Or is DH taking the piss now?

[lilactreetop]

I'm currently on furlough (as I have been from March) and DH works from home. I'm really starting to get sick of how our days are split. From morning till night time I look after DD (who as a toddler is currently really hard work). I do breakfast, lunch time, dinner, snacks, activities during the day, afternoon walk, bath time and the only thing he does during the day is come downstairs to eat with us, gets her dressed after her bath and puts her to bed (20-30 mins max). I think it's really unfair that the only time I get to myself is in the evening when I'm absolutely shattered. I can barely go to the loo while he's working because we currently only have an upstairs loo and he works in our bedroom so if I leave DD downstairs, she comes upstairs crying at the gate at the top of the stairs right next to the bedroom (which I would get a bollocking for) or I have to take her with me where she messes everything up in the bathroom and gets herself all wet in the sink. He goes upstairs 10-15 minutes before he actually starts work and on his lunch break he does the same, he comes down to eat(10mins roughly) and then goes upstairs straight away and sits on his phone for the remainder of his lunch break Weekends, he gets involved a bit more but I still don't get any time to myself at all like he does. At least 5 minutes would be nice to just turn off. I asked him this morning if he could get up a bit early and give DD her breakfast and he said 'no, that's your job'. WTF. AIBU to just want him to feed her breakfast while I enjoy my tea while it's still warm??

8.30-4.30 is DH working. You're in charge of LO.

Outside of those times, and at weekends, neither of you are working and you're both equally responsible for LO. If he won't pull his weight, you may need to divide up the days until he gets a better understanding of what 50% feels like. So Mon, Weds, Fri, you do LO's early mornings and breakfast, Tues and Thurs he does. You just have to get up at 8.30 to take over from him.

And please use the bathroom whenever you need to, OP. If LO creates a scene, them's the breaks when you WFH. Everyone's work is being impacted by it to some extent.

And I agree with PP - have one day each at the weekend where you're the 'primary parent'. I suggest his day is Sat so if he doesn't pull his weight, you can turn it back on him on Sunday.

You might want to let him know that when you've finally had enough of his shitty behaviour and you leave him, he will have to look after her on his own when you split residency 50/50.

What an arsehole.

I would go into his room at lunch while he’s messing about on his phone, hand his his child and go to the loo. Tell him to Parent his child for 5 minutes. If he says ‘that’s your job’ reply ‘you helped make her, be her dad!’

He is a selfish useless twat! I would stop doing anything for him. I used to leave the house every Saturday for the entire day and my Dh managed with a baby and two year old. There is absolutely no reason for men not to be involved. Put your foot down OP and I wouldn’t hesitate in telling the world what a poor excuse for a father. If you were separated he would have to look after her.I’d be fuming find your voice OP!!

Just a reminder for anyone who's missed my posts on this before- you cannot make a non-resident parent have contact/take responsibility. You cannot decide to have every other weekend off or decide on 50/50 care. There are no laws for this and it's purely decided by what the non-resident parent offers

Well presumably further children are out of the question anyway given that his callous disrespect of you has made your vagina slam shut..

Sounds like your H is not interested in being a family or parent

My husband can be lazy in the mornings and he is WFH and we had our first child in June. He interacts a lot more in the day but struggles to get out of bed. I take no prisoners and just flip the mattress.

I hear you. Feel the pain.

Do as others have said and insist you get your you time.