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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to ignore friend's advice at the moment - she thinks I should see GP about DS's development?

82 replies

ShimmylikeJoanHolloway · 12/11/2020 09:05

Before I start I'll just say, I'm not cross with my friend at all, it comes from a very good place without malice. Her DS is autistic, but it took them a LONG time to get in the system and get a diagnosis because signs weren't picked up on til much later on.

So she's genuinely well intentioned and trying to help.
However she has only seen DS over Zoom calls since the first lockdown started, and despite a few things she's raised I'm not overly worried - however I AM a bit worried that perhaps I am being too laid back and I should heed her advice more hence me posting on here.
He's ten and a half months and I think I should give it time as it's too young to isolate any red flag behaviours, but I accept I could be wrong and not wanting to see these things.

Things she's flagged:

  • He twirls his wrists. He's done this since about seven months like he's conducting a mini orchestra.
  • He doesn't point at the moment. He sometimes follows my point if he's not distracted but not all the times.
  • He wasn't waving - but I think he's just started, he was opening and closing his hand at a worker in Tesco yesterday when she was waving at him. He also 'high fives' and if you say 'kisses' and kiss his palm, then say 'again' he will hold his palm up for more.
  • He doesn't mimic as such. However he will smile back at you if you smile at him, and we do a little goldfish mouth thing at him which he will do back. But those are the only other things he'll copy at the moment.
  • He doesn't spoon feed himself - he used to but won't now, he will guide the spoon in
  • He doesn't hand toys to me or follow an instruction to get a particular toy - we haven't really practised this, I'm going to start
  • He doesn't really have stranger danger, he's a very smiley and sociable little boy and is happy to go to other people. BUT if I'm in the room he will grumble and try to get to me, even if it's DH holding him.
  • He doesn't really gesture, aside from lifting his arms and bouncing to be picked up.
  • He loves toys that have flaps or doors you can open and close
  • He's not saying any words yet but does a lot of mama, baba and sounds and is very vocal with these. *He's fascinated by a particular light in our house and grins at it whenever it's turned on or off - only that light though (I think this is pretty normal for babies, he's done it since he was tiny and isn't bothered by other lights).

I'm not worried as:
He's easily distracted
He responds to his name
He will find a toy if I hide it under a muslin (providing he hasn't got lots of other toys within reach and isn't distracted
He places things inside a pot and takes them out
He's very smiley and sociable
Although he loves the light he doesn't sit staring at it
He's constantly looking for me and will be playing, then crawl over and look at me, will check I'm watching when he's playing, looks to us when he's done something he's pleased with
He's developing in other areas really well so I think he's focused on physical rather than communication at the moment - he's pulling up, cruising, trying to stand, crawling, sitting (clumisly) from standing and sitting from crawling.
His pincer grip is good and he feeds himself with his hand, is a good eater and not fussed by different textures

Nothing he's doing seems to be a huge red flag to me, especially when I think about the things he's grown out of previously, or how quickly he's progressed, but I don't know if I'm being willfully blinkard?

OP posts:
Snowbeau · 12/11/2020 09:08

That's a really young age. You'll have his one year check where the health visitor should check his development. I'd say that would be enough for now.

If things continue to concern you then you'll have the one year check details to refer back to to start building a story of his development

38weekswithno2 · 12/11/2020 09:09

I'm not a child development professional but he sounds perfectly typical to me.
Are you getting a 12 month check with a HV at all?

MatildaTheCat · 12/11/2020 09:09

She means well but her sounds delightful and well within normal boundaries.

ambereeree · 12/11/2020 09:09

How old is your DC?

Disappointedkoala · 12/11/2020 09:10

10.5 months? He sounds like a completely normal baby. I think your friend is projecting.

Gretchizilla · 12/11/2020 09:11

Sounds normal to me your child is still a baby. If you do have any concerns flag it up to your health visitor.

crochetcrazy1978 · 12/11/2020 09:13

He's still very young. I would keep an eye on him, my son has severe autism and was very similar to how you describe but then a lot of the things you mention are also in the normal range at this age. The paediatrician said to me that a key indicator for him is that by 18 months the child should be pointing at things then looking at you to see your response. My son didn't do this. As they gets older it gets easier to spot as it becomes apparent that they are reacting in a different way to other kids their age

Try not to worry but keep monitoring x

riotlady · 12/11/2020 09:14

Sounds perfectly fine to me!

LittleMissLockdown · 12/11/2020 09:16

@Disappointedkoala

10.5 months? He sounds like a completely normal baby. I think your friend is projecting.
I agree with this. It must be hard for her after all shes gone through but she shouldn't be worrying you unnecessarily and putting labels on such a small child who is acting perfectly normally.
Alexandernevermind · 12/11/2020 09:17

All babies develop differently. Your friend is being very unfair and I don't think her comments are coming from a well intentioned place. She is doing enough to make you anxious enough to ask here and I agree that she is projecting.

x2boys · 12/11/2020 09:19

I would say 10 .5 months is way to young to be concerned ,my son has severe autism and learning disabilities and at his 10 month check there were no concerns , certainly be aware but if there are any concerns they will become more apparent as he develops.

TheTrashBagIsOursCmonTrashBag · 12/11/2020 09:20

Your 10 month old baby has no stranger danger? Is that usually a thing at such a young age? Mine smiled at anyone who smiled at them as babies. I’m sure your friend is well meaning but she’s projecting loads.

My son has ASD- first picked up on aged 2 officially diagnosed age 5. Many of the things your friend is so concerned with didn’t apply to my son and he doesn’t have “mild” autism for want of a better word.

Whether there are issues or not your baby sounds lovely.

GreyishDays · 12/11/2020 09:22

I don’t think a dr would take you seriously at that age if there is lots of smiling and eye contact. Smile

ShimmylikeJoanHolloway · 12/11/2020 09:25

Thank you, I actually feel bad because I'm not too concerned and then thought what if I'm not seeing it because I don't want to see it if you see what i mean so thought I'd post here for a well rounded view.
She really hasn't intended it to be mean in any way, I've known her a long long time and she had a lot of stress with her DS before he was diagnosed so I think she's just trying to spare me that in her own way
I agree there is a probably a bit of projecting going on.

He was a little late to crawl and sit but does both happily now, and he was nearly a month early and seems to hit milestones towards the later end of normal - I've tried not to get caught up in them.

I guess because we haven't had baby groups etc and I haven't had much contact with other babies I thought posting here would be a good idea to see if my line of thinking was right.

I don't know about 12 year check up I haven't seen a health visitor since he was 8 weeks old. I haven't had any notification for one yet.

OP posts:
pumpkinpie01 · 12/11/2020 09:25

He sounds perfectly normal to me for his age.

hvnamechange2000 · 12/11/2020 09:26

He sounds like a normal 10 month old to me. Have you had is 9-12 month development check yet? If so what were his results and if not call your HV team to follow up, ask when it will be as your friend raised some concerns about his development and now you are worrying.

Just be honest with them and they will be able to help you.

ShimmylikeJoanHolloway · 12/11/2020 09:27

No we haven't had that check yet. Our health visitor service is useless to be honest, and since lockdown has been even worse

OP posts:
hvnamechange2000 · 12/11/2020 09:27

Sorry x post.

It's normal that you haven't seen a health visitor since 8 weeks, that's the last contact you would have had - you haven't missed any.

Call them to chat about his development check it will be coming up in the next few weeks I imagine.

LittleOwl153 · 12/11/2020 09:29

On the communication thing... is he an only child? If so then he isn't getting much social interaction currently I guess - as in lots of kids, baby groups etc. So he maybe has no need to attempt to talk as you understand what he needs.
My eldest was almost 2 and just starting preschool before she said very much. Once she started her language exploded and she needed to get across to others what she wanted.

If you are concerned try and speak to your health visitor, but I wouldn't worry at this point. Wait till he is nearer 18 months as things will be clearer and hopefully normal social interactions will have increased. 18months to 2yrs is still very early for most diagnosis anyway.

ShimmylikeJoanHolloway · 12/11/2020 09:29

Okay thanks, I'll give them a call

I'll practise a few things with him like instructing to get a particular toy etc as I haven't really done anything like that. He doesn't clap either but we haven't clapped much at him so will start that too.

OP posts:
hvnamechange2000 · 12/11/2020 09:30

Yes because our service is absolutely drowning and is chronically underfunded and understaffed. Sorry for your bad experience but sounds like you've had the contacts you should have had. It's up to you to reach out to them for support if you need it.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/oct/04/fears-for-mothers-and-babies-covid-19-health-visitor-crisis-mental-health-breastfeeding-england?CMP=ShareAndroidAppp_Other

ShimmylikeJoanHolloway · 12/11/2020 09:30

Yes he is an only child and none of our baby groups have reopened since they closed in march. We moved here last Christmas so I don't really have any mum friends with babies the same age either

OP posts:
ShimmylikeJoanHolloway · 12/11/2020 09:32

I wasn't referring to the lack of contact as being terrible regarding health visitors, I've actually had three really awful experiences with our health visitor service, one that was actually investigated afterwards
So I appreciate you being annoyed and I know they are understaffed but that wasn't my issue - sorry if it came across that way. It's widely reported in our region that a lot of women have been given bad advice/had bad experiences with our local health visitors so it's not just a flippant comment

OP posts:
hvnamechange2000 · 12/11/2020 09:39

Not annoyed at all, just letting you know to contact if concerned. The service is at breaking point.

A lot of what you explained sounds very normal, plus add in lack of contact with others over lockdown. For example the waving! He probably hasn't seen lots of people come and go to learn the 'wave bye bye' thing as he would have done.

Good to get him seen IRL though!!

SleepingStandingUp · 12/11/2020 09:40

If your baby needs the GP, I need two slots. My twins are pretty much the same age, 1 mid Dec. It all sounds normal.

And what's wrong with liking flappy floor toys and lights? That's WHY they make kids toys with flappy doors and lights, because babies love them, not to identify autism in under 1s