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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To suddenly not want to work anymore?

435 replies

MasterGland · 09/11/2020 21:43

I want to sit at home with my cats and read books. Perhaps bake occasionally, play board games with my son. Weed the garden.
I have realised that I can easily fill my days with these things. They make me happy. I am really struggling with motivation at work. I used to be quite career oriented, but now I keep calculating the minimum I need to retire, and how I might do it as soon as possible.
It is a sudden change for me, and not sure if it is related to the current lockdowns... but have not directly been affected by them really as worked straight through both. Anyone else had a sudden change of heart about the pursuit of endless work?

OP posts:
Pickpick101 · 10/11/2020 08:12

I'm probably not talking to my tribe here as I'm someone who could afford not to work but chooses to, but I'm 41 and couldn't contemplate another 30-40 years on the planet pottering around my house and garden.

Id guess at something like the need to work , if you are there because it puts food on the table and you are there because of the wage then it becomes a grind. If you have the money to be able to choose something you like and not have to care if you get sacked or decide to leave that's a whole different world to most people.

ouchmyfeet · 10/11/2020 08:15

Id guess at something like the need to work , if you are there because it puts food on the table and you are there because of the wage then it becomes a grind. If you have the money to be able to choose something you like and not have to care if you get sacked or decide to leave that's a whole different world to most peopl

Yes fair point, but I don't think that's the scenario that lots here are discussing. People paying off mortgages in their 40s and then choosing to retire rather to work in a more fulfilling career just seems odd to me. Hmm

dolphinpose · 10/11/2020 08:19

Can you do both? I work PT from home. Hours and hours of squirrel and bird watching, of long pointless conversations with the cat, of spur of the moment muddy walks, daytime yoga lessons, reading in bed or on the sofa for half a day and slow cooking with the radio on.

I love it. Have to work hard on the days I do work, to bring the money in, but there are lots of drifty days. I'm mid fifties too.

Nocaloriesinchocolate · 10/11/2020 08:20

I desperately regretted retiring (from a fulfilling, challenging role that I chose to leave for health- related reasons) and was struggling to find a point in life despite no financial worries, lovely DH, lovely home and plenty to keep me occupied, especially learning to play the piano that's been gathering dust since DS left home.. It's only got better since Covid when everyone in my old work had to stop work and I realised I would no longer be at work anyway

MasterGland · 10/11/2020 08:23

I'm not unhappy. Far from it. And I don't think it's got anything to do with teaching. My son was in bed when I got home last night but there were nights like that in my old business career. The stresses were different in each, but the overall stress levels are comparable. I've no interest in entering a debate about teaching, that has been done to death and lots of my colleagues find it very upsetting. Thank you again for all your insights.

OP posts:
Requinblanc · 10/11/2020 08:25

Yes! I would do it in a heartbeat.

I went part-time a few years ago due to health issues. I run a small business on the side.

I am beyond fed up with useless bosses and with the nonsensical admin and endless paperwork, endless HR tick-boxing exercises (how many more online health and safety training does the average worker really need?) that seems to come with most office jobs these days. I am planning to stick to my current job until the New Year but will quit after that.

It is not working that bothers me in itself it is the office drudgery. I am planning on moving to something that does not just involve endless computer work and pointless meetings...

dottiedodah · 10/11/2020 08:26

I feel for you .I was very fortunate to take early retirement .However I am in my 50s! I do think Covid has slowed down the pace of life for so many people now .Retirement is a big step though ,and if say you were to retire at 40 .You would have many years ahead of you to finance .Also your State/Private pensions would need to be funded. If you were to live say into your 70s/80s /90s(Not unusual now) So 40 odd years! Could you reduce your hours / change jobs or maybe move down ? Doing something positive to help your dream materilaise .Do you have a partner ? What do they think ?

YukoandHiro · 10/11/2020 08:27

OP I totally understand. I'm in my late 30s and have been very career focused til now. I went back PT after my first child but still in a senior role on a job share. I'm now on my second maternity leave with a 4 week old baby and I've lost all interest in work. I'm having a full year off but not sure what I'm going to go back to afterwards. My husband is 50 but has a more modest role and is self employed and neither of us have much of a pension saved (we work in an unstable industry) so frankly I've no choice but to continue working for many years yet. My plan is to try to work out if moving into another area or sector might help me regain my focus as well as allowing myself to indulge more in home life and give myself proper switching off time.

Spaghettibetty345 · 10/11/2020 08:32

I’ve never wanted to work to be brutally honest. I’ve always known this since I was a teenager. Friends use to ask me what I wanted to be and I’d always say housewife. They looked at me in disgust asking me why I wanted to be one. The strange thing was they themselves had mothers who never worked a day in their life. People would say you have to work and make your own money and not rely on anyone. I do get this. I’ve always liked my ‘me time’. I like baking, crafts etc. I do currently work partime and still live at home with parents. But the idea of working full time fills me with dread. I do have health problems although nothing major. There are times where I need to go to hospital appts. It would be difficult to keep taking time off work for them. There was a thread a few months ago about why young people only work part time and and many were saying it was for their mental health.

My mother used to be a teacher part time. She changed careers and started coming home later and later. She couldn’t start off part time either . My dad would have to cook as she wouldn’t have time to. I already knew then that I didn’t want to come home late everyday and wake up early everyday. I also hate commuting.

I’ve always dreamed of getting married to someone well off and having little side job. Perhaps making and selling things/continue working part time. Unfortunately I’m too ugly to be married. I know if will have to get a full time job eventually. But honestly I’ve never wanted to have a career. It’s never been important to me.

VeniceQueen2004 · 10/11/2020 08:32

For me these days, passion for my job is like my lost libido - I don't want it, but I want to WANT to want it if you se what I mean.

I've had spells of high enjoyment of my work - about 4 jobs in a long CV that I've genuinely been excited to go into work every day, felt like I was making a difference, adored my colleagues and service users etc.

But mostly I've found jobs understimulating, overcomplicated, or just too stressful - I'm a perfectionist so to be continually chipping away at something that never gets better and the goalposts keep moving (cf most jobs, esp in Higher Education/Health Service where I've had most of my experience) is soul-destroying and I tend to get sucked in to working far too many hours to try and do the impossible - which was fine until I had a child and a life crisis or two, then hello nervous breakdown!

I now have to take things much easier for the good of my mental health and my family - but the upshot of this is I am disengaged and frankly just marking time some days.

I have also had jobs that were otherwise good utterly ruined by the hellbitch manager or the totally intractably lazy line report and all the stress and conflict that comes with that.

The main issue I have with work is the powerlessness - even in a senior role, fundamentally you can't ever really control others' behaviour, esp not in the public sector where people basically only ever get sacked for gross negligence or via an official redundancies policy - managers individually have no teeth so for a lazy person there is no motivation to do a good job. And from the junior's perspective, you can work yourself into the ground but if the targets and expectations set by your superiors (over which you have no control) are unrealistic and impossible, you are always going to fail.

From the mental wellbeing perspective, the best job I ever had was in a pub - hard physical work but guaranteed job satisfaction in the sense that you are asked to do something achievable (provide drinks) and if you do it well and conscientiously you have happy clients. Unfortunately, doesn't pay enough to support a mortgage and the hours are hardly family friendly!

I went down to 4 days a week while my child was in nursery. She's heading into school now and I don't think I'll ever go back up to 5. DP went to 4 not long after me and he too thinks life is better with this balance. Our life plan is very much to eliminate the NEED to work for money as soon as possible. Although he is a busy bee and will likely find all manner of useful things to do, possibly set up his own business once he is not reliant on it's success or failure. I can see myself quite happily reading, writing, maybe finally taking some time to look after my health, making bread, going for walks, visiting my children, my sister and my parents - and yes probably quite a lot of binge-watching too! - basically living an inexpensive, pleasurable life.

I do have some expensive daydreams - I'd like to live in a narrowboat for a while, I'd like to travel again by myself like I did in my teens and early twenties - but I'd accept the loss of those if it meant I could stop putting myself through work stress.

My ideal outcome though would be to find a job like the ones I have had in my career that make me feel good, productive and engaged. My family all say I should pursue my writing as a career and I think if I could make enough money out of that to hold up my end of the mortgage I would be happy to stay in work far longer. But obviously there's little money and stiff competition in that area!

Any careers advisors on here who'd like to help a very booksmart, idealistic but fundamentally rather insecure and lazy person find the perfect career? I can pay in sourdough Grin

WanderingMilly · 10/11/2020 08:32

I'd love not to be able to work at all.
All my life I have been quite driven and wanted to continue working; I used to say if I won the lottery I wouldn't give up work.
Then I turned 60 and became so tired of it all. All that agro and hard work, endless meetings....all the things I thought important, but suddenly realised they weren't any more.

Unfortunately my plans were messed up by COVID and currently I do 3 days a week part-time. I have to have the money coming in....I'm one of the women who grew up thinking we'd all retire at 60 but now I don't collect my pension until I'm 66 and so I can't stop. It's really irritating.

Trytogetby · 10/11/2020 08:34

This happened to me during maternity leave. I never did return to the office job I loved for nearly 10 years prior.

BrummyMum1 · 10/11/2020 08:35

Grass is always greener.

HappyThursdays · 10/11/2020 08:36

I couldn't agree more. I always chuckle at those people who win the lottery but carry on working. I would resign at the drop of a hat!

I had one job i loved but I was young and junior and had no responsibilities at work. When I finished for the day, that was it. No evening calls, no weekend interruptions, no worrying about things that need to be done.

I had plans to be able to retire early. But then I got divorced and lost half my assets. And now my partner lost his job due to Covid so I'm carrying the financial burden for everyone. Shit happens I know. But when I go to bed at night, I dream about not having to work and just tending to my garden, walking the dog, having tea and coffee with friends! I'd be perfectly happy pottering around!

dudsville · 10/11/2020 08:36

I would worry so much if I was younger and felt the way I do now about work and I feel sorry for the younger folks on here. That time in your life, those years, can't be wished away. So much wonderful stuff happens in young adulthood and the 30's. BUT that is not me! I'm older. 10 years ago I started actively making changes and plans so that I can retire early. The goal pays have changed a bit over time as I'veplayed with the numbers, but I've got 6 years or less and I'm honestly bidding my time at work.

Purplewithred · 10/11/2020 08:37

I’m 62 and I’ve always felt like this about work. I’m pretty much counting the minutes until I can retire, and I have a not-too-stressful part time job where I’m really appreciated. But I am so, so over it. And I’m tired, and can tell I’m losing my stamina and edge.

TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince · 10/11/2020 08:38

I’m 57. Off sick with long term mental health issues.

Union is suggesting l pursue ill health retirement. Not sure how l feel though about not working....

crochetmonkey74 · 10/11/2020 08:39

Sarahlou63

How did you do this? I'm 46 and been thinking about this more and more- I live in an expensive place so been looking at a move to somewhere cheaper

mogloveseggs · 10/11/2020 08:40

Me.
I was off for part of the last furlough and hated it probably because the kids were home and thought I wanted to get back to work ASAP.
Am off again and this time the few days I've had so far have been lovely. Doing the housework in the morning and prepping tea then afternoons for crafting and tv. Need to work though-dreams will have to wait.

StanfordPines · 10/11/2020 08:41

Some people are taking this post far too seriously.

It’s just a wistful thought rather than a statement of intent.

ravenmum · 10/11/2020 08:44

I enjoy my work and wish I had enough of it right now so that I could pay the bills from that instead of from my dwindling pre-Covid savings. I'm worried about whether I'll have enough money when I'm old to make it worthwhile staying alive.

Aren't you scared that you might think you have enough savings, but then something unexpected happens and you find yourself unable to potter about in any gardens or walk any dogs because you can't afford either?

shufflestep · 10/11/2020 08:44

I'm working through very similar feelings at the moment. I'm 47, mortgage is paid off and DH has a good job. I've been talking to him seriously about freeing up some more time, but I haven't decided yet.

I'm a self-employed instrumental teacher, and have decided not to go into schools during this second lockdown, as am CV, but am happily teaching many students via Zoom from home. So far I'm loving the time, time to do all the things I can't fit in normally.

But I can't get rid of a feeling of guilt, that why should I have it so easy while others have to work much harder? So I remain stuck on the hamster wheel....

DickAndSizzy · 10/11/2020 08:45

I was so career focussed until I was about 37 and then I realsied just how stressed I was (close to breaking) and an opportunity came up to take a couple of months off work. I assumed I would get bored and start to look forward to workign again.

Nope.

I loved my time off and always found lots to fill me days.

2 months, became 8 months before I really did have to get back to full time employment. Now I just think about how lovely it would be for life to be like those 8 months again Grin

ravenmum · 10/11/2020 08:45

@StanfordPines

Some people are taking this post far too seriously.

It’s just a wistful thought rather than a statement of intent.

OP said I reckon I can be mortgage free at 44. Then I want to drop to 3 days and jack it all in by 54 - sounds like a plan to me?
Bertyb7 · 10/11/2020 08:46

Sorry if someone has already suggested this but have a little look into the FIRE community (financial independence retire early) which basically debunks the theory that you can't retire until 60 if you plan ahead and make conscious choices on how you spend your money. I am not taking it as seriously as some people but started as came to realise that having the option to say fk you, I'm outta here if work is unreasonable to me, is good for me mentally. It's all about having the freedom to make my own choices. Not there yet but have been on this journey for the last two years, also mid thirties and feel a lot more in control of my finances! This documentary is a great place to start.
m.imdb.com/title/tt8941986/