To ask if you could restart adulthood, what would you do differently?

[changedname34]

I've been thinking lots tonight about what I would do differently if I had the chance to go back when I was 18.

I'd save instead of being stupid with my money and running up lots of debt, travel more, rethink the decision to have DC so young & go to university.

What would you do & why?

Save, exercise more and not get fat.

I wouldn't want to go back and relive all this trauma and suffering for a second time. It wasn't fixable this time around, it still wouldn't be on repeat. I was already deeply broken and traumatised by 18.

So I'd go back to tell teenage me that the people telling her to 'hang in there and keep fighting because things will get better' were full of shit and that knowing when to give up is valuable. And I'd hold her hand and comfort her while she died so she didn't have to die alone or feeling frightened.

Seeing as this is impossible fantasy anyway.

I’d probably do everything differently!

I’d use the money my nan left me at 18 better by going on an amazing holiday (still haven’t ever done that at 40!) I’d enjoy myself more, I’d realise I had a bloody brilliant figure and wear what I wanted instead of thinking I was too fat/lumpy/ugly, I would have taken a different course at college so I could gain skills to get a better job rather than settle for crap jobs thinking that was all I was worth, I would make more friends, I wouldn’t settle down at 20 with the first nice bloke I meet and get pregnant straight away.

20 years later we’re still together but I often look back and realise I’m 40 and I’ve done fuck all with my life.

Everything when I look back I feel nothing but regret

Done the degree I really wanted to, rather than the one I thought I should do.

Get on the property ladder.

And refuse to sign papers for my stepdad and mum's business despite assurances that they would make sure it didn't affect me. Mum left me owing £20K to their bank despite owning multiple cars, equipment, quad bikes, motorbikes and even a ride on mower! All of which she said she would sell if anything happened. They even got a £26K inheritance which the blew on renovating a rented house (which the owner sold the minute it was done and kicked them out 😂😂😂😂) when they could have made an offer to settle their debt in my name.

I was gonna say 'everything', but then I realised a lot of what I did was fine. I don't think I could improve. Main changes are

Study something different at Uni, Not get married, not have kids, Be quieter.

Sp many many things but mostly don't choose shit men because of lack of self esteem and I'd have saved enough to retire at 55.

@DramaAlpaca

Done the degree I really wanted to, rather than the one I thought I should do.

This is exactly me too! I would also have gone to a uni away from home rather than one in my home city - one of my biggest regrets. Also spend time abroad which I would have done had I done the course I wanted to.

Gone to uni, waited for someone who really loved me, not started smoking.

Done a different course at Uni and studied properly.

Quit the teenage smoking, get fit and stay fit.

I don't know if I would really. While I certainly didn't make the best decisions, if I hadn't made them I wouldn't be where I am now and I love my life now.
There's a few key moments where I made choices that I'd like to do a 'sliding doors' on to see what could have been though.

Wish I had taken great note of the things I loved doing as a kid - and planned a future life doing those same things.

I have just found an old box of Girl Guide and Brownie badges from decades ago - it’s breathtaking to open it now see all the things I loved at a young age - map reading, orienteering, cycling, interpreting, languages, nature, landscapes, exploring, water.....

Looking back I would urge anyone to revisit what they each loved to do as a child...

Get some focus. Have a plan and some life goals. I wasted a lot of time faffing around, staying in dead end jobs just to fund my social life. Big mistake. Other than my children and my house I don't have a lot to show for my life. I never really did anything with purpose. I wish I was dynamic and educated.

Everything! Well maybe not, but the big stuff.

Not get in debt, not move across country for a man, not marry H, not have children.

Travel more, focus on my career and making myself happy, with or without anyone else.

I would have gone and worked in Dubai when offered the job many many years ago!

I wouldn’t of had my children...I would have been completely career focused! I would have been earning around 100k a year if I’d focused on my career. I would wait until I’m my age now then had them.

Other than that wouldn’t change anything else...I made the right choices in the end I love my husband to bits and the kids maybe have a bit more saved up.

Would be interesting to see what I could have been tho

Travel far more when i i was young. For a wide variety of reasons it gets more difficult as you get older. Big regret.

God it’s hard because I wouldn’t have got my lovely dc if I hadn’t done some of it!

Been more focussed on what on what I wanted and needed when I was younger. Travelled more. Worried more about what I needed to do career wise at the crucial times and not thought about men so much.

Drunk less. Exercised more.

Not got together with exh, especially not so young.

I would take more time to appreciate life and what I have, because I've spent my entire adulthood anxious and depressed when I had no real reason to. I had a happy marriage, lovely family, good education, but still I feel like I wasted years being unhappy before being widowed at 39 and then really having something to be depressed about.

I would have dated more, given blokes more of a chance rather than deciding they weren’t for me after one or two dates.

I would have eaten less and taken up running much earlier.

I would have saved more.

@user115632569541

I wouldn't want to go back and relive all this trauma and suffering for a second time. It wasn't fixable this time around, it still wouldn't be on repeat. I was already deeply broken and traumatised by 18.

So I'd go back to tell teenage me that the people telling her to 'hang in there and keep fighting because things will get better' were full of shit and that knowing when to give up is valuable. And I'd hold her hand and comfort her while she died so she didn't have to die alone or feeling frightened.

Seeing as this is impossible fantasy anyway.

Same

Had more confidence, been more on it, got on property ladder sooner.

I'd stand up for myself wrt my sister and mother, rather than endure 20 years of being treated like the shit on my sister's shoe whilst she gets treated as a princess. It's not my fault she's jealous that I was born and letting myself being treated like crap has not done any of us any favours.

Not be homeless