Son says TA is picking on him

[paul2louise]

My son is in year 5. He had a TA in year 3 and last year in year 4 and she is with his class again in year 5. He has said that she picks on him. He was upset last year with her and I complained at parents evening. His teacher last year was nice but a bit soft and it all got brushed away and then we went into lockdown. I have been asking him how year 5 is since start of term and he seemed happy. This morning I said we needed to leave for school . I asked him did he want a coat and he said yes because if I don't have a coat Mrs? will shout at me. Its actually a nice day so didn't see that he really did need a coat. So I spoke to him a bit more about it and he started crying. He said she tells him off because his tray is at the bottom and he has to sit on the floor to reach it. She tells him he needs to move. She tells him off for talking but not the ones talking to him. Other bits and bobs. He is not a sensitive child. He loves his teacher and year 5 so he isn't unhappy at school just with this TA. He brushes most stuff off. However I find her very rude. I have worked at school for 5 years as lunchtime assistant and she talked to me with no respect on a few occasions.
So having spent 6 weeks doing an anti bullying course I felt really cross that this is happening. I don't think the school really deals with stuff. The head likes things to go away.
So without getting hot headed and following my course advice how should I deal with this. The biggest thing I have learned from my course is that parents either go mad and confront the situation all guns blazing or put it off. Neither is the right thing.

When I was a teacher we occasionally used to get children transferring from other schools because they were being picked on. It usually became clear very quickly why they were being 'picked on' at their old school.

This may, of course, not be true in the OP's case. There are people in every profession who shouldn't be doing it but a teacher or TA who is in the wrong job would be more likely to be bad tempered with everyone rather than just one child. I have met bad teachers but never one that took it out on one child in particular.

Is your opinion of this woman and the school affecting your judgement ? I think it.comes across that it is.

@CaptainMyCaptain

When I was a teacher we occasionally used to get children transferring from other schools because they were being picked on. It usually became clear very quickly why they were being 'picked on' at their old school.

This may, of course, not be true in the OP's case. There are people in every profession who shouldn't be doing it but a teacher or TA who is in the wrong job would be more likely to be bad tempered with everyone rather than just one child. I have met bad teachers but never one that took it out on one child in particular.

Pardon? You think that children deserve to be bullied because of their behaviour? Awful sentiment.

Pardon? You think that children deserve to be bullied because of their behaviour? Awful sentiment.
You misunderstand me. My use of quotation marks was to say they weren't actually being picked on at all but being disciplined for their bad behaviour. I can't imagine why you would think I'd be in favour of bullying.

@flaviaritt

any child who is well behaved and polite doesn't get told off because they are well behaved and polite).

And this is always the crux for me. Do these ‘incidents’ of ‘picking on’ children happen to overlap with incidents of misbehaviour? How many adults are going to look at a child doing what they should be doing or have been asked to do, and challenge them on it for no reason? What would be the point?

Not many , but some teachers dont pick their battles and pick up on every slightest thing w child does due to negative experience with them. For what it's worth , I don't agree with the OP, but I do think it goes on more than you think that therl teacher escalates a situation.

@CaptainMyCaptain

Pardon? You think that children deserve to be bullied because of their behaviour? Awful sentiment. You misunderstand me. My use of quotation marks was to say they weren't actually being picked on at all but being disciplined for their bad behaviour. I can't imagine why you would think I'd be in favour of bullying.

Yep, I misunderstood. Apologies. But I do feel for kids moving from schools when they already have a reputation.

Not many , but some teachers dont pick their battles and pick up on every slightest thing w child does due to negative experience with them.

As a teacher, “picking your battles” means allowing some kids to get away with bad behaviour. The standard of behaviour expected needs to be the same for all the children. It is not bullying or picking on anyone to make this expectation clear.

Yep, I misunderstood. Apologies. But I do feel for kids moving from schools when they already have a reputation.
I can assure you I always did my best to give them the benefit of any doubt.

@flaviaritt

any child who is well behaved and polite doesn't get told off because they are well behaved and polite).

And this is always the crux for me. Do these ‘incidents’ of ‘picking on’ children happen to overlap with incidents of misbehaviour? How many adults are going to look at a child doing what they should be doing or have been asked to do, and challenge them on it for no reason? What would be the point?

To clarify the TA that I insisted was removed from my dd's support didn't pick on my dd because she was misbehaving or not working she picked on my dd because she was a nasty piece of work. She was removed because she stupidly told a teacher that I had complained about how the teacher had treated my dd in a previous lesson when I had no idea what on earth she was on about.Teacher was known to be fierce and dd was scared of her anyway. She then wrote in dd's communication book that she had raised my concerns with the teacher who would contact me. I spoke to the teacher and we ascertained that dd wasn't even in the lesson that the TA alleged I had complained about. I sent a copy of the communication book to the HT asking that he read and establish where I had complained about a teacher and highlighted the TA's comment. Teacher also spoke to HT. I asked that she was removed as I considered it a betrayal of trust and I didn't want dd's wellbeing in the hands of someone who behaved as she had. She was removed and I received an apology.

I'm so glad that this is a confidential forum.
Some TAs are arseholes.
They are not qualified teachers, and mostly have appallingly low levels of empathy. I have seen some awful bullying.

Do all you can to stop it.
See the head.
Move school if necessary.
Your child's welfare and mental health must be your priority.

hiredandsqueak

Wasn’t sure I quite got that, to be honest. Seems a bizarre way for an adult to choose to bully a kid anyway.

My point stands: I believe this sort of (alleged) ‘picking on’ children by adults to be extremely rare.

Sit up straight! You're forever lolling. Stop doing that!
Why don't you have a pencil.
Where's your pencil get it out. I told you to sit up straight. Stop tapping! I told you to try this.
Get your tray. No not like that. Where's your coat. No youre not leaving. (Sorry miss..says the child) You'll miss play if you forget your coat again.

Imagine all above said ad infinitum in a harsh exasperated mean voice.
To a child.
I have little time for TAs and their 'teaching style'.

Yes thankfully, it's rare. Most teachers and ta's do a wonderful job, and God knows the TAs aren't in it for the money. But, there is a small but persistent minority who take against certain kids. And an even smaller minority who really shouldn't work in schools because they really don't seem to like children. I really hope OP gets this sorted.

He doesn't have favourites either, any child who is well behaved and polite doesn't get told off because they are well behaved and polite).

I wish that were true, my DS is a very well mannered, polite, well behaved child and had a teacher who made his life a misery. She just didn’t get him, and singled him out at every opportunity - noticed by kids in his class who talked to their parents about JellyJunior getting screamed at by the teacher. I raised it with the school and with the teacher concerned who basically defended her behaviour.

He has had no problems in the years before her class, or with his teacher this year who describes him as a joy to have in class. I believe my child when he says she just didn’t like him.

I’d raise it with the school in terms of being worried about his wellbeing and explore what he should expect from him TA in terms of guidance and support. I wouldn’t assume he’s lying.

Go straight to the head it will be more effective and say you want to speak to the governors if this TA is not removed and dealt with as clearly she is still behaving in a negative manner

🙄😂😂😂

I have little time for TAs and their 'teaching style'.

I have never come across a TA (or any member of staff in a school) talking to children like this other than SLT on a ‘learning walk’, underlining the standards of the school to a sloppy class of teenagers.

@flaviaritt The TA had been picking at dd for weeks only it was only ever dd's word against hers. I suspect there was animosity between the teacher and the TA. Teacher had a reputation for being pretty fierce although she was always ok with dd who was able and perfectly well behaved. I was known to be tricky complain quoting the law and copy in LA if the provision in dd's EHCP wasn't provided so it wasn't a stretch that I would complain. I think she expected the teacher to berate dd first (she had a hair trigger temper) and then speak to me where it would be dismissed as a misunderstanding but the damage to dd would have been done.

Jellycatspyjamas
You've selectively quoted from my post.
I've never doubted that sometimes members of staff can have a grudge or issue. My point that you've selectively quoted is that genuine issues of a member of staff being unpleasant are vastly, vastly outnumbered by cases where badly behaved or rude students falsely claim they are being targeted or picked on or teachers never tell their favourites off because they don't like being told to behave.

Boatonthehorizon What are you on about you absolute moron.

Please tell me that you don’t work in a school.

Operation Yewtree probably should check out Herr Drosselmeyer

Oops. Sorry thought this was the Nutcracker thread

LucilleBluth
I believe they are trying to paint a picture of a mean TA having the audacity to tell a child to behave in a way appropriate for the classroom.

So whereas everyone with common sense knows that a child can either go to their tray, do what is needed and return, some will take a detour or mess around or take their time and claim they're 'just getting something from a tray', thay poster is trying to create an image of a picky TA barking at a student who obviously wouldn't have done anything wrong.

@flaviaritt

Not many , but some teachers dont pick their battles and pick up on every slightest thing w child does due to negative experience with them.

As a teacher, “picking your battles” means allowing some kids to get away with bad behaviour. The standard of behaviour expected needs to be the same for all the children. It is not bullying or picking on anyone to make this expectation clear.

No it doesn't. It means not jumping on children straight away for things that if a wee quiet kid did it you wouldn't. It happens.

@Boatonthehorizon

I'm so glad that this is a confidential forum. Some TAs are arseholes. They are not qualified teachers, and mostly have appallingly low levels of empathy. I have seen some awful bullying.

Do all you can to stop it.
See the head.
Move school if necessary.
Your child's welfare and mental health must be your priority.

Some teachers are arseholes. Some parents are arseholes. Some posters are arseholes, it would appear.

What has them not being qualified teachers got to do with it? TAs are life savers. often more graft for less pay and they get outdated nonsense like that peddled for their troubles.

He needs to take a coat to school even if he chooses not to wear it at school. Its a rule in my children primary school that all children must bring a decent coat every day no matter what the weather. You are setting him up to fail by not sending him in with a coat.

I would ask that his tray be moved if he cant access it without sitting on the floor. He is year 5 so that's 9/10, unless he has medical condition he really does not need to sit on the floor and block everyone else.

Could your own opinion of this TA be clouding your view?

Talking to his teacher is the first step, to clarify what exactly is going on.

Your child could be becoming more sensitive as he is getting older. Perhaps he is disruptive? Perhaps the TA has a grudge. Your only going to know by chatting to teacher.

He may need an IEP put in place if he is struggling with self management and strategies out in place to help him.

Only then if your not happy you approach the principle.