Partners money contributions

[Wildflower219]

So currently I am on mat leave and I am due to return to work next month. I am having to return early due to financial reasons so my work pay will be the same as I was receiving on mat leave approx 1550. My partner and I have a baby and he gives me 400 a month but that's for everything rent food bills clothes nursery fees etc. So the way I see it is that:
Partner earns approx 1100 - pays 100 for child for other relationship and gives me 400 so has 600 left for himself.
I earn 1550 - rent and council tax - 780
Bills gas electric Internet TV licence water etc - approx 180
Childs nursery 170
Food - approx 300 a month as he only likes bottled water fizzy drinks our cat food alone is 60 a month.
And on top of that I am the only one to buy baby clothes out of my own money.
AIBU to ask him to pay more especially with him now starting nursery should he pay towards this? Out total outgoings is say 1500 a month to which he pays 400 towards this. Yes I earn 450 a month more but even if I pay that on top so I pay 850 and he pays 400 I'm still paying 250 more and clothing the baby separately to all this and I buy everything for the house I have bought him all his Christmas presents my money paid for nursery decorations etc.

He has about 200 a month more disposable income than you? If so it should be even at least, he should pay another hundred, so you have five hundred left each.

So you have £2650 as a family and approx £1600 is bills? So £1k disposable. What about travel expenses etc for you both? Realistically you need to do family budget, work out all expenditures including baby stuff and then split what is left. Neither of you should be worse off than the other but this also should have all been hashed out before the baby arrived.

Easiest way is to put all your money in one pot. Pay all bills and everything for your child from it. Split remaining money in half. That's your personal money.

Are you in a relationship with him and the baby his? If so, all money is family money with an equal amount of personal money after the payment of all family expenses.

He should be paying 50% of childcare costs. Ask him why he thinks he shouldn’t.

@arethereanyleftatall I was thinking about a joint bank account he seemed keen but I worry its because he will think great I have more money now when in reality it's just to be fair. I don't know what he buys but he is always broke by say 14th of the month and he smokes alot so probably that. I buy his and babies clothes I never really get anything for myself don't do hair nails etc. @Parker231 yes he's the babies dad and where in a relationship. I just seem to pay alot more in like I have furnished the whole house myself which I'm glad of as it will always be mine but I just feel like he doesn't realise how much I pay out even say buying furniture paint decorating the nursery etc cribs and stuff was easily 500 alone

So I did the maths based on percentage of incoming brought in by you both, you earn 57% of the joint income. So he should pay 43% of the outgoings, which is £605, that's his fair share. Iv calculated that excluding his child support as it's really his responsibility to pay for his child that's not your. But I also didn't include a cost for child clothes so I think its balanced.

He only lays £100 towards his other child?
Maybe he should be paying his extra money in that direction!

Why are you so reluctant to have this conversation with him? Seems weird if you are in a long term relationship and have a baby - like you keep saying things like o don’t think he realises how much I spend in nursery things or the baby - why not? When you need to buy baby items don’t you buy them together and why isn’t he paying half or something towards the stuff his baby needs?

He won’t ever know how much you spend in stuff if you don’t tell him 😂

Sorry I got stuck on the £100 a month for his other child. £25 a week. You both know that is not reasonable to cover 50% of a the cost to raise a child.

He is on a very low income, does he work full time?

A joint account between you would be fairer, but can he try to increase his earnings - maybe a second job.

At the moment he isn’t supporting either of his children enough, and really couldn’t afford to have a second child.

Sod the pro rata bullshit.

He should be paying half.

If he wanted more disposable income he should have kept his dick in his pants and gotten a better paying job.

Nobody is entitled to disposable income if they don't earn enough to support having any.

Why in the world would you be paying extra to make sure he has pissing away money.

He is well on the way to being a cocklodging arsehole who is more than willing to take you for a fool.

Surely a joint account for all living expenses, and an amount into a sole account each for any personal expenses, hair, makeup, cigarettes, hobbies?

He should be paying half

I don’t agree with that. I think it should be done fairly where both parties have the same disposable income at the end

However I’d not wish to be with a man who treated me like this and was happy to be carried so he could have some extra spends. I would not find that attractive at all.

@trumpalumpa @Ideasplease322 he is full time but on minimum wage. He gets paid 4 weekly then 5 weekly every 4th month so apparently that's a bigger wage I don't really understand it. We do still have his other child staying with us and I actually worked it out if we weren't together I would be 350 a month better of as a single parent the whole things backwards. His ex is happy with that so I don't get involved in that aspect I'm sure if she wasn't she would say I assume

And don’t do a joint account op. You’re already thinking he’s thinking great I can take her for more. And that’s exactly what he’s going to do. Give him access to your money too and he’s going to have it.

Why are you spending your money on his clothes and yet not buying clothes for yourself????

And don’t have another baby with him.

He should be giving nearer to 800 a month for half of everything, it's his child too, he's responsible for half the childcare, clothes everything.
Why does he think he gets to live for cheap and let you pick up the rest?

I think he should be paying more. I think you are in a routine of just paying for things automatically and it’s causing you justified resentment now. You need to stop next time you are planning to buy things for the baby, and say to him baby needs such and such, it will cost x amount we can go halves on it. I would also sit him down and have a list of all the expenses and say this is the homes out goings, we need to split them as I can’t afford to pay out as much as I have been, if you want as a couple to go totally fifty fifty or else different amounts, just make sure you are happy with it or you will still feel resentful and it will only get worse! But if he is wasting money on smoking and bad with money i wouldn’t have my wages that he can spend them I would set up an account purely for bills and expenses and you both can lodge the agreed amount in then!

Do you mean his older daughter stays with you full time, 50/50?

Do you have to feed and cloth her from your money too, or does he cover he expenses over and above the £100?

He doesn’t seem financially stable. He needs a second job.

£350 better off without him, I was going to ask that question. He needs to increase to a fair amount or bugger off.

Oh and I doubt that a joint account would work. He'd just spend more on fags and drinks and the account would be empty by 14th I bet.

One joint account for bills/child expenses only.
Same amount of spending money each, held in your own accounts.
Don't buy his clothes.

@Yummymummy2020 I think you're right we have just sort of fallen into this habbit. I think it was okay before the baby I was still managing to save each month and pay for things. If we didn't have childcare costs I probably would still be okay paying more. We are not struggling yet as they say but I would like to build up my savings again for Christmas holidays away etc and I think I need to get him to pay a fair amount for that to happen. It's just trying to make him understand that I can't see him saying no he's not like that but he seems to think I earn a ton when in reality I pay a hell of a lot more tax pension and student loan and he pays about 50 tax a month he's lucky.

What is he spending £600 on with pubs shut half the year and you buying all his things for him?!

He should be paying more so you both have the same disposable income... With the caveat that if you're buying a lot of stuff for the house that you consider yours, you should probably pay for that out of your own pocket.

How's your relationship generally?

Your husband brings home less than £300 a week. He needs to look for a better job as that's really low!