Concerned over being questioned about something by sons school.

[Jgb12]

Hi all, was asked to stay and speak to assistant head at DC’s school this afternoon.

She told me that DS aged 10 (who has autism) told a TA he is allowed to stay up all night gaming.

Nothing of the sort happens 🤣 I’m not even going to explain myself here as it’s simply not true.
I’m not sure why he said it. Sometimes before bed we say come on it’s getting late time for bed which he may make him think it’s late - he isn’t great at telling the time.

I explained to her that DS loves gaming (which I’m sure is really common for a 10 year old) but no way he stays up all night. He goes to bed at 7 to watch tv and is often asleep by 9-10pm (he does struggle to nod off). He doesn’t have any means of gaming in his room. We don’t own a console. He has a computer downstairs which he plays on after school and after tea before bed etc.

She said she had to ask but aibu to think it was an unnecessary question? It’s pretty damn obvious DS that DS isn’t up all night because he’d be really tired at school which he isn’t 🤣 also he’s always been at the same school and I’d like to think they wouldn’t think I’d let him do that!! Do they think I’m a terrible parent? Do they believe my explanation?!

Will this go on some kind of record?! Will they take it further?

I have nothing to hide but it seems like something DS has probably said out of context has been take the wrong way!

Advice??

They do have to ask and while in your case you know your house lacks the tech for this sort of thing, sometimes parents are blissfully unaware. A friend of mine had no idea her 12 year old was setting his alarm for 3.00 am and sneaking downstairs (no tech in bedrooms) to play on the family PC in the middle of the night till one night she happened to have insomnia and came downstairs for a glass of water. It had been going on for months!

It is not obvious. Many children have TVs and gaming consoles in their bedrooms. When they are "sent to bed" at 7:30p they may still be up at 11p. As a counselor my usual way of gaining info about that was to ask a class "who watched James Corden on TV last night? (Hands go up.) Who was his guest star? Teacher of class makes a list of those who got the answer right and starts calling parents.
Maybe your son was just doing a bit of bragging to the TA? Calm down and cool off. SS is not on the way to your home.

When my youngest ds was in reception he told his teacher he went to bed at 10pm, at parents evening she sat down and looking at her notes said ‘ds says his bedtime is 10pm?’ then sat and stared at me. I just laughed, he was 4 years old, no his bedtime is not 10pm! I didn’t feel it necessary to explain either, they have to ask I guess but kids make stuff up.

I had a year 7 kid message me at 11:45 pm last night to say he couldn’t do his homework. School definitely need to check as some kids are indeed allowed to stay up “all” night.

Although i think sleep is important i do think this is overstepping by schools it is a parent choice when a child goes to bed.
My dc2 does not sleep. She is 5 and sleeps 10pm to 7 or 8am.
Im not sure 8pm to 6am is an improvement personally.
Alao i find it better to stagger the kids going to bed and getting up as they distract each other.
At 5 my eldest was doing 12h sleep.
Her behaviour at school was awful as getting overtired!
Im grateful dc2 isnt up at 6am as that would disturb dc1 and they still need their sleep or they misbehave

-Yes, they did need to ask.
-There will be a record.
-No, they won't take it further.

In reception dd told her teacher her middle name was Cucumber..
School rang to check.
*it isn't - just to clarify...

My youngest likes to tell tall tales. I was asked in for a ‘welfare check’. I laughed it off but I was fuming when I got home.

None of it was remotely true.

It really irks me that some where there is a piece of paper saying ‘snaileyes kid said xyz’ which is totally untrue!

My six year old son's teacher (many years ago), asked me if he watched 'Spitting Image" because during a discussion he said he knew who the Archbishop of Canterbury was - he was the one always having a cup of tea with God.

Yeah, kids say things all the time - the teacher has to be able to know they have checked the situation is not true.

I say to my kids - you are not playing that all night ! meaning from home time until 8.30. If the child repeats that it sounds like something else.

They need to check, that's all. DD1's teacher (DD1 has SN) came out to tell me that they had done a session on alcohol awareness and DD1 (14) had used 'beer googles' to simulate being drunk. She needed to let me know, in case DD1 told me she'd had beer.

It works both ways!

Don't worry at all. But believe me, from the way the DDs' phones chime in the evening, their friends often are up well into the early hours. A very good reason to have a no electronics in the bedroom rule after a certain time.

They wont take it further OP.

My son has SN and told the teacher that Daddy had punched him in the face.

Luckily I was there at the time to jump in with "what happened?" at which point he elaborated that it was dark, Daddy was asleep and he crept in and jumped on him with a "Boo!".

The teacher was visibly relieved and agreed that Daddy could be forgiven for jumping in surprise (read hitting the ceiling in panic).

It is good they ask because it means they're paying attention to your child. One of mine told their teacher they didn't get breakfast! My childminder was more upset than I was. Teachers know that kids make stuff up but I'd rather they checked consistently as one day the tale will be true and the child will need intervention. Also you can now a a chat with your ds about dangers of lying!

Now all those embarrassed or wondering why teachers believe their kids should remember this feeling next time your kid comes home with news about school life and the dragon teacher.

They do have to ask, but I totally understand why you find this irritating. Similar misunderstanding happened to me, and I did feel compelled to call the school because I thought it a massive judgement on my parenting (despite DS begging me not to, and I thought I'd done it discretely but he did find out).
The year tutor listened and responded, and thanked me for clarifying.
It still bloody annoyed me though! (Ds has ADHD)

It’s hardly a big deal! They asked. You answered. Done.

This is a common problem with teenagers and unfortunately many do actually sit up all night gaming.

It's a bit OTT for a member of senior team to speak to you but I do agree that it needed raising. Some kids are awfully adept at hiding it from their parents.

I really wouldn't worry about it. It sounds like you've cleared it up.

DD around age 7 told her teachers she had a burn on her finger because she had to make toast and she was often alone in the morning.

I had to go in to explain she burnt her finger making a crumpet in the toaster because she reached in to get it out and we have since shown her the lift up function.

Also by often alone she means I go up and get dressed in the morning. God knows how they thought she was on her own and I managed to get her in to before school care at 7am every morning. But that was the last I heard of it.

When one of ours was starting school at the parents meeting the Head stood up and said Don't believe all you child tells you happens in school and we won't believe all they say happens at home!

Not what you've posted about but he shouldn't be watching TV for 2 hours straight before sleep - that will ensure he struggles to nod off.

It's the wrong kind of light etc.

Some kids do rarely sleep. Some families and children are struggling with insomnia and with children who cannot switch off and sleep for a wide range of reasons, many connected to ASN. It’s really helpful to know that a child isn’t sleeping, as it’s isn’t as obvious as you’d expect. They aren’t all snoozing in the corner all day. Schools do not always know or are not told about children taking melatonin etc.

My DD told her nursery staff that we had 11 dogs. They were most concerned about how I was going to look after them all when the new baby arrived.
I wasn’t pregnant either.

More to the point - DS was overheard in the playground telling his friends he was ‘allowed to watch whatever he wanted’ - it’s true. He wants to watch Power Rangers. We had to answer questions though.

@Snaileyes

My youngest likes to tell tall tales. I was asked in for a ‘welfare check’. I laughed it off but I was fuming when I got home.

None of it was remotely true.

It really irks me that some where there is a piece of paper saying ‘snaileyes kid said xyz’ which is totally untrue!

But presumably it is true, snaileye's kid did say xyz. That's why they record it like that. Rather than just 'xyz'. They won't have recorded that ops son stays up all night, they will have recorded 'ops son says...'.

It cuts both ways. Sometimes they say weird stuff about school, you still try to figure on what they are on about. I do, anyway!

They have to ask - but presumably bad parents would lie anyway?

Don't worry OP - lots of kids tell stories and I think ASD ones especially so. My DS (ASD and ADHD) yawned at school when about 8, and his TA asked if he was tired. He said he hadn't slept properly for a year because he has terrible nightmares about killer clowns....!

I asked him and he couldn't really remember what he said. I know he sleeps like a log because I'm usually in the kitchen below his room, but I asked what he had nightmares about and he hummed and thought and then said vampires and ghosts......

My DSis's autistic son once told his school that he had to get himself and his younger brother ready for school and do breakfast while his Mum stayed in bed! They were about 10 and 6 - she was mortified.....! I'm sure the teachers have heard it all before.

(And whoever said autistic kids can't lie - lol!! )

Safeguarding question, of course they have to ask. I’m sure it’s clear that he isn’t drooping with tiredness all day, but better to ask than not to ask. Some parents do allow this, you’d be amazed at the tales we hear, so crazy sometimes!