anyway. Take off a 1k mortgage and repayments for debt I can actually see why you don’t have that much left. We earn more and have no debt (bar student loans), our mortgage is half yours and we in no way feel like we are well off, we live in the north too where it’s meant to be “cheap”.

I don’t think people realise how much you actually get net pay even on a decent wage when you are paying out for everything. You need to earn a lot to still have a high disposable income after everything is deducted, council tax etc is paid, childcare fees are taken care of etc etc.

Try YNAB. You normally get 2 months free. It will help you shift from reactive spending to intentional spending.

How does everyone on Mumsnet know what all their friends earn? I don't have a clue! It wouldn't cross my mind to ask. And my salary has essentially doubled over the past few years and I haven't mentioned it to anyone, still drive the same (tiny) car etc

Ultimately it usually comes down to

• prioritising different things (so the ones having lovely holidays may scrimp on other things)
• a salary quite different from what you have assumed (eg I work full time but do almost all the school runs so people probably assume I work part time)
• parental help (I know people who have had their house bought for them, or a car or all their holidays are paid for)
• being really disciplined with money (Dh tracks all our costs in a huge spreadsheet)
• not spending on things others might deem "essential" (eg we live in a big house and all our neighbors have huge very new cars but we are quite happy with tiny efficient ones)
• bargain hunting skills

Etc etc

In other words you can't worry about other people you just have to focus on your own expenditure and priorities. If they are out of kilter then it is time to revisit them.

I like spending on the children's (expensive) hobbies and education and on books and meals out and trips away. My clothes are normally bought in the sale and only as needed, same for the children. Our furniture was mainly second hand and cheap or free! That suits my family's priorities but something quite different would work for someone else with the same disposable income.

@VulvaPerson well £80-90 is different to £60 😁. We spend £100 some weeks, £150 others.

@NeverTwerkNaked well if someone doesn't get child benefit or the 30 free hours you can get an indication.

I'm surprised at all the people saying £1k is a lot on a mortgage payment. That is about normal - I assume the people saying this brought their houses a while ago when house prices were much cheaper.

@peepercountry do people discuss that with their friends though? It never crossed my mind to!

I don’t think people realise how much you actually get net pay even on a decent wage

I do think there is an element of this.
110k is £5870 a month before pension so over 3k going on tax. No child benefit, no 30 hours, no tax free childcare. It's obvs a lot of money but not as much as I thought.

I don't have a clue what anyone else earns apart from me, DP and people at work because we're all on pay scales that are just about set in stone.

@NeverTwerkNaked well I remember looking at nurseries & having lots of discussions about them with friends. One would say X place doesn't offer 30 hours, another might say how many extra hours are you going to pay for etc, so it's kind of indirect. Recently a friend said they had to pay back CB as a benefit took them over.

@Sabrina124

I'm surprised at all the people saying £1k is a lot on a mortgage payment. That is about normal - I assume the people saying this brought their houses a while ago when house prices were much cheaper.

It's all a matter of perspective, I think. And it definitely depends on whereabouts you live.

We bought five years ago and our mortgage is just under £300 a month. We have a decent sized two-bedroom house with a garden and garage, plus driveway for that. But we don't live anywhere near London or the South East

Thank you its been a virtual head wobble which I needed. I apologise if I’ve upset anyone in the current climate I probably shouldn’t have posted it. I will ask for it to be pulled.
For clarification when we moved house the 50k for renovations came out of the equity of the last house rest went on some of the debts (they were closer to 30k) and obviously a chunk for deposit on this house.
Move was necessary at the time.
Looking through bank statements online with husband pretty obvious where mine goes, I expected him to have lots more left over but actually not it’s going on the bills.
Anyway head firmly wobbled thank you now time to move forward and sort it out.

My close friends and I sometimes discuss the size of our mortgages, bonuses etc so that gives you some idea of earnings even if it's not I earn X. I discussed AVCs for my pension with a friend recently. But I don't get the angst about money discussions.

@ThePinkGuitar if not already I would try to consolidate the debts.

Childcare? That's where all my money goes. 😟

My total household income is £24k (single parent with one child, this includes child maintenance) and we are comfortable, we have 2 or 3 holidays abroad a year plus plenty of days out.

My mortgage is less than a third of yours though, I don't own a car and the only childcare costs I have is for breakfast club for DS. I'd say all my bills including food come to about £800pm, leaving £1.2k for savings and fun money.

@peepercountry it's not angst (in my case at least) just we are always chatting about other stuff, and it would just never cross my mind to discuss it I guess!

@Waxonwaxoff0

I'd say all my bills including food come to about £800pm, leaving £1.2k for savings and fun money.

2k, How?

24k a yr is £1.6k a month before pension

@StephenBelafonte you are talking crap by the way, I am on just over minimum wage and do not receive £1500 of "free stuff", I get working tax credit but nowhere near that amount and I certainly do not get housing benefit, council tax reduction or free school meals. Those are for unemployed people or those who work very very part time.

Your debt and your mortgage, both of which are quite high

Good luck OP

@NeverTwerkNaked I guess we just talk about anything & everything.

@peepercountry that is after pension. I pay hardly any tax as I don't earn much. £6k of that is child maintenance. My own income without the maintenance is around £18k including working tax credits.