To be concerned over what my daughter says about a child at school.

[Jgb12]

I have two children. Both with additional needs and they both have support at school. DS has 1:1. Dd has some degree of extra help but not 1:1.
I’m saying this because I know children with additional needs can struggle in school settings etc and struggle with their behaviour.

Dd comes home and tells me that a little lad in her class is horrible to her. He chucked a toy at her the other day, she said he kicked her today. She has come home with little marks on her legs that are from pencils being shoved into her skin. I think the little boy in question has additional needs himself so I do have sympathy and I don’t want to bring it up with the school unless I have to but Dd is really upset and says that he is quite a handful. I know his mum and I would never approach her because being a parent of children with additional needs I know how hard it is and it’s not her fault at all.

But I can’t help feel he should be better supervised.

There’s a few of them in the class needing extra support in a group of 25, probably about 5 inc Dd requiring support. I think out of the whole school it’s the only year group with a larger number of children needing extra help but there’s only 2 TA’s, in fact one goes home in the afternoons so 1 in the afternoon. They are only 5 and 6 so I don’t feel this is enough.

Aibu to be really annoyed. She’s in tears saying he hurt and I feel it’s a reflection of the lack of support in the class... I know money is tight in schools but both Dd and another child have their support outlined in an EHCP so the school really need to sort this.

I think I’m annoyed at the school more than anything !

I’d contact the teacher. If she’s being hurt repeatedly, then I’d hope they could do something about it quickly. May be as simple as changing the seating plan.

I think a lot of it is happening at play time. Dd does tell me she tells the teacher so I think she is aware of it just it seems to carry on!

I’ll have a word Monday! I just feel awful comparing about a child with sen when my own children have their struggles to but thankfully never shown much aggressive behaviour (Dd never has).. DS did bite another child once (tbf it didn’t even leave a mark apparently) but he didn’t do it again after getting a telling off from his very strict ta at the time 🤷‍♀️

It is OK, don't focus on what they are going to do about him, but on how they are going to protect your daughter. Make sure she says ow loudly or tells the teacher and call them calmly every time. It's important to teach your daughter that it's not OK for her to be hurt (so that she has good boundaries and doesn't put up with future mistreatment in relationships 'to be kind'.

You feel awful? He is hurting your small child. It may not be his fault but it has to stop.

I would definitely be speaking to the teacher straight away. Apart from anything else, you’re not doing the little boy any favours if the behaviour isn’t getting dealt with.

Fellow SEN parent here. Of course YANBU to be annoyed - the school are failing in their duty to keep your DD safe (the fact this isn’t a one-off indicates the other child is simply not getting the supervision he needs for his own safety and that of others). You should absolutely speak to the school as a matter of urgency and not feel at all guilty about doing so. Tell them your DD is being physically harmed and you want this dealt with immediately, then ask exactly how they plan to address it and keep following it up until the problem is resolved. You need to be firm and persistent with this sort of thing speaking from bitter experience. The boy in question needs proper supervision for his own good too - you’d be doing him a favour by raising this IMO. Hope your DD is OK

Also, a thousand times this:

It's important to teach your daughter that it's not OK for her to be hurt (so that she has good boundaries and doesn't put up with future mistreatment in relationships 'to be kind'

The school may not be unwilling to have additional support in place but unable to afford it. With all 1:1 support the first £6,000 of that TA has to be paid by the school with the rest of it covered by funding.

Don’t be angry at the school, be angry at the situation, which you do seem to understand. You know they can’t magic up the money for more staff just because they need it. It’s worth talking to the teacher to express concern for your dd, but remember that even if they are giving tellings off and sanctions, it doesn’t always stop issues straight away so don’t assume that they aren’t doing everything they physically can to deal with it.

Additionally, if the TA is part time its unlikely any of their salary is covered by funding but the school itself

Definitely tell the teacher. Hopefully they can watch and identify when it's happening and give your daughter support at those times. You're her advocate, right thing to talk to school. And you're helping the little boy too.

They thought you were tested because you were symptomatic (and then continued to visit everywhere).
You just need to tell them you were tested as part of the Covid research study and you were asymptomatic.
To be honest, if you left out that information, I would be cross with you as I would assume you were as stupid as the person who was symptomatic and turned up to work in my pregnant friend's workplace this week (and then tested positive the next day).

My son has sen and to be honest is probably the equivalent to the boy in your scenario. If it were my son doing this, I would want you to tell the teacher and for the teacher to the me so that I could also implement any necessary measures at home so that it didn't happen again.

Yanbu speak to the school about it this isn't fair tell them to keep him away, he's made her his target.
My DS has a FT 1-1 to supervise him he is smart he shares a table with 3 others all SEN a wee girl smacked him repeatedly last week.
I didn't say it to teacher as I'm potentially the DM of a DC who'll irritate an innocent DC.
I'd be livid if he was hurting another DC like you I've a DD she is gentle with resource hours.
Your poor DD she shouldn't have to be terrified in school definitely speak to the school and don't worry about the DM if shes normal she'll expect this and help solve it.

I don't know why you wouldn't have spoken to the teacher sooner?

You don't need to address this with his Mum but you really do need to address this with the school EVER SINGLE TIME SOMETHING HAPPENS.

Keep a list of incidents and keep on them. They will want to reassure and deflect but if they get the impression you aren't going to drop it they'll put measures in place to separate your DD from the boy.

This means he'll just start with another child, of course, but your priority has to be DD, obviously.

Perhaps take a discreet photo of the injuries....in case the issue becomes ongoing?

I agree with the other PPs. Definitely have a polite word with the teacher, I don’t think you need to speak to the other parent right now.

If it carries on happening then take a stronger stance by going to the head teacher and getting the other parent involved etc.

Chances are the break time staff don’t realise it’s happening and so the teacher doesn’t know.

Thing is, it doesn't matter whether he has additional needs or not. If you don't address this with the school now, the little lad in question might hurt another child. A child whose parents aren't as understanding as you are.

I have a DS with SEN and we had lots of similar issues throughout primary school. Sometimes he did inappropriate things (EHCP), sometimes it was other kids. As PPs have said, it's really hard for schools as they just don't get the funds to pay for the support required, and break times are the hardest as they are mainly unsupervised.

Do raise it though - again and again as necessary. My DS ended up have lunchtimes mainly in the courtyard with a friend of his choosing, because the school just couldn't supervise all the children for the whole hour outside. It wasn't ideal, but he was happy and safe, and not getting involved in fights. Now he's at secondary school things are better, but it's never easy. Good luck!

Wow I would be furious if my child was being stabbed at school! I don’t care who’s doing it or what SEN they have - it’s not acceptable and needs to be stopped. I’m afraid I’d be complaining to the school and teaching my child to hit back twice as hard.

If he can't get through break time without hurting people, the school need to rejig their staffing until he can. If your daughter is getting hurt of course you should complain. Consider it that you are helping the school gather evidence of his needs, which may lead to him getting the right support, rather than you complaining for the sake of it.

As a TA who works in a primary school, I would defiantly bring this up to the teacher and express your concern for your child.
If it carries on after that I would also request a meeting with the head.
As if this child is SEN the school need to be aware of this behaviour to tackle it and put things in place to safeguard others and to talk to him/parent regarding his behaviour.

Speak to the teacher about your child's comments. They may or may not be aware. They may or may not already be addressing it.

Whether the child has additional needs or not they should not be hurting any other child.

5 children who need extra support in a class of 25 is a very high percentage, and too much for a teacher to really cope with. I mean they are expected to teach.

I would put the blame on a system that leaves things to TAs who are paid so little it's impossible to live on, and who mostly have low level qualifications (I am absolutely NOT criticising, I am defending them).

With 5 SEN children in the class, I think they need 2 professional SEN assistants there full-time. otherwise, the children are being let down: the 5 and also the other 20.

Bullying is NEVER acceptable. I would definitely speak to the teacher asap, but in a way that the teacher can tell you realise what he/she is having to deal with is an impossible situation.

It is completely unacceptable that your DD is getting hurt.