I need help and I dont know where to start. Please bear with me while I try to explain.
When I met DH we had the conversation and said 2 children would be all we need.
Well here we are, 2 beautiful children (3 and 1) best things to ever happen..but... I want a 3rd, at least I think I do.
I have this massive longing inside of me to carry another baby, I want to be pregnant, I want to give birth, and a small part of me wants another baby in the house but my DH is dead set against it and wants the snip when covid has stopped taking over our lives.
I was really Ill in my 2nd pregnancy with sickness and due to other medical problems I had to be careful when giving birth. I also have a history of depression and anxiety which rears its head every so often... normally when I am getting my period.
But my heart aches to have 1 more baby.
Financially it makes 0 sense, additional childcare, schools, due to ages we would potentially need a bigger car cause of car seats. Holidays would be a no go, at least nothing above camping (which i have no issue with per se) we wouldnt get government help and although we are just managing now a 3rd would tip us over the edge.
Also the house would be a squish but doable.
I also dont know if I can do the late nights, breast feeding, nappy changes, potty training etc. For a 3rd time. Age is not on my side. I am on the path to 40 and my husband is over 40.
Logically and financially it makes no sense for us to have another baby. I have also passed on or sold all the early baby equipment and alot of the clothes.
But I cant get this feeling in my heart and my stomach that I want to have another baby. Its causing me so much upset and my husband doesnt get it. He cant get his head round why i feel this way and honestly I cant either. I dont know what to do.
I am sat here holding my baby girl crying over something I dont have and will never have. When they are asleep and I just cuddle them I think I could do this all again.
It also pisses me off that every month I have to bleed and go through an emotional rollercoaster and it means nothing. Why can't there be a button to turn it off.
I am so grateful for what I do have. My husband is loyal and loving, and my girls make me laugh and smile every day (as well as make me hide in the cupboard with a pack of bourbons) but that feeling is still there .
Can anyone help? Can you relate and have you managed to get over it? I don't know what to do and i cant talk to my DH cause he just thinks I am badgering him to have another baby. 