To be nearly in tears at thought of dentist.

[PurpleThistles84]

I’ve been in severe pain for nearly two weeks now, can’t eat much, not sleeping great and knocking back painkillers like they are sweets. I have a hole in two of my three wisdom teeth, a broken tooth that I pulled some of it out and the gum has almost grown over what’s left and another hole in one of my molars when a piece of tooth just fell out one day when pregnant with my fifth baby.

Even being in this much pain and knowing that I HAVE to go to the dentist isn’t making me pick up the phone. Everything about the dentist frightens me, from being unable to talk, to pain, to judgement on my shitty teeth. To make matters even worse, I also can’t cope with the thought of any sort of sedation after trauma when I was very young with a general anaesthetic.

I can’t go until Tuesday anyways because I am working but the closer it gets, the more distressed I am becoming. I am not registered with a dentist so I will have to call the nhs line. I think I will need at least 3 teeth pulled. I used to have perfect teeth then had two severe depressive episodes where I could barely function and stopped looking after myself. I do now I’m better but it’s too little too late.

There must be people like me on here, please tell me your positive stories, I need all the encouragement I can get.

OP it sounds like you have a proper phobia of the dentist. Is there anyone who can go along with you when you go? Or do any of your friends have recommendations for a sympathetic dentist? You are definitely not the only one

I hate to tell you this but depending upon where you live you may not be able to get any treatment at all apart from extractions.
Toothache is the worst pain as we all know.

I totally sympathise, and if I had an answer, if be taking my own advise.

I've had a bloody big needle put into my back to take a biopsy of my lung. I've had cancer three times. Each time I've been relatively calm.

Ask me to sit in the waiting room in a dentist? No chance. I'm sweating at the thought.

You've got a phobia, and you need to talk to a dentist who understands that.

I do wish I could take that advice.

Good luck

I wouldn’t put it off any longer OP because I know people are really struggling to get appointments. I have a private dentist and it took me 6 weeks for my first appointment and then another 7 weeks for a follow up.

Aside from that it does sound like you have a serious phobia and perhaps need to look into some professional help with that? But in the meantime can you try some kind of breathing exercises? Visualisations? As daft as it sounds, I use my hypnobirthing techniques when I go to the dentist.

I used to be very scared but after the initial period of forcing myself there I am not too bad now. You CAN get over the fear but it does require action

Are you near a uni? If they do dentistry you may be able to get seen first free there in the dental hospital.

Please just pick the phone up it’s likely going to take a bit of time to arrange your care however you have it so best get in the system and started. Inhalation sedation might be an option, the same stuff as gas and air you get in labour but delivered in a different way so you are more relaxed but still in control. Full disclosure I’m a dentist who only really treats patients under sedation or GA for whatever reason, further disclosure I’m extremely anxious about dental treatment, I don’t need sedation but I do have to have longer appointments because of the fainting...... don’t be embarrassed

Trauma after anaesthetic - I suffered that too OP, over 50 years ago and it’s left me with a life long fear of dentists. I didn’t bother going at all for a while. When I had kids I knew I had to take them because I was determined not to pass my fear on, and let them down like my bloody mother had done with me. Their dentist was really kind to them, so I finally asked if I could have a word in private. I asked him if he would give me a check up, but that I had a real phobia. He told me he knew I was going to say that, and was happy to see me.

He was really slow and gentle as I couldn’t even cope with metal probe and mirror in my mouth at first, so he used plastic ones. Gradually things have got a little easier. My absolute fear still kicks in when he needs to check that area of my mouth that I associate with the trauma. When driving to each six month appointment I still have the urge to turn the car round and not bother going. He does say I’m a lot better now and not like at first when “you were hanging onto the doorframe by your fingernails”!

The point is OP that the only thing worse than going is not going. Dentists are not all like the sadistic bastards we have encountered. Most of them now know many people are beyond nervous, and when you do go the state of your teeth will tell the tale of your fear.

Ask around, get a good recommendation. Make an appointment and tell them at that point that you are really scared due to previous trauma. It won’t be a walk in the park, but I bet you’ll be a bit surprised and just a little proud of yourself.

Tell your dentist! You won't be the only one and they'll be perfectly used to it. I avoided the dentist for 20 years and only admitted defeat once a tooth split in half. My dentist could not have been nicer, to the extent that I now behave like a proper grown up and go every six months (and because I do, they rarely find any problems). I still hate it, but it's hate rather than sheer terror if that makes sense.

If you can afford it find a private dentist, I had an awful experience at nhs and I was terrified afterwards. Private dentist have so much more time to talk you through everything.

This is so common. I’ve been where you are not having been for years then being forced to after breaking a tooth. I was almost having panic attacks in the waiting room but the dentist was just lovely and it was all ok.

Really good luck. The feeling of relief when it’s all sorted will be absolutely amazing.

Look OP, your in pain. You need the teeth out, the best way to get you out of pain is to see a dentist. The dentist can ne uncomfortable, it shouldnt be painful. What you are experiencing now is.

In all honesty on an emergency list every single patient will have many teeth that are heavily decayed, every single patient will have not been to the dentist for years, every single patient will be scared. It is incredibly common, and the dentist really wont care. That is what emergency access sessions are for, getting people who dont have access to dental treatment out of pain. There really isnt the time of day or head space to judge someone for their teeth, it is pointless and helps no one.

You dont need sedation, you wont get sedation for emergency treatment regardless. Sedation is very much a last resort. You cant talk while dental work is done for obvious reasons, but most dentists should have a system for allowing patients to communicate, normally raising their hand. You are in control, no dentist can do anything to you you dont want, and no dentist can proceed with treatment you want to stop.

Most dentists (these days) are quite good at reading body language of their patients as well, even if someone isnt telling me they need a break I can normally tell.

You have had 5 children! You can have a couple of teeth out. You need to trust the dentist knows what they are doing, they are there purely to help you. Please dont leave it any longer, at least see someone so you have a better idea of whats going on and what might need doing

@PurpleDaisies

This is so common. I’ve been where you are not having been for years then being forced to after breaking a tooth. I was almost having panic attacks in the waiting room but the dentist was just lovely and it was all ok.

Really good luck. The feeling of relief when it’s all sorted will be absolutely amazing.

I second this

I don’t know how to tag pp but one of my interests is in the trauma caused to patients when they have a traumatic GA experience. The difficulties I see with adults and children who are traumatised due to a previous GA experience is horrendous. The fact the most common reason for children to have a GA is for dental extractions combined with GA trauma associated with the face means it’s so common, just explain to your dentist if they don’t understand go to a different one. Good luck

I had a severe phobia and didn't go for about 20 years, even walked the long way to the shops so I wouldn't have to pass it. Eventually front two teeth broke so I had to go - cried making the appointment, vomited on the morning of the appointment, cried in the waiting room, cried during the appointment. I was referred to the hospital and had to wait over a year. Cried at the hospital and could barely talk to the dentist because I was so scared. I had to have an X-Ray done and then wait two months for my actual first appointment. Cried at the beginning of that.

It was decided that I would have gas and air, it was amazing. I felt relaxed but was still awake and could follow instructions and understand what the dentist was saying. I ended up with 6 appointments - a cleaning, two fillings and loads of extractions. I not have a plate on the top half (although I was due a new one in April but can't get an appointment because of Covid so have to Fixodent it into my mouth.)

The dentists were all lovely and didn't make me feel bad about the state of my teeth. They were happy to stop if I needed them to (only happened once at each of the first two appointments).

I'm NEVER going to love the dentists and TBH I would be happy if I never have to go again but being forced into it was for the best. Although I still have to see how my first appointment without the gas at my local surgery is going to go.

Try and ring a big local practice rather than using the NHS dental line. Most big practices are taking on patients and if they are not will suggest somewhere you can try. You can also look on the NHS website as they tell you who is taking on - though not always up to date!

The reason I say this is that if you explain to the receptionist that you are scared and struggling they will asign you to a dentist that will be able to handle you. They know their dentists. If you go through the NHS emergency route you get thebdentist on shift that day. The only thing they can do is extract. Otherwise they will refer you on to a normal dentist and you will have to start again.

Good luck. I've been there too.

Ok- positive story. I have an infection at the moment in a tooth from a broken filling. Currently on two courses of antibiotics. My whole face had swollen up so I had to go last week and it honestly was absolutely fine. I had a young dentist and he tried with a filling- did a lovely job but it hasn’t worked and I have to go back for a root canal treatment when I finish these anti biotics.
I was there for an hour and half earlier in the week but didn’t really feel anything with the anaesthetic.
Just make an appointment- promise it won’t be as bad as you think!

They also said that I could listen to music on earphones if that would help so maybe ask if that would be an option too?

I have a milder dental phobia and I'm better with it since finding a dentist who is kind and slow and explains what she is going to do. I still haven't been in two years but at least it's something.

Would anybody you trust be able to phone around local dentists and ask ehrther they have spaces and whether they deal with patients with dental phobia?

What actually made the most difference was making friends with someone I later found out was a dentist. I think she made it a bit more human for me rather than thinking they were all some scary maniac teeth pulling sadists!

Some people can't deal with smear tests. I would have 100 smear tests not to have to go to the dentists or have injections.

Oh yes and earphones tip is good. I take some comedy podcasts and listen to those. They don't completely take everything away but it's a distraction from the overwhelming sounds and how scared I feel.

Hi OP, there are lots of things to deal with here, so better to go through it bit by bit.

Are you willing to say what the trauma was that you suffered, as mentioned in your post? Don't worry if not, I was just trying to get a better understanding of what has led you to this point.

I certainly wouldn't downsize the phobia you have and say it's a bit of fear and it will go away, that certainly hasn't been the case.
I would of usually agreed with what has already been said, about getting in quickly for an appointment. But your circumstances are unique. Have you spoken to your GP about this? If not I think it will be a good starting point. Again as most are doing phone consultations at least it will be easier to explain and not have to go in to the surgery, in the off chance the GP can't do anything.

I would ring the line mentioned, and explain your situation, so they know in advance and don't just send you anywhere.

I think with such a phobia they would sometimes suggest general anaesthetic but then I'm not sure how you would fare, if as you say you suffered in the past.
Sedation is another option, though I know, and sorry I forgot exactly how you typed what you did, about that. Some take medication prescribed by GP to help relax them before hand, but I am going back a long while, so things might have changed.

It is good that you got through the depression you went through, and though I know what you mean about too little too late, at least you have been trying to maintain what you have. Once these problems with your teeth are sorted out you will feel much better.

If it is any consolation, despite having experience in the dental field, I still don't like sitting in the chair!

Oh op, I feel for you, I would be the same. I haven't been for 30 years. Be brave, you will feel so much better afterwards

No phobia, I just have a severe gag reflex that makes me dread anything more than a check up.
A filling fell out three weeks ago - incredibly painful if food got stuck in the cavity, less so otherwise. Two weeks of being "too busy" to phone for an appointment.
When I finally went, I thought the dentist was still cleaning the area before putting the filling when he suddenly said "that's it, all done" - and it was a tooth right at the back.
The blissful lack of pain this past week, and not being constantly on edge whenever I ate or drank anything that might set it off has been amazing.
In the current climate, do be prepared that you may not get an appointment straight away, many dentists are offering a reduced service.
The relief once it's done is more than worth it, however scared you are.

The trauma, when I was four, a small piece of a toy had gone missing and for some reason my step mother decided I must have put it in my vagina because I was ‘a bit red down there’. I was taken to the hospital and forcibly held down and examined before it was decided to also forcibly put me to sleep. I was completely terrified and of course, there was no little toy found. I’ve never forgotten the fear and I can’t stand the thought of being at anyone’s mercy.

I was okay with the dentist until I had my first tooth extraction, a wisdom tooth that was done at the hospital. I had no idea what to expect, needed multiple injections and then they decided I had a bit of an infection but pulled the tooth anyways. I didn’t know they were going to break it into pieces to extract it and couldn’t talk. They were clearly irritated by my distress and after the half hour it took to extract it, wrote on my notes that I MUST be sedated in future. It was a horrible experience and after that, I wouldn’t go to the dentist again. I would happily have another baby without any pain relief (my last baby was born with no pain relief, back to back labour, ventouse and shoulders stuck with double cord around neck) than have another tooth out. Ridiculous I know but that’s the truth of it.

OP, I too have ruined my once good teeth due to bad mental health issues in the past & neglect. I look after them now but as you said, the damage is now done.

I was in agony recently with a cracked tooth. It played up every so often but fear of being judged about my teeth really put me off going. I also don't have my own dentist. Eventually, I was in so much pain, I sucked it up & phoned 111 to get an appointment.

I cannot tell you the relief I felt once the tooth was removed. I was in & out within 15 mins max, the dentist & assistant were just so lovely. No judgement. Just got straight to the job in hand. Aftercare & advice were given. Cannot fault the emergency dentist at all.

It's first come, first serve so phone as soon as you possibly can in the morning of the day you plan to go. They are still carrying out emergency appointments during lockdown, however, I think they will only do one procedure at a time.

Please get it seen to. I promise you, you'll walk out feeling so much better & relived you've done it.

Op I could have written this myself.
Over the years I have had every tooth filled and around 7 out. Major trauma from multiple tooth extractions operation as an 11 year old under general.
I coped by stumping up the money for a private dentist in the end. It cost a lot but I spread out the payments and just had to find the money. I made them aware I was an extremely nervous patient. Like shaking uncontrollably, crying like a baby, nervous.
I went to one that specialised in nervous patients.
It was marvellous and worth every penny. They were so calm, understanding, used lots of numbing cream for the injection. Took their time abs explained everything, made my feelings valid and believed me and listened to me.
After that I took out private insurance.
If you can in any way afford it I would really reccommend one that specialises in nervous patients