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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Concerned over being questioned about something by sons school.

56 replies

Jgb12 · 13/11/2020 19:17

Hi all, was asked to stay and speak to assistant head at DC’s school this afternoon.

She told me that DS aged 10 (who has autism) told a TA he is allowed to stay up all night gaming.

Nothing of the sort happens 🤣 I’m not even going to explain myself here as it’s simply not true.
I’m not sure why he said it. Sometimes before bed we say come on it’s getting late time for bed which he may make him think it’s late - he isn’t great at telling the time.

I explained to her that DS loves gaming (which I’m sure is really common for a 10 year old) but no way he stays up all night. He goes to bed at 7 to watch tv and is often asleep by 9-10pm (he does struggle to nod off). He doesn’t have any means of gaming in his room. We don’t own a console. He has a computer downstairs which he plays on after school and after tea before bed etc.

She said she had to ask but aibu to think it was an unnecessary question? It’s pretty damn obvious DS that DS isn’t up all night because he’d be really tired at school which he isn’t 🤣 also he’s always been at the same school and I’d like to think they wouldn’t think I’d let him do that!! Do they think I’m a terrible parent? Do they believe my explanation?!

Will this go on some kind of record?! Will they take it further?

I have nothing to hide but it seems like something DS has probably said out of context has been take the wrong way!

Advice??

OP posts:
Wowcherarestalkingme · 13/11/2020 19:20

They won’t take it further but they do have to ask.

YorkshirePud1 · 13/11/2020 19:23

I think they have to ask really and it's good that they do. Now they have I'm sure they'll be happy there's no issue and that will be the end of it.

spanieleyes · 13/11/2020 19:25

Of course it's not an unnecessary question. Your child has said something that is concerning in terms of child welfare. They need your reassurance that there is no concern, which you have given. End of.

Original poster
Jgb12 · 13/11/2020 19:28

Thank you. I just like to think it was obvious when a child stays up all night ie they are tired and lack energy. That is definitely not DS! 🤣

OP posts:
bloodywhitecat · 13/11/2020 19:28

Of course they have to ask, it is not unheard of for children to be up all night gaming or watching TV. I think it is a good thing that they could have an open, honest conversation with you about it.

Ickabog · 13/11/2020 19:29

I have nothing to hide but it seems like something DS has probably said out of context has been take the wrong way!

Why do you think it's been taken out of context? If he loves gaming then surely it's something he could have said, whether it's true or not. They were right to ask, and now they have i'm sure they won't take it any further.

bloodywhitecat · 13/11/2020 19:30

@Jgb12

Thank you. I just like to think it was obvious when a child stays up all night ie they are tired and lack energy. That is definitely not DS! 🤣
And no, it isn't obvious. Some children cope really well on limited sleep, some become hyperactive. It is not unusual for children with autism to have disordered sleeping but not appear tired the next day but it can have a knock-on effect on their behaviour in other ways.
slipperywhensparticus · 13/11/2020 19:31

I got a phone call about my youngest apparently playing games with big guns smd loads of blood they said they could understand him seeing something because I have older children in the house I laughed before they got any further my elder child faints at the sight of blood even "cartoon gore" makes him feel sick all our games are lego based what had really happened is ds clicked on a dark stream by mistake when I stepped out the room (inappropriate content for young children) and saw a really gorey game which he really wants (but isn't getting it) they said they were fine but they are definitely keeping an eye on him amazing how he pays attention to nothing until its something he shouldn't be watching

itsgettingweird · 13/11/2020 19:34

They have to ask.

I'd be tempted to reply "clearly it's true. Of course my child is up 24/7 and never sleeps"

But in reality I'd just say "he may have said that but he sleeps from 9-7 and doesn't even have a console in his room"

Letseatgrandma · 13/11/2020 19:35

It’s right that they asked-it’s important that all concerns are investigated.

If adults just ignored worrying things that children said just because they assumed it sounded like a lie, the consequences could be horrific.

Hesnotlocal · 13/11/2020 19:36

They do have to ask, but I'm sure they believe you and will not think any more about it. They probably were not asking to catch you out/tell you off but to try to help. I know teachers who have asked similar questions and parents have opened up about behaviour problems parents have been struggling with at home and the school have been able to help them with some ideas to help.

SimonJT · 13/11/2020 19:38

Of course they have to ask, just as they had to ask me where my son sleeps after he told his teacher that I make him sleep on the balcony or in the dog crate.

To be fair, he has napped in the crate before 🤣

Shortsinwinter · 13/11/2020 19:39

Must be the week for it. My Ds told his classmates he got up at 3am to play a game. I think its something one of the you tubers he likes talks about. I'm surprised they couldn't work out he was telling porkies but I wouldn't be concerned about them checking in with you.

coldwarenigma · 13/11/2020 19:43

A friends son told the school that their house had burnt down and they were staying at grannys. They called mum in to check they were getting support and if they could help with any applications for help (knew mum was skint) to replace stuff. Mum was Shock There was no truth in it at all! Grin

Hercwasonaroll · 13/11/2020 19:46

Of course they have to ask.
Some kids stay up all night, fill up on sugar and are crazy all day.

Don't be offended. If they were really concerned they wouldn't be asking you.

OneNightTimeMenaceStrikesBack · 13/11/2020 19:54

if it makes you feel better, my son, who is also autistic, told his support at primary school (so a while ago now) that he stayed up late at night watchign game of thrones and smoking under his bed!! neither of which were true of course

Gancanny · 13/11/2020 20:04

I have two autistic DS' and both have done similar things a couple of times.

DH used to go away a lot with work and younger DS told his teacher "daddy is in prison". I had to explain that no, he was actually in Coventry.

Older DS told his teacher he was allowed to watch horror films but it was okay because DH and I watched them with him so it was really a family activity. The horror film in question? The Adams Family.

Cattermole · 13/11/2020 20:08

The Junior Engineer has told his teachers previously that I'm a pirate, it's my actual job, and I have a ship called the Black Freighter.
He's also told them that if he's naughty at home I have threatened tio cut his head off with a sword.

That last was awkward, as I now have a number of Year 6s who still want to know where we keep the swords.
(The answer being: two hanging on the landing, one in the boiler room, three in the shed. We are a re-enacting family and all our swords are blunt....)

Gancanny · 13/11/2020 20:10

I need to know more about the swords and reenactment because it sounds amazing. What do you reenact? And do you just rock up to a field and start playing pretend or are there pre-agreed scripts?

LolaSmiles · 13/11/2020 20:14

They have to ask, but having spoken to you then that will be the end of it. If they had genuine concerns then they'd not be having a quick chat with you.

There's nothing to worry about OP.

Imakemistakeseveryday · 13/11/2020 20:16

School staff don't believe everything the children say I can assure you but they can't ignore something like this. They won't think that he is up all night as this would be obvious but he may appear sleepy and then if someone has asked if he is tired your son has claimed to be up all night! The school won't take it further, primary age pupils say all kinds of things that they have misunderstood at home and give plenty of misinformation at home about what happens at school! Don't worry

slipperywhensparticus · 13/11/2020 20:23

I also had to answer questions about my son telling them he was sword fighting at the weekend a couple if years ago this would have been ignored but his older brother pipes up yes we did my brother is s brilliant bezerker he had a bloke on his knees that was a bit concerning until i added the words cardboard swords viking reenactment it all got very loud and fun was had by all (and yes put anything sword shaped in my youngest hands and he screams and charges its quite intimidating)

Divebar · 13/11/2020 20:24

What do you think the school should do? Brush it off as bull-shit because you’re so “nice”? There have been so many cases where agencies haven’t acted on blatant disclosures by children because they’ve decided that the child is lying or fabricating or it’s just not possible. This is obviously a minor matter but I know a case where the child told a teacher they were being locked in a dungeon which was dismissed. ( I mean who has a dungeon right?). Actually the child was being put in the cellar. This is small fry in comparison and they’re just doing their job.

Abetes · 13/11/2020 20:41

I used to volunteer as a reading helper in a school. We had safeguarding training and one of the specific example of things to look out for was this. They have to ask.

redwinefine · 13/11/2020 20:46

It might be that he is tired at school / was tired one day and made the comment, so they had to check. Kids say all sorts of things

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