Bit of background, been with my OH for 2.5 years, lived together for almost a year. We’re saving for a house.
We’ve had ongoing arguments because he drinks quite a lot of a week (in my opinion). It seems like he drinks every second day so one week it’ll be 4 days out the week and the next week it will be 3 days, if you’re counting out of seven. He’ll drink a bottle of buckfast and 4 cans of beer each time. He doesn’t eat when he’s been drinking so if there’s dinner planned, I eat alone. I don’t drink during the week and I’ve lost interest in doing it every weekend now. When we first got together we would get drunk in the house or go to the pub each weekend and a good time was had. He also used to drink every single night when he was married as a way to deal with how miserable his life was. This is a habit he got into and although he has cut down now, it irks me that he still drinks quite a lot.
After a huge fight over September weekend when he went out drinking to wet his friends new baby’s head and didn’t text or call to let me know he was staying out for 2 days, he promised he would stay off the alcohol to prove to me that he didn’t need it. He did do this but it seems like in the 2/3 weeks since that month ended he’s reverted right back to drinking every second night. I don’t enjoy being intimate with him when he’s drunk and I’m sober so our sex life has taken a big dip. And it’s also been affected because we always end up arguing about how often he drinks so we can go days not talking which also obviously affects intimacy. He’s a bad snorer anyway but after a drink he’s worse. I have a sleep disorder so I really need my sleep so him disrupting it with his drunken snoring is seriously annoying.
Apart from this one thing, we have a really good relationship. The month he spent off the drink was brilliant, no arguments, our sex life got back to the way it was in the beginning and we seemed to reconnect and I enjoyed spending time with him and just chatting and having dinner together, going to bed together at the same time etc. I felt excited by him again instead of dreading him coming home with a carry out.
He really is a good guy, he’s funny, kind, very hardworking, a good dad to his daughter, he’s more than helpful to my family, he joins in and makes an effort, we get on so well when we’re not arguing about his drinking and I know he loves me more than anything.
I guess my question is, does his drinking seem excessive to anyone else or have I just got a bee in my bonnet about it because of issues with his hard partying in the very early days of our relationship, I’ve equated it with him being disrespectful and prioritising drinking over my feelings in the relationship?
I do feel like I’m being slightly unreasonable, he works hard, is out the door at 6am every day and doesn’t get back till after 5 every night. But I just feel like every second night is a tad excessive.
I wouldn’t mind one night during the week and a night at the weekend and then I could join him. But I feel like because he does it so often, it puts me off enjoying joining in even when I do feel like it.