Partners money contributions

[Wildflower219]

So currently I am on mat leave and I am due to return to work next month. I am having to return early due to financial reasons so my work pay will be the same as I was receiving on mat leave approx 1550. My partner and I have a baby and he gives me 400 a month but that's for everything rent food bills clothes nursery fees etc. So the way I see it is that:
Partner earns approx 1100 - pays 100 for child for other relationship and gives me 400 so has 600 left for himself.
I earn 1550 - rent and council tax - 780
Bills gas electric Internet TV licence water etc - approx 180
Childs nursery 170
Food - approx 300 a month as he only likes bottled water fizzy drinks our cat food alone is 60 a month.
And on top of that I am the only one to buy baby clothes out of my own money.
AIBU to ask him to pay more especially with him now starting nursery should he pay towards this? Out total outgoings is say 1500 a month to which he pays 400 towards this. Yes I earn 450 a month more but even if I pay that on top so I pay 850 and he pays 400 I'm still paying 250 more and clothing the baby separately to all this and I buy everything for the house I have bought him all his Christmas presents my money paid for nursery decorations etc.

He seems to have a very limited view of finances, as you are also a low earner, but yes higher than him as he’s min wage.

Do you think he really has this limited view or he just says this because he wants you to keep paying for him?

And yeah - is he not doing anything about getting a better paying job?

Why did you have a baby with a man who only gives his first child £100 a month? His ex might be 'ok' with it knowing she's lucky to even get that from him.

He gives himself more money than both his children put together. That's how little they mean to him. You can guarantee if you split up with him, all you'll get is £100 too. You certainly won't get £400.

You should really be pooling all your money together and spending equally, discussing any extras. But I can't see him liking that, he won't get £600 to spend on himself on god knows what. Can't believe that he keeps £600 for himself and his kids between them get £500. That's just shocking that an adult can think that's OK.

@nimbuscloud he's so laid back he's basically horizontal he thinks one pair of jeans and a few short sleeves tops are okay. Until those tops get holes in them or he's freezing in the winter he's not bothered but I am. So I do buy him jumpers coats etc shoes as he runs around in the same old pair as he's not bothered what people think. @nanbread I'm not sure 40 on phone 30-40 a week cigarettes and I guess he buys video games the odd time. I supose with Christmas he's buying his family gifts but it's like if he sees money in his account he thinks he has to spend it he has no savings. Things are okay I just prioritise differently now before I wouldn't mind doing anything for him spending whatever now I just want to make our baby is provided for and can get to experience holidays etc so priorities changed I guess.
@Bluntness100 Ive mentioned to him about another job but he's not keen. His mum agrees he suffers with bad anxiety and is dyslexic so he would struggle elsewhere. Even a shop assistant would earn more. I earn enough but I pay so much out in tax +ni its crazy 600 plus student loan 150 and pension 250 so left with the 1550 approx where as he pays like 65 tax and ni combined it doesn't seem right. I genuinely don't think he does it on purpose I just think he doesn't realise how much it all comes to because he's never had to sit down and work it out. I was tempted to transfer some of the direct debits over to his account but I'd be worried they would bounce and not get paid

I think when you're a family with children you should both have the same disposable income per month so work it out based on what's left and work backwards as to how much each pay.

It makes no sense at all if he earns less but gets more to spend!

The bills you both have (including childcare) should be split proportionately.

His first child expenses then come out of what he has left.

He is not contributing a fair share to raising your child.

However, he's contributing a quarter of what he "gives" to you towards raising his older child. That is disgusting. Why did you have a child with a man who didn't even provide properly for his existing child?

Don't do the joint account, or if you do make it for household bills only and keep the rest separate. Include baby costs, including nursery, in the bills.
Don't have another baby with this guy.
Stop buying him clothes. Winter is coming, he'll get cold soon enough and buy something himself.

Not keen, eh? Funny that!

Time he quit smoking. He can’t afford it.

Transfer £900 of his wages into a joint account. Leave him with £100 non essential spending money per month. Put £900 in there yourself.

Pay all bills and food and baby requirements from that pot.

Anything left over, he gets half back.

Anything in your own account is yours to save or spend as you please.

Job done.

@Mmn654123

Not keen, eh? Funny that!

Time he quit smoking. He can’t afford it.

Transfer £900 of his wages into a joint account. Leave him with £100 non essential spending money per month. Put £900 in there yourself.

Pay all bills and food and baby requirements from that pot.

Anything left over, he gets half back.

Anything in your own account is yours to save or spend as you please.

Job done.

And his other child??

Do not have a joint account with him. You could have a bills account you each put half into to pay all the bills including nursery. I would not have another child with him. Stop buying him clothes. Honestly this is really bad. You are carrying another adult

I don’t think you mentioned child benefit? Do you get that?

I would suggest paying in to a joint account just for bills, amount to be based on the ratio of earnings.

As is frequently told to women on here, pay towards bills in proportion with earnings, so I make that 662 him and 878 you.

You need to sit down together, work out a budget and include eveything on it. I like this one:
www.moneysavingexpert.com/banking/budget-planning/

Why is your tax so high?

So he spends more on cigarettes in a month than he does on his older child????
He’s a absolute shit
What on earth do you find attractive about him???

Sorry - but why is your tax & ni 600£ a month? Something is wrong there

So you saw him contributing £100 to raise the child he's already got, and thought there's a tight-fisted, irresponsible loser who'll make such a great father for my children ...
Is there a global shortage of men with functional dicks that you couldn't have set your sights higher?

And his tax of course is lower as he seems to earn fuck all. Seriously when you were on mat leave he should have gotten his act together and tried to get a better job or an extra job and a bit more money together to support you both.

Does this guy have any redeeming qualities?

What is your tax code (its normally on your payslip). It should be something like 1250L but I wonder if you are on the incorrect code and too much tax is being deducted.

He doesn’t sound like he has any grasp on the financial of providing a house or raising children. Has he ever lived alone and paid the bills, he come across like a lodger, pays his board and the rest is not his responsibility. I spend more on my two pets a week than he does on his first child and realistically he is not paying anything towards his second as the 400 doesn’t even scratch the surface.

Also your student loan deductions seem high. If you are repaying £150/month that would seem to indicate that you have a salary of circa £40k as you only pay 9% on any earnings above £19,390 ( and thats only if your course started before 2012, if it started after that you should be paying even less). By my calculations you are only earning around £30k. I know this isn't your question but it is worth checking all your deductions are correct.

I fail go see how a relationship could survive this level of selfishness. How could he possibly think this is fair or right.

Your partner should be paying at least another hundred for his first child and give you an additional £150. I assume you are living together. He needs to smoke less and contribute more. You should tell him that. Stop buying his clothes. He is not a baby let him buy his own clothes. Tell him to get a second job. Don't have another child with him.

I, like other posters, think this is a relationship that may not last. So, with that in mind, here is your action plan:

1. You each pay 50% of all bills (rent/c-tax/elec/tv license/whatever)

1. Set up a separate joint account. Do NOT put your entire salary in there. You both transfer the same amount in there and both top up the same amount if and when necessary.

1. The joint account is for bills, food, and ALL baby expenses. The stuff that should be 50/50.

1. Stop buying him clothes.