Page 2 | To be concerned over what my daughter says about a child at school.

starfishmummy · 14/11/2020 02:23

Another SEN parent here. Definitely talk to the school, they should be dealing with this in an appropriate way - which sounds like he needs more supervision. By seemingly doing nothing, the staff are failing in their duty of care towards your daughter (and I'd actually tell them that).

RantyAnty · 14/11/2020 02:45

Have your DH teach her how to fight. Then when the boy start hitting or hurting her, she can fight back. It will only take one time and he won't be bothering her again.

MrsKypp · 14/11/2020 02:47

@RantyAnty

Have your DH teach her how to fight. Then when the boy start hitting or hurting her, she can fight back. It will only take one time and he won't be bothering her again.

Risky, could be dangerous and she has SEN on top of that.

I wouldn't advise reciprocating with more violence.

Not sure how I'd solve it though because the school doesn't seem to be providing sufficient qualified staff for the situation to work as it should

lovelemoncurd · 14/11/2020 03:36

@cathcath2 I guess you posted on the wrong thread. You totally confused me there!

cabbageking · 14/11/2020 03:47

You can't judge staffing requirements on SEND numbers.

Being SEND doesn't mean you need help all the time. You can be ahead of other children even and need help in one area only. A child needing SALT might only get 20 minutes a week but still be on the register.

However reporting any issues is key so staff can assess when and where any problems happen.

HappyChristmasTreeRex · 14/11/2020 04:17

Another one saying definitely arrange to have a chat with he class teacher to see what can be done to prevent it happening in future. Unfortunately staffing levels are unlikely to get better as schools are so very poorly funded by the current government. 2 TA's is more than a lot of school classes, even if not full time, so if they are made aware of the situation they should be able to keep more of an eye out for it. The SEN aspect is neither here nor there but he other child needs support to change his behaviour too, or there may be something going on at home leading to this behaviour so you shouldn't see it as telling on him at all.

makingmammaries · 14/11/2020 04:54

Also a SEN parent. You can’t let that happen to your daughter. Of course raise it with the school and be vigilant. My DS was also horrible to other kids when younger. SEN or not, he had to stop that behaviour.

MummyMiss · 14/11/2020 05:16

I am a teacher so I can understand how it has been missed, I would go in and have a quiet word with teacher and see how things develop

SimonJT · 14/11/2020 05:50

Just have a quiet word, things happen and get missed.

My son was getting repeatedly pinched by the little girl he sits next to and she left little nail marks on his arm. He hadn’t told the class teacher because he was worried he would miss the end of the story (little girl was pinching during story time).

Had words with the teacher, spoke about how sometimes you do need to talk over someone, so next time the little girl pinched him he essentially shouted at full volume “Mrs X N has pinched me”.

I’m well aware that at some point he will probably be the one who has been unkind and will need support in acting in a more appropriate manner at school.

SocialBees · 14/11/2020 06:12

You are being way too nice about this OP. Your empathy for the child and his parents has held you back from doing the right thing, which is to speak to the teacher every time something happens and escalate to the head if necessary. You need to protect your DD.

SoloMummy · 14/11/2020 06:58

@Jgb12

I have two children. Both with additional needs and they both have support at school. DS has 1:1. Dd has some degree of extra help but not 1:1. I’m saying this because I know children with additional needs can struggle in school settings etc and struggle with their behaviour.

Dd comes home and tells me that a little lad in her class is horrible to her. He chucked a toy at her the other day, she said he kicked her today. She has come home with little marks on her legs that are from pencils being shoved into her skin. I think the little boy in question has additional needs himself so I do have sympathy and I don’t want to bring it up with the school unless I have to but Dd is really upset and says that he is quite a handful. I know his mum and I would never approach her because being a parent of children with additional needs I know how hard it is and it’s not her fault at all.

But I can’t help feel he should be better supervised.

There’s a few of them in the class needing extra support in a group of 25, probably about 5 inc Dd requiring support. I think out of the whole school it’s the only year group with a larger number of children needing extra help but there’s only 2 TA’s, in fact one goes home in the afternoons so 1 in the afternoon. They are only 5 and 6 so I don’t feel this is enough.

Aibu to be really annoyed. She’s in tears saying he hurt and I feel it’s a reflection of the lack of support in the class... I know money is tight in schools but both Dd and another child have their support outlined in an EHCP so the school really need to sort this.

I think I’m annoyed at the school more than anything !

It sounds as though the school have ploughed in extra resources, the second TA. That will no doubt be them at their financial limit. I'm not sure why you think additional staff will help. Potentially they're gathering evidence for ehcp and have to show they've spent over 6k.but this takes time. However, I'd be alerting the class teacher. The pencil marks shouldn't be happening and the teacher needs to know about the violence and nasty behaviour as this is affecting your child.

MollyButton · 14/11/2020 07:00

You need to complain.
Not only is the school failing your DD by not protecting her from this behaviour. And teaching her that her safety isn't that important.
They are also failing the boy, by not preventing or stopping him from this behaviour. He is obviously not coping. All behaviour is a form of communicating.
Sometimes other parents complaining about a child will make a school act.

Sirzy · 14/11/2020 07:16

Talking to the school will also help them to gather further information for any assessments/ehcp applications that may be happening.

As the mum of two with additional needs I’m sure your more than aware of how hard the fight for that support is so anything that may help show the need for it can help them

Indecentobsession · 14/11/2020 07:19

You don't need to complain yet. Staff can't be expected to watch every child all the time, especially in a class with such a high ratio of SEN. Talking to the teacher first making them aware is the first step. They then have the opportunity to make it right. I don't agree the school has failed

madcow88 · 14/11/2020 07:33

My DD has SEN and also had some 1:1 support however this came from another child's 1:1. This other child repeatedly assaulted my child from R-the beginning of Y3. She was stabbed with pencils, punched and kicked and the final incident saw my DD have half of her hair pulled out and repeatedly kicked in the head. I was told in no uncertain terms I would need to my DD as they couldn't protect her. The 1:1 rang me abs said she had been told not to contact me but said I needed to know that mental health had been in touch with the school to say my DD was in danger as this child used to describe ways in which she would hurt my child. It was an awful few years and when she moved I was relieved my DD finally received the help she needs. Please get on at school this is not okay my DD still thinks about it now and she is nearly 14 and she moved schools at the beginning of Y3.

Iggly · 14/11/2020 07:34

Speak to the teacher ASAP! There’s no way I’d let something like this go, this is about protecting and advocating for your child.

RebeccaGillies · 14/11/2020 07:38

Agree with Iggly

rawlikesushi · 14/11/2020 07:41

I think you absolutely must talk to the teacher and get it sorted - it is unacceptable that your child is being repeatedly hurt.

But, since you say that you are annoyed with the school, I just wanted to add a couple of points.

First of all, please don't assume that the school aren't doing anything about it. They may have all sorts of strategies in place that need time to work, or be reviewed and changed. Your child should not be getting hurt, but they may be as concerned as you and desperately trying to sort it out.

Secondly, having 1.5 TAs is extremely fortunate in one class of 25. I have a class of 33 that includes 8 children with SEN, two of which have an EHCP - one TA. As pp have said, they can't just find an extra £25k for another TA, but they can manage how they work to ensure better supervision so that your child isn't getting hurt.

Thirdly, since you say that most of it happens at playtime, I assume that the children are outside with midday supervisors or the rota teacher on playground duty - please do not assume that any incident is reported, by them, to her own teacher, or it could be reported as 'there was an incident but we dealt with it'.

Rather than being annoyed, approach her teacher from a point of concern - mention in particular the marks on her legs.

VashtaNerada · 14/11/2020 07:41

I’m a primary teacher and I would definitely want to know. It’s a horrible situation and one we face very frequently. If a child doesn’t pass the threshold for a 1:1 or parents refuse to give permission for intervention we are in an impossible situation. Additional adults are engaged elsewhere and I have 30 children to teach. I put children like this in a seat I can keep an eye on, rotate their partner frequently, and deal with each and every incident as it happens but I can’t guarantee that no child will get hurt in my classroom. It’s a horrible, horrible situation. I want my classroom to be safe for everybody.

MushMonster · 14/11/2020 07:43

Teacher and headteacher.
Pencil stabbing is no joke. He could seriously hurt someone.
Do not think twice and speak to the school about it ASAP.

MummyMiss · 14/11/2020 07:44

@Indecentobsession

Absolutely correct

Indecentobsession · 14/11/2020 07:45

@rawlikesushi

I think you absolutely must talk to the teacher and get it sorted - it is unacceptable that your child is being repeatedly hurt.

But, since you say that you are annoyed with the school, I just wanted to add a couple of points.

First of all, please don't assume that the school aren't doing anything about it. They may have all sorts of strategies in place that need time to work, or be reviewed and changed. Your child should not be getting hurt, but they may be as concerned as you and desperately trying to sort it out.

Secondly, having 1.5 TAs is extremely fortunate in one class of 25. I have a class of 33 that includes 8 children with SEN, two of which have an EHCP - one TA. As pp have said, they can't just find an extra £25k for another TA, but they can manage how they work to ensure better supervision so that your child isn't getting hurt.

Thirdly, since you say that most of it happens at playtime, I assume that the children are outside with midday supervisors or the rota teacher on playground duty - please do not assume that any incident is reported, by them, to her own teacher, or it could be reported as 'there was an incident but we dealt with it'.

Rather than being annoyed, approach her teacher from a point of concern - mention in particular the marks on her legs.

^^this

LD22020 · 14/11/2020 07:50

Address it with the school. It actually helped my DD when school were made aware of a couple of incidents involving other children as they increased her support and were able to evidence the need for more funding.

I know it is awful when you know there are additional needs but your priority is your child and you can raise it without being unkind or unpleasant.

LD22020 · 14/11/2020 07:53

And is 5 in a class of 25 really that high? It's 15% accross my DD's school. In her year group 23 out of 90 are on varying levels of SEN support

Standrewsschool · 14/11/2020 07:54

The child you need to be concerned about is your own child. Speak to the teacher.