Page 2 | Bubbles . AIBU to be upset ad what do I say?

Original poster

Racoonworld · 10/11/2020 18:29

I'm sure her mum did insist, and yes she is over 18.

She's sent me a new message about how great it is having her mum there and how she is loving having help. I think my bigger problem is that I have no one to help. I don't think there is anything can do to change this though.

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KatieKat88 · 10/11/2020 18:32

To the PP who said there are lots of baby groups running - not in my area, they've all gone online even though the government changed the rules (very last minute) and said they can run... super helpful. But NCT are still doing group walks as they're a charity- might be worth looking into OP?

Original poster

Racoonworld · 10/11/2020 18:35

@KatieKat88 they aren't running in my area either. I'll have a look at NCT to see if they're doing anything

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PatchworkElmer · 10/11/2020 18:35

@Racoonworld childcare bubbles are literally for childcare- so I’m in one with my Mum. I dropped DS off this morning, worked, picked him up this evening. Stayed at a distance from my Mum the whole time. They’re for childcare only, not socialising. So you could’ve only done it with your friend if you took it in turns to have the babies and give each other a break.

Other bubbles are for single households/ parents only. So I can’t bubble with my parents, and I live with DH. But my brother lives alone, so he is bubbled with them socially.

Definitely go for a walk with your friend- there’s nothing stopping you from doing that.

PatchworkElmer · 10/11/2020 18:36

I’d also talk to your HV if you’re struggling. You don’t need to suffer alone

lurklemurkle · 10/11/2020 18:36

Could you afford a few hours from a babysitter or mother's help each week? I think that is still allowed under the lockdown rules.

Undercovermuvver · 10/11/2020 18:38

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DespairingHomeowner · 10/11/2020 18:45

@Racoonwordl: sorry to hear you are feeling low, its a tough time.
I am in favour of people sticking to the rules

The rules are:

single parents (eg your friend) can bubble with any size hhld for social/emotional support
child care arrangements are a separate thing

you ARE allowed to have both (see govt page below).

I would share this with your friend & ask her how she feels about bubbling with your family in addition to her mum: its a different kind of support

Also to echo you CAN go for SD walks with any 1 person, so definitely do that, and maybe with a few of your friends (1 at a time)

www.gov.uk/guidance/making-a-support-bubble-with-another-household

If you have children under 14
You may be able to form a childcare bubble. This is separate from support bubbles.

If you’re eligible, you can form one childcare bubble and one support bubble with different households.

You must not meet socially with your support bubble and childcare bubble at the same time. Childcare bubbles must be used exclusively for the purposes of childcare.

EssentialHummus · 10/11/2020 18:46

It’s tough going OP. I’d reply “No worries! Shall we meet up for a walk and get some fresh air together? How’s Thursday morning for you?” (Or whenever).

It’s very early days. It will get better and easier, promise.

jessstan1 · 10/11/2020 18:54

Is your husband at home all the time at the moment?

GloGirl · 10/11/2020 18:59

Can you speak to the GP? I appreciate this pandemic must be absolutely atrocious with a new baby but crying every day I feel would be worth getting in the support of health professionals

Original poster

Racoonworld · 10/11/2020 19:06

@DespairingHomeowner thanks though my friend isn't a single mum so we can't form a support bubble.

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Thehop · 10/11/2020 19:07

Why isn’t your husband more of a support?

DespairingHomeowner · 10/11/2020 19:10

[quote Racoonworld]@DespairingHomeowner thanks though my friend isn't a single mum so we can't form a support bubble.[/quote]
ah, I misunderstood. you can still meet your friend for a walk, you could take your babies out with you and chat which is still a big step up from the last lockdown .. its hard but try to focus on what you can do vs what you cannot

Original poster

Racoonworld · 10/11/2020 19:10

@GloGirl I know I have a problem and it's not normal. I had a depression diagnosis a number of years ago so I'm supposedly on the watch list for pnd but haven't had a health visitor appointment since day 10. Realistically though I'm not sure what they would be able to do anyway, I would be coping a lot better if it wasn't for covid. They can't make the restrictions go away and they can't magic me up some family that cares.

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Original poster

Racoonworld · 10/11/2020 19:14

@Thehophe works long hours so he is around in the evening and weekends but i'm alone during the weekdays. I know that should be enough support and I'm sure it is for most people but it's not for me, I've never done well being alone as it gives me too much time to think.

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ArtemisBean · 10/11/2020 19:26

OP, you know you can meet one other person (or one person plus baby/toddler) for a walk outside at any point, don't you? Not always the same person, just one at a time. Do you have friends or family near enough to you to do this once a week or so? It's a bit harsh of your friend to keep rubbing it in about her mum. That's incredibly tactless if she knows your situation.

Nanny0gg · 10/11/2020 19:35

@Racoonworld

I had a baby in summer. I have no family nearby so due to lockdown restrictions have had very little help or support and haven't really coped that well tbh. I've suffered from depression for years which hasn't helped and Covid has made everything so much worse, I used to deal with everything by seeing friends every week and getting out and about, now that is hard to do. One of my best friends just had a baby and suggested we could potentially bubble for company during this lockdown as she didn't have any help either. I said yes and to let me know if she wanted to do that. That was a week ago I hadn't heard anything then I got a text today saying her mum had rearranged things and has bubbled with her to give her help for lockdown. I'm so upset, I can't even be angry because of course she wants her mum to help with her new baby but the one bit of hope I had for this lockdown has now gone. I live with my DH and baby so i'm not alone but I don't think I've ever felt more alone. I cry every time I think about it and just don't know how to respond to her text. I need to reply soon so she doesn't think I'm angry with her, I don't want her stressing. What should I say? How do I reply to this? please help!

Even though she's bubbled with her mum (and realistically, even though it hurts, you can understand why) she can still meet you for walks.

Can you suggest that?

GabsAlot · 10/11/2020 19:49

sorry i dont understand you say yu both havent got help yet youre both married/partners you cant form a bubble in tis instance chidcare mean someone looking after your child not so you can meet up

i know irs hard ive ad depression for years but u need to see your gp and get help that way

lurklemurkle · 10/11/2020 19:51

[quote Racoonworld]@GloGirl I know I have a problem and it's not normal. I had a depression diagnosis a number of years ago so I'm supposedly on the watch list for pnd but haven't had a health visitor appointment since day 10. Realistically though I'm not sure what they would be able to do anyway, I would be coping a lot better if it wasn't for covid. They can't make the restrictions go away and they can't magic me up some family that cares.[/quote]
Best contact your GP rather than wait on the HV. It's a myth that everything goes to your HV after having a baby. HV are in addition to your GP, not instead of. Mind guidance puts GP as first port of call:

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/postnatal-depression-and-perinatal-mental-health/support-and-services/

CornflakeMum · 10/11/2020 19:56

Have you checked local area Facebook groups - lots of ours are helping people 'buddy up' with others for 1-to-1 socially distanced walks and chats, hikes, dog walks etc. Even if mum & baby groups aren't operating they may be doing something similar? Or if you're feeling brave you could even post that you're looking for other local mums to meet for walks/ an outdoor coffee etc?

As a previous poster said, 'support groups' which specifically includes new parents can meet in groups of up to 15 so long as it's in a 'covid secure' venue e.g. church hall etc and not a private home.

MamaBearThius · 10/11/2020 19:58

I also had a baby in Summer... congratulations OP. Bloody hard going right!! Pregnancy during lockdown, birth during lockdown, recovery etc. All very weird. Is it your first?

Rosebel · 10/11/2020 19:59

I'd just say glad your mum can help and as others have suggested meet up for walks.
I do understand I feel lonely and we're moving to a new area soon so will have even less support than I do now..
Talj to your HV and GP if you can or show them what you've written. I think there are some online support groups although I know it's not the same.

CandyLeBonBon · 10/11/2020 19:59

Why have you not talked to your DH about this? Does he know how you feel?

Original poster

Racoonworld · 10/11/2020 20:05

@CandyLeBonBon I'm not very good at talking to people about this in real life. DH knows a bit but not the extent of it. Very few other people know anything at all.

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