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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What makes you privileged - financially

234 replies

IknoIkno · 10/11/2020 18:42

Name changed.
I know we are in the worst pandemic since World War 2 and all.

I talked to a childhood friend earlier and she said(in a huff) I am financially privileged because I do not have a set budget for day-to-day expenses.

Is there such a thing as financial privilege?
To think it is the go-to defence for those with poor personal finances plans

OP posts:
NancysDream · 10/11/2020 21:04

The really privileged get to make mistakes with impunity.
Can you imagine fucking up and still being successful enough in life that your friends don't sit around thinking "well you did make a bad decision in 1995" every time you have the gall to complain about your own life or pull you up on your BS

montygee · 10/11/2020 21:04

Both sets of our parents are immigrants who come from absolutely nothing, I know what poverty is in their home countries. My mum left her family at 16 & moved abroad just to help them & give herself better opportunities. I 100% privileged compared to her.

ArcheryAnnie · 10/11/2020 21:05

I've never had a lot of money, but there's been times in my life where I know I can walk into a coffee shop and order a coffee without checking the price, and times in my life where I really, really haven't been able to walk into a coffee shop at all. Knowing I can buy a coffee any time I like without it affecting what I buy for the rest of the week is my personal "I am financially privileged" line, but I'd never call it that.

HateIsNotGood · 10/11/2020 21:07

CBFTRTWT - Couldn't Be Fucked To Read The Whole Thread. Yes, financial help, inheritance, etc is a privilege. But then there are so many other things that come with 'family' that are as important if not more s.o than any advantage that financial privilege gives a person.

It's those that have neither financial help nor family to help them in life that i give more concern too.

urbansprawl · 10/11/2020 21:07

Oh nob off, OP.

Inherited wealth, or financial support from family, are financial privilege.

I'm a relatively high earner and work long hours (as do lots of people who aren't high earners). I see my privilege there as coming from a few places: I'm lucky to be academic, I grew up in a family that valued education, and my family helped me make 'sensible' A-level and degree choices that fed naturally into my line of work. I was eligible for financial support at uni, and I wasn't exactly flush with cash, but I could concentrate on studying instead of stressing about money. My health isn't ideal, but it doesn't interfere with my work. I'm white. I don't doubt that my current salary largely opened up to me because of those factors.

I'm financially fortunate, but I think my privilege that got me here came from social factors.

I have financially privileged friends who can do jobs they enjoy without any consideration for the salary. But if I stopped working tomorrow, I'd have to sell my flat in 6 months or so, and in a few years I'd be broke.

rwalker · 10/11/2020 21:07

I would say we're comfortable house paid for but the only reason I'm in this postion is I bought a house when I was 18 had 4 jobs to pay for it

when friends were at the bar getting pissed I was behind it working. They had flash cars I didn't went aboard once when I was 25 missed out on loads as I was working .kept mortgage term over same length when moved high mortgage payments over short term .

Pisses me off when they say I'm lucky I don't have a mortgage nobody gave me anything and find it fucking rude .

stackemhigh · 10/11/2020 21:11

Exactly @HateIsNotGood , having a two parent family, having educated parents, having your own room or sharing with just one sibling, parent/s having a nice home that you’re not ashamed to bring friends to - these are all huge advantages that many don’t realise are privileges.

Bambam2019 · 10/11/2020 21:15

I believe I have been ‘privilaged’ all my life. Growing up, even with a single mother I never personally felt any worse off than friends at school who had two parents present. Of course my mother, and my grandparents who have always been exceptionally supportive financially had to work very vey hard to provide that lifestyle, though I am fully aware many people around the world work extremely hard and yet due to unforeseen circumstances, or matters beyond their control, still do not feel financially secure. I am fully aware that I was lucky.
Now, I don’t have the best paying job however my partner does pretty well in IT. We are financially secure enough so that I don’t have to ‘think’ about every day purchases, can go for dinner whenever we feel like it, can go on nights out etc pre covid. Very fortunate to be in a position where having a horse on livery is a luxury we can afford. However baby is due January- I think we will feel slightly more of a pinch.

jessstan1 · 10/11/2020 21:15

'Privilege' means different things to different people.

To me, as a retired person, I feel privileged to have more than enough for my needs, in other words no need to worry. I don't feel any envy of those who have more and am glad I do not have less.

As a younger person, wife and mother, I was very hard up indeed and am just thankful those days are over. I was aware there were people who didn't have financial problems and also of some who were far worse off but neither really affected me day to day and I didn't think in terms of 'privilege'; it was just the way things were. It was a difficult time.

EatPrayYoga · 10/11/2020 21:16

I consider myself to be financially privileged on a similar basis to that set out in your OP but the difference is that I know I'm privileged and that, while I work hard, I am lucky to be in a position not to have to worry about money.

I'm not saying we are minted either but we manage to cover everything we need to and I treat myself regularly without worrying about the money.

It doesn't follow that if someone has less money or financial freedom they either don't work as hard or fail to budget properly or both.

EssentialHummus · 10/11/2020 21:16

Hmm.

I think most people can achieve some sort of "financial privilege" with some form of financial planning and living within personal means.

I'd say SOME people can achieve that, if by privilege we mean doing a weekly shop without holding your breath at the till, being able to absorb the costs of a new boiler, new winter coat, kids' shoes etc. And maybe some, though fewer, can also achieve a further-reaching financial privilege by doing financial planning and living within means - so maybe an annual holiday or two, private school for kids, nicer house, nicer car, investments?

Some can't because they aren't savvy enough to (which can itself link to privilege/financial understanding), some are too focused on spending money on shit, some have rotten luck or difficult circumstances, some have so little money that they can do everything right and still get nowhere.

I'm financially privileged now - 34 and approaching never having to work again though I do work, I run a food bank. What frightens me is how money begets money, and how that can work for or against you. I immigrated to the UK with no financial or other resources and worked like a dog. I made unpleasant decisions, took jobs and then a career I didn't much like because it was lucrative. At the time I really could have used a bit of financial privilege! I had luck and willpower. Now, however, when it doesn't matter much at all, I have all the time in the world to shop at Lidl, compare energy suppliers, hunt out discount codes, sue companies who provide me with shoddy service, do repairs to keep an old banger on the road etc.

And then the cycle continues - I have a daughter. I have the time and energy to sit and read with her for hours. I can follow up on her interest in X with books and activities and YouTube videos. She eats home cooked food, goes to extra-curricular activities, has lovely toys, a warm bed, a calm home. At three she is bilingual, reading, can dress herself, solve problems, has friends she's known her whole life etc. And in two years she'll go to school and next to her may be someone whose parents are working three jobs between them and don't have as much time as they want to spend with their children, move every six months at a landlord's whim from one damp or overcrowded home to another and eat a poor diet of things that can be cooked quickly/in a kettle if no cooking facilities, or suffer food poverty. That's where the real effects of privilege kick in, imo.

chunkyrun · 10/11/2020 21:21

I consider myself to be privileged. Have previously been in a lot of debt and not had enough money coming in to cover bills and living expenses. Now I have a wee emergency fund, feel safe in the knowledge that I should have all credit card debt paid off within 6-12months. I budget food and daily living expenses. I know the cupboards/fridge/freezer is always full. Money can't buy happiness but it buys you a good nights sleep and sense security. Would never want to live like that again.

ArcheryAnnie · 10/11/2020 21:22

@rwalker

I would say we're comfortable house paid for but the only reason I'm in this postion is I bought a house when I was 18 had 4 jobs to pay for it

when friends were at the bar getting pissed I was behind it working. They had flash cars I didn't went aboard once when I was 25 missed out on loads as I was working .kept mortgage term over same length when moved high mortgage payments over short term .

Pisses me off when they say I'm lucky I don't have a mortgage nobody gave me anything and find it fucking rude .

This is ludicrous. I was working outside the family home from the age of 11 (babysitting, paper rounds), then from about 14 worked at the weekend at a burger joint, worked after school at an office, did a paper round on Sunday morning and a free paper one evening a week all through my teens. During the school holidays I was a cleaner in an old people's home. I could not afford to "get pissed" or buy a flash car or any of those things, never mind a mortgage.

If you can buy a house at 18 from your own four jobs, then you must have pretty fucking excellent connections to get the kind of jobs that would enable you to do so. To present this as pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps, I find fucking rude.

pointythings · 10/11/2020 21:26

I see it as very simple.

You're financially privileged when you don't feel sick the moment your car starts making that funny noise.

VeryQuaintIrene · 10/11/2020 21:27

I've been relatively poor, where I've had to put groceries on my CC because there was no money in my account, and every little expenditure at the beginning of the month made me nervous about what would happen at the end of the month so I read my bank statements religiously. Financial privilege is not having to do that any more and knowing that an unexpected, expensive car repair will be annoying but completely manageable, and I feel very lucky to be in that position. I still keep an eye on what I spend, though, out of habit and a sense of "what if" I had to go back to being poorer.

Calmate · 10/11/2020 21:28

Seriously, to me, financial privilege is being able to afford to pay your bills including accommodation, and being able to go on holiday. Forget private schools, foreign holidays, and Belgravia residences, just having your sustenance and the able bodied ability to earn your daily bread, unless you have retired from work.

BeaMends · 10/11/2020 21:31

I'm starting to get rather fed up with the overuse of 'privilege' and 'privileged' now. They are starting to be used as catch-all insults.

Fluffy40 · 10/11/2020 21:33

Lucky , in that our mortgage ended five years ago.

Charleyhorses · 10/11/2020 21:36

Worra load of crap op.
I'm financially comfortable. Mortgage paid off. This was as a result of some effort but also:
Remaining in a stable relationship for my adult life
Being healthy
Having dc without health issues or disabilities
Earning sufficient to be able to afford decent childcare
Not facing unexpected unemployment at any point.

This is what has made the difference in where me and my friends are in our early 50s.

Kljnmw3459 · 10/11/2020 21:45

Not budgeting- that can be a proof of of not having to worry about finances or proof about terrible money management.

Conniethesensible · 10/11/2020 21:45

1/4 of kids are living in poverty.

How the hell did we let this happen as a country.

DillonPanthersTexas · 10/11/2020 21:46

Financially secure is perhaps a better phrase then privledge.

Nsky · 10/11/2020 21:46

Lucky that I never have to worry what I can afford.
I don’t take it for granted

Gwenhwyfar · 10/11/2020 21:51

"Stone - I loathe the view that hard work and sacrifices will lead to a higher salary ... it might (for the privileged) but many people work very hard, make lots of sacrifices but still aren't able to earn a high salary."

Yeah, it's rubbish for most people, along with 'time is money'. Maybe if you're self-employed, but not for the rest of us.

evilharpy · 10/11/2020 21:52

@Charleyhorses

Worra load of crap op. I'm financially comfortable. Mortgage paid off. This was as a result of some effort but also: Remaining in a stable relationship for my adult life Being healthy Having dc without health issues or disabilities Earning sufficient to be able to afford decent childcare Not facing unexpected unemployment at any point.

This is what has made the difference in where me and my friends are in our early 50s.

Yes! You can make all the right decisions but there's no accounting for relationship breakdown, children with complex needs that are incompatible with both parents working, even Covid where the furlough scheme would only replace up to £2,500 your income but you might have a high mortgage and other bills that were affordable with (what you thought was) your stable income but are less affordable now. Things happen.

I have a very bright, very capable friend who did well at school and has a good degree but has had two relationship breakdowns and two out of her three children have significant health issues. She has been desperate to work for years since her middle child was born, and build up a career, but just couldn't make the finances and time needed for many many medical appointments work until very recently, and childcare options were very limited because of the health issues. I haven't made any better decisions in life than she has. Things just worked out differently.

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