Sending kids to nursery

[ThatsBullshirt]

I have a small business from home and two small kids. DS1 is four and due to Covid we decided not to send him to nursery at the beginning of the school year. If we don't send him now he'll lose his spot and won't go at all. We knew that this was a possibility when we decided not to send him initially but now that our hand is being "forced" I don't know how to feel about it.

He would absolutely benefit from the social aspect of nursery. I think it's fair to say all kids do. He's fairly confident but takes a little while to warm up to people and is worried/scared to be away from me sometimes. Learning wise, I feel like he's doing pretty well from home.

My biggest issue obviously is covid. I know that they say transmission rates in the young is very low and if they do get it symptoms are very mild. But we are back in lockdown/on tiered systems now because the virus has gotten worse again. Worse than in August when we originally made the decision to keep him home as I am at home anyway. We do have elderly and vulnerable people in our family that I obviously want to keep as safe as possible.

Whilst I know that nursery is good for children in many ways, I never went and I turned out alright 😂 did fine academically at school, was shy but made friends pretty easily - and my son has 100x more confidence than I did at his age and probably do even now!

Am I being totally unreasonable to want to keep him home?

Can you weigh up the benefits to him v the potential risk to him?

Rather than to you??

Does he get any other social opportunities with other kids - technically in England kids should be social distancing outside school/nursery settings - but not in Scotland.

Presumably you were not at home all the time before school - visited friends, stayed over with cousins etc.

Are there any preschool age classes in your area - sports/music, would you do these or would it be just home with family.

I haven't sent my 2 year old to nursery because I want to limit the unnecessary disruption to my 5 year old's time at school and DH's work, but would definitely be sending a child with free hours - mostly I'd resent paying to spend extra time in self isolation - as first term at nursery generally sucks for germs! Less so in a 4 year old who doesn't lock/eat everything though!

Firstly, I'd like to point out that I am weighing up the risks and benefits to him but as I live with his younger brother, his dad who works in his small family-run business that would suffer from us having to self isolate, potentially close, I don't have the luxury of simply hoping the social interaction is worth it. Nevermind the family he comes into contact with that are vulnerable. The "potential risk" to me is actually the least of my concerns

We are not home all the time, even now. He has opportunities to interact with other children (mostly cousins) on a fairly frequent basis although not as frequently as before obviously, going with whatever restrictions are in place and the poorer weather.

Can he write his name and count and are you teaching him to read phonetically? Does he do a range of age suitable educational activities daily?
I think nursery is important at 4 to get used to the structure of there school day and being away from parents as much as the obviously important social & academic benefits. Has he ever spent days away from you?

If he’s 4 then I assume he’ll be starting school in September, I personally wouldn’t keep my DC at home until they start school. I think it’s too big a jump from 100% at home.

If you’re not comfortable then that’s your prerogative and you are entitled to do what you think is best for your family.

Personally mine are going to nursery because I have to work. They love it, both are super confident happy and spot on / ahead with development. I have a summer baby but have no concerns with it because of the positive influences of nursery.

The other thing is - if covid is still around next autumn (hopefully not!) then are you going to homeschool permanently?

Yes he can read and write his name. Has been able to do so for quite a few months. He can count to 100 and do simple addition and subtraction (he LOVES numbers). He knows his shapes and colours. I am teaching him to read phonetically. I have lots of resources from my sister who is a primary school teacher. Of course he has spent days away from me albeit they have been few and far between this year.

@2020iscancelled

If he’s 4 then I assume he’ll be starting school in September, I personally wouldn’t keep my DC at home until they start school. I think it’s too big a jump from 100% at home.

If you’re not comfortable then that’s your prerogative and you are entitled to do what you think is best for your family.

Personally mine are going to nursery because I have to work. They love it, both are super confident happy and spot on / ahead with development. I have a summer baby but have no concerns with it because of the positive influences of nursery.

The other thing is - if covid is still around next autumn (hopefully not!) then are you going to homeschool permanently?

He will be going to school next year regardless of the Covid situation. There is a very big difference, to me, in compulsory school and non-compulsory nursery. Not that it matters or has any bearing on this situation but as I say, I never went to nursery. I coped well making friends and being away from family albeit I was on the shy side. At primary school I was above average and maintained good grades throughout all of school. He's definitely more like his dad personality wise and he's super confident!

I think at this age learning the social skills is much more important than teaching the academics.

Not going to nursery will likely make the transition to school a lot harder for him when the vast majority of pupils will have had experience of mixing with other children and of doing so without parents arojnd.

He sounds very ahead academically.

We are in a similar boat with my husband’s business. We have had one period of isolation due to someone testing positive at my son’s preschool and it sent us into a spin due to the impact on the business. My husband did briefly suggest that we keep DS out of preschool and DD out of her ballet but I wasn’t happy about it and in the end we decided it was an over reaction but agreed we would reconsider if there were repeated periods of isolation.

I feel that with starting school next September, my son needs this period in preschool for the social aspect and also to get used to to the structure.

The social aspect and structure, whilst simply not being at home and creating space between me and him, is exactly why I am on the fence about it. If it was purely academics then I'd feel 100% confident in keeping him off to the new school year.

I think whatever decision you make now it will be fine. It’s not going to cause long term damage or anything to keep him off. On the other hand I know how much my son is enjoying his preschool this year and I would feel bad if he couldn’t go as it is a lot of fun and he has made some lovely friendships.

DD is 3.5 and academically probably has the skills for starting school, in terms of letters, numbers, shapes, problem solving etc.

Socially she's comfortable and brilliant at interacting with adults and she interacts confidently and happily with my friends' children.

However, put her in a room full of noisy children that she doesn't know and she's quite shy and doesn't really hold her own when she needs to.

It's this last point which was the decider for me on her returning to nursery. There's a lot I can do with her at home, but I can't provide the social side and the being one of a large group element of things.

In terms of safety, during lockdown DD's nursery had five key-worker children whose parents were all working on wards with Covid patients. There were no cases at the nursery. This is obviously a very small scale study but it helped to reassure me that, for whatever reason, nurseries are not a perfect breeding ground for Covid.

I’m a nursery teacher and a mother of a nursery aged child. You know the benefits of nursery but you’re also aware of the risk of COVID. I’ll just say why I made the decision to send my own daughter to nursery. I felt that with the lockdowns and yo-yo approach to all child friendly activities I felt that she needed the stimulation and social contact. With the best will in the world there’s only so much you can do at home especially during a lockdown where your range of places to visit e.g play cages, farms etc are closed. I wanted her to experience as much as she could in terms of play opportunities and social development this year and the best place to be to provide that was nursery. The risk to children her age from COVID is minimal so that didn’t really factor into the decision making process for me.

I can understand where you are coming from and honestly, the situation sucks. There are benefits to nursery but at the same time this isn’t a normal situation these are weird times and I think you should do what feels right for your family, don’t feel guilty about it either. As you said you never went and you turned out fine!

Cases are very very low in nurseries and childcare settings. We haven't had to isolate once since going back and that was in June.

I think you are doing him a bit of a disservice not sending him for the routine and social aspect at nursery. Forget the academics, my daughter will be going to school in September but I am not worried she can't write her name, but she plays with other children (not just alongside them) she shares beautifully and is really thoughtful with the younger ones. This is not all that easy to do in a home, especially in the current climate. Your son may have a massive shock when he starts full time school in September. Its all social cues from his age group that he will be missing out on. I would have a serious think.

Ha! Play cages! I meant play cafes*

You can only make the right decision for you but the difference in my 4 year old between being in lockdown and starting school nursery is like night and day. It's like a little light has been switched back on in him, that had slowly dulled during lockdown without me really noticing. Mine only goes 3.5 hours a day but it gives him the opportunity to experience things I can't provide for him, not least the access to other children.

Each child is different but I am so, SO glad mine is at nursery and being stretched and educated and encouraged and loved by a whole new set of people, children and adults.

I should caveat it by saying I live in a relatively low Covid risk area.

Ha! Play cages! I meant play cafes - I thought it was a term of affection for softplay places where you can throw your children in the netted cage while you sit and have coffee

My daughter would go crazy if I stopped her days at nursery. Especially as all her groups/activities have had to stop due to lockdown.
The risk of children becoming unwell from covid is tiny it really doesn't worry me at all. She has been at nursery throughout the lockdowns ( I work in a&e ) and other than the odd cold she has been fine.

YANBU in that you are worried about Covid and want to keep him home, and this is fine. Try and do activities for mark marking and writing his name etc at home. Also depends on his own development, nursery really does add to their social development.

However, the nursery ANBU that they need you to make a decision so that they can offer that place to a child that will be attending.

Not sure what you mean re risk to business of having to self-isolate? Do you mean if he picks up a cough/temp? My dds have missed 2 days school since Sept when my 7yo had a cough. If you mean due to contact with a positive case, it's only the contact not the whole household? The only risk of whole household isolation for 2 weeks is if one of you tests positive. I'm not sure that pre-school aged children are really picking up covid at nursery (seems much more likely to catch it at home) so seems unlikely him going to nursery would cause this. Obviously if he's prone to coughs or temps it might be a different situation. My 4yo (in reception) hasn't had to isolate for symptoms at all yet but has had to from contact with a positive case in her bubble - no one else caught it.

Many children attend school without having had any preschool or nursery education ! He is 4 years old for god's sake....in other countries there isn't even formal education at this age !
For what it's worth OP my DD did attend preschool from September 19 until early March when covid because a thing. (I have another child who went to school with no preschool education and they settled in straight away from day 1 and there has never been an issue) During that space of time due to her health she missed out on a lot of preschool infact she was off more than what she attended. We are currently home educating due to covid 19 and her own personal health issues we are also home ed our elder child due to covid 19. There has been no detriment to the children's education we are actively in contact with school and both children are meeting and excelling their targets.
Yes it may take her a little longer to settle in when she eventually starts school but at only 4 years old she has many many many years ahead of her for that to happen !

@ramblingsonthego

Cases are very very low in nurseries and childcare settings. We haven't had to isolate once since going back and that was in June.

I think you are doing him a bit of a disservice not sending him for the routine and social aspect at nursery. Forget the academics, my daughter will be going to school in September but I am not worried she can't write her name, but she plays with other children (not just alongside them) she shares beautifully and is really thoughtful with the younger ones. This is not all that easy to do in a home, especially in the current climate. Your son may have a massive shock when he starts full time school in September. Its all social cues from his age group that he will be missing out on. I would have a serious think.

I think saying I am doing him a "serious disservice" is a bit strong. I'm not doing anything harmful to him in trying to keep him, my family and our livelihoods well. And clearly I am having a "serious think" or would have jumped to a decision in one way or another. To imply I am not is unfair.

@INeedNewShoes

Ha! Play cages! I meant play cafes - I thought it was a term of affection for softplay places where you can throw your children in the netted cage while you sit and have coffee

Ah the good old days 😉

@Jelly0naplate

YANBU in that you are worried about Covid and want to keep him home, and this is fine. Try and do activities for mark marking and writing his name etc at home. Also depends on his own development, nursery really does add to their social development.

However, the nursery ANBU that they need you to make a decision so that they can offer that place to a child that will be attending.

I absolutely agree. In no way do I feel the nursery are being unreasonable. They have been absolutely more than fair. I only wish they were able to wait until the new year where we could assess how well these breakers have gone. This is not their fault and don't blame them at all.