Friend thinks it's weird I buy my mum a birthday card even tho she passed away years ago...aibu ?

[abbamia]

My mum passed away 15 years ago now.
It was her birthday last week.
I have her photo in my living room next to some fairy lights and a candle.
Every year I buy her a birthday card and write it out and put it next to her photo along with a birthday balloon.
Is this weird ?
My friend said she's never known anyone to do that.
Should I stop?
I didn't think it was odd.

I buy my mum flowers every week. I buy her gifts still (they just so happen, weirdly , to be things I have a liking for and a use for myself ) and I sometimes send her a WhatsApp message

She's been gone for 18 months now and I say that if something helps you or brings you comfort then it's nobody else's business but your own.

I'm not a fan of going to the cemetery.
I haven't been in years.
I get upset to think of her there.
It's not like a shrine or anything,it's just a little reminder of her I guess in my living room.

I think its weirder of your friend to think it is appropriate to comment negatively on how you choose to remember your mum and mark special occasions.

She needs a lesson in etiquette. You carry on OP. It's lovely

It doesn't sound crazy at all. It sounds like a lovely way of remembering and continuing to love your Mum on her birthday.
Do what makes you feel good. Take no notice of your friend.

Your friend sounds like a miserable bellend who should keep her opinions to herself. If I was your friend even if I thought it was the weirdest thing in the world I’d buy a birthday cake for your mum and come round on her birthday and celebrate it with you.

Dad still buys Mum a bunch of flowers for their anniversary every year.

Every now and then I light her candle and we have a cup of tea together.

I think it sounds a lovely way to remember your mum. I don't think your friend meant anything by her comment, maybe just remarking she hadn't seen that before - her gob might have run away with her a little and come across as insensitive. Whatever makes you feel closer to your mum and like she's still with you, whatever helps, it's not hurting anyone and is celebrating her birthday still

Who cares what other people think? You're doing something that makes you happy.

You have a ritual to honour your mum, continue it for as long as it gives you comfort. It hurts no one and helps you, your friend is being very insensitive.

I think it's a lovely thing to do.

Everyone's diff. I've not lost anyone close enough to feel the need to do that but when the time comes if thats that helps me then that's what I'll do.
My closest friend lost her dsis. And she buys birthday and Xmas cards for her and a new candle each time to light.
She also buys a special tree Dec to add each Yr.

Aw that's lovely OP! I get a balloon every year on Father's Day for my dad who passed away 8 years ago.

Very rude of your friend to say it's weird. Could she really not have kept that opinion to herself?

Dont stop if it comforts you. It's not strange at all OP. I write my mum a mother's day card every year and they are next to her ashes. I was a teen when she died and found it really upsetting seeing the cards out in supermarkets etc people on social media writing statuses etc. It was a way to control my sadness and it helps me. So I understand.

My mum died almost 8 weeks ago, very suddenly. We had her birthday earlier this month and I spent the day absolutely bereft.

My mum loved a card and do you know what @abbamia you've just helped me decide how I'm going to honour my mum's birthday going forwards. I'm going to buy her the most beautiful card I can find and write her a message.

This is actually a really good and healthy strategy for dealing with trauma related to grief, so YANBU.

Your friend obviously lacks social skills.
Its outrageous that she would criticise your grief.
You have to pay your respects to your DM in a way that is meaningful to you. You clearly love her a lot.
I mark my father's birthday by donating to a charity on his behalf, I donate what I would have spent on his present.

I think it's lovely and your friend is rude. Grief is very personal. Ignore anyone that says it's odd.

That’s really nice and if you get comfort from it then you continue.

It's unusual but it matters not if it's meaningful to you. My mum always buys flowers to remember her mum

Your friend is rude to say that to you.
On my mums anniversary, birthday, Mothers day I always take flowers and a balloon to the cemetery.

It isn’t odd or weird or strange. It’s just a ritual you’ve developed - similar to lighting a candle, visiting a grave, or any number of things different people in different cultures do to remember and honour the dead. You’ve established your own way of managing your grief and feeling closer to your mum. Don’t worry about it, and definitely don’t feel you have to stop.

I think it's beautiful and lovely that you've inspired crunchy (I'm so sorry for your loss @Crunchymum)

I used to take a card to the grave of a loved one. It's no weirder than flowers on grave which loads of people do. Ignore your friend.

you carry on if it helps you-your friend is the odd one for saying it in the firs tplace

Dad died 11 years ago and I've bought him a card and flowers for every birthday since. Take no notice of your friend, there is no correct way to grieve or remember the dead.

sorry to crunchy aswell