Tinder expierence

[Leonardo87]

I want to see what others think regarding my recent expierence and if I have over reacted.

I have been so low since this happened - and I am beginning to think my awful luck in love is really all my fault.

I am 33/F and matched with a 37/M who is in the same field as work as me.

Long rant I am sorry but so upset.

This was about six weeks ago. Initially (first week) he was very attentive - lots of messaging, three dates first week, compliments and following through. No conversations regarding expectations or relationship - just going with the flow.

He is very sexual and pushed for sex on fourth date (one week after me had initially met). On the fifth date we had full sex and I stayed over - I could feel a shift straight away as I left his flat the next morning.
The next day communication changed - did not reply to my message until 10pm.

Since that point communication was OK
Continued to be intimate but I noticed a pattern
He was coming round about 8/9pm at shorter notice, messaging less.

A couple of weeks ago I initiated a conversation - regarding how things are going. He said he was not seeing anyone else and wanted to see how things went, he felt we clicked on some levels and not on others. Fine. I said we will check in a few weeks time. Since that conversation things got worse.
I explained I would find it hard to continue to be intimate with someone going forward without a commitment.

Past two weeks hardly any communication from him at the weekends - I seen him last two Friday nights
I seen him last Friday and the next morning HE ASKED ME TO LEAVE - I was humiliated. Few comments which were weird - he poured me a glass of wine and I said ‘thats small’, he said ‘I dont want you to get fat’.

Last Friday was weirder - he came over after 8, stayed and again a bit awkward the next morning. He pointed at my skin and said ‘what are those yuck’ - I said spots due to wearing face mask. He said I dont have them and I wear mask? My employees dont have them either. I was like shocked.

Hardly any communication over this weekend - I texted him Saturday, one or two messages back - I texted him Sunday again. One day he went 1-2 days off silence.

Not a word on Monday.
I was so frustated - I messaged calmly to call things off.

He seemed shocked. Although certainly did not fight to keep the connection going.

Any thoughts on this scenario? Any words of support or encouragement to keep dating. I was devasted last night - driving home from work crying - It always seem to be the same scenario - I meet a guy things go well, well until their behaviour does not add up and I do a runner.

He is an arse. You let him treat you badly despite red flags. Don't be sad be angry.

To be blunt - he only wanted sex, he didn't want a relationship.

I would assume he's found another option where he doesn't have to pretend to put in any effort.

Next time you meet a man who pushes for sex when you are not ready - walk away.

My best friend said the same - she said I should be so angry.

You met on Tinder
Its not known for long-term relationships
Pay to join a better site

@lyralalala

To be blunt - he only wanted sex, he didn't want a relationship.

I would assume he's found another option where he doesn't have to pretend to put in any effort.

Next time you meet a man who pushes for sex when you are not ready - walk away.

I'm always this is exactly it. He wanted sex, as soon as he got what he wanted he didn't feel he needed to make any more effort.

He treated you well while he was on his best behaviour hoping for sex.

Once he'd got what he wanted, he relapsed into his normal behaviour.

You very sensibly called it off because he was being a dick.

Carry on dating - wishing you better luck in the future.

Sounds like half the men on tinder unfortunately.

Three dates in a week is a lot, sounds like he was trying to get you through the "three date rule" ASAP!

I'm so sorry to hear about your experience. I had a lot of shitty experiences through Internet dating and it's very demoralising. Well done though for dumping him! In terms of advice I would suggest two things: 1) make yourself less available - three dates in a week is two too many (sex or no sex). 2) don't put all your eggs in one basket - keep it casual with a few options (sex or no sex!) I say this with great compassion as I really do understand how hard it is. Keep going, someone will eventually surprise you in a good way!

Honestly he sounds like an absolute arse. Why would you even want to be in a relationship with this man?!

You made the right choice to end things. He made you feel bad about yourself and felt he had a right to comment negatively on your appearance.

Unfortunately there are men who believe they are entitled to sex with women and don’t need to make an effort or treat romantic partners with respect.

No advice I’m afraid but well done for recognising he was a shithouse and cutting it off.

OP with the greatest respect, run the fuck away now
He sounds like a controlling, snide, Bellend
He has done you a favour even if it doesn't feel like it right now

I may be old but I was under the impression Tinder was sort of the app for casual sex rather than relationships.

So: meet someone, it goes really well initially, then you get to know them better / spot flaws / witness poor behaviour, decide to call it off.

That’s just dating!
It goes well - until it doesn’t.

So I’d step away from the woe is me - no, it’s not your fault, no, you don’t have bad luck.

The good bit reading that is that you chucked him.
The bad bit is that there were certainly opportunities earlier when it would have been wise to.

I’d say - carry on dating, but dump sooner. And don’t have sex with anyone who pressures you. If you need intimacy - you need intimacy. So why have sex before you feel those intimacy? I’ve got no moral issue here, I’ve had some fab non-committed fun. But if that’s not what you’re after - don’t have sex until you’re further down the line.

Did he have a good reason to ask you to leave, that time?

@Cocomarine

So: meet someone, it goes really well initially, then you get to know them better / spot flaws / witness poor behaviour, decide to call it off.

That’s just dating!
It goes well - until it doesn’t.

So I’d step away from the woe is me - no, it’s not your fault, no, you don’t have bad luck.

The good bit reading that is that you chucked him.
The bad bit is that there were certainly opportunities earlier when it would have been wise to.

I’d say - carry on dating, but dump sooner. And don’t have sex with anyone who pressures you. If you need intimacy - you need intimacy. So why have sex before you feel those intimacy? I’ve got no moral issue here, I’ve had some fab non-committed fun. But if that’s not what you’re after - don’t have sex until you’re further down the line.

Did he have a good reason to ask you to leave, that time?

He ‘had things to do’ IE put the recycling bins out.

@MillieVanilla

OP with the greatest respect, run the fuck away now He sounds like a controlling, snide, Bellend He has done you a favour even if it doesn't feel like it right now

I may be old but I was under the impression Tinder was sort of the app for casual sex rather than relationships.

Yes thats why I did! 😂 it is just hurtful learning it is another failed dating encounter.

Tinder is full of frogs like this. I hear lots from friends who have used it and I only know one who is in a long term relationship off the back of Tinder. The rest just seemed to meet crazy people tbh .

Ditch him and use a better dating site. I think he just wanted sex.

He wanted a shag. As soon as you out out he lost interest.

It happens.

You’ve had a lucky escape he sounds like a controlling, up his own arse, cock nostril.

The spots and wine/fat comments make him sound like an immature, horrible, shallow, nasty prick. Unfortunately they are ten a penny in this world. Take notice of these behaviours and realise you’re too good for that shit.

Don’t feel bad, he’s the arsehole. I hope you enjoyed the sex that you two had together at least! It’s horrible when you feel something proper might be about to start and then the rug is pulled from you.

Maybe you just need to watch like a hawk for red flags of arseholeness before getting too attached/your hopes up.

But I have been there and I know it fucking sucks. Please drink a shitload of wine 🍷

There have always been men like this, way before internet dating or social media. Good for you for getting rid, he's a user and will repeat this pattern ad infinitum and end up alone. You are strong, so put this down as experience and walk with your head held high.

He sounds horrible, well done for dumping him

If in doubt, don't put out

Guys thank you SO MUCH for all your encouragement - he was fairly manipulative when I called it off - ‘I have your Christmas present, I would prefer to end things face to face but if thats your communication style then so be’. I then called him, straight to divert. I said I will talk things through with you or happy to meet face to face to staighten things out / tell you my side of how I was feeling. He said ‘I cannot get past being dumped by text message - I will never look at you in the same way again’.

I could not believe it.

It isn't a failure, you've learned a lot from this.

Know your worth, don't shag someone who makes you feel like crap, if commitment is important to you then make sure you have that before sex, and run away at the first red flag.

It sounds like he was negging you towards the end tbh.

Voted YANBU btw, sounds like he was just after something casual and non-commital. Once there, just use you for the best bits (physical intimacy) and make half arsed effort otherwise. He will be looking for a new lady to do the same with straight away. I'd advise you move on similarly.

And that he ‘frankly, did not want to talk’ he seemed very surprised.