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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To suddenly not want to work anymore?

435 replies

MasterGland · 09/11/2020 21:43

I want to sit at home with my cats and read books. Perhaps bake occasionally, play board games with my son. Weed the garden.
I have realised that I can easily fill my days with these things. They make me happy. I am really struggling with motivation at work. I used to be quite career oriented, but now I keep calculating the minimum I need to retire, and how I might do it as soon as possible.
It is a sudden change for me, and not sure if it is related to the current lockdowns... but have not directly been affected by them really as worked straight through both. Anyone else had a sudden change of heart about the pursuit of endless work?

OP posts:
ChristmasRedSpottyScarf · 12/11/2020 17:36

awful day here too. had someone scream abuse at me down the phone. I did not handle it that well it has be be said.

Twigletgirl27 · 12/11/2020 17:55

I'd never judge anyone for their choices. All I can say is that at 54 and not working for 3 years now, I love the slower pace of life. We're fortunate to be mortgage free with savings I know but my DH and I took the leap and don't regret it. I'm very happy to potter and normally we love travel, maybe one day again! Life is slow and I love it!

Cosyjimjamsforautumn · 12/11/2020 18:47

I'm very happily being made redundant in january after nearly 27 years full time with the same company and really can't wait to leave (my mortgage is all paid off). I may do a bit of consultancy work to keep me going until I can draw my pension in 2 years but would only consider working part time or for myself.
I lost a close work colleague very suddenly last year and, what with his loss and covid, its made me realise life is too short to start back on 4 hour daily commutes, working evenings/weekends etc until I drop. Also the expense of commuting and coffee snacks for work mounts up.
I want to craft, bake, exercise, spend time with family and friends, rehome a dog, get chickens. Can't wait for 2021!

CowCuddler · 12/11/2020 18:52

Am with you 100%. Have been busy putting money away in pensions and long term investments in the hope that I will be able to retire by 60 (though ideally before)

I'm 40 and have a low paid job in childcare, mostly I just dream.

I remember a thread on here a couple of years back when a lady asked a question (which I forget) but mentioned that she lives off her dividend investments which then took over the thread, I remember thinking she was a genius and have just this week started investing for my children so that hopefully one day they might have an income from it, even if only small.

But yes, I would love to be a stay at home mum of a 9 and 11 year old, doing nice things. Instead I'm a single, stressed out, depressed mum trying to work, run a house, keep kids alive and not have a breakdown. Confused

Onedropbeat · 12/11/2020 19:08

I need to earn £800 a month to live

It seems like a massive amount to me but I guess it’s not a huge amount in the grand scheme of things

I’ve been living on £600 a month for the last 12 months and had enough insavings that I could take £200 from it to top me up

Singlenotsingle · 12/11/2020 23:30

You're relatively young. I'm afraid we all have to work to pay for rent, food etc. Maybe retrain for something that interests you more?

Othering · 13/11/2020 08:16

@Singlenotsingle

You're relatively young. I'm afraid we all have to work to pay for rent, food etc. Maybe retrain for something that interests you more?
We don't all have to work at all. People have very different circumstances.
dontdisturbmenow · 13/11/2020 08:26

I hope younger Pepe read this thread.

So many threads with under 30s remortgaging, not paying into a pension, working PT when they could work FT. They always say the sane 'we'll work until we are 70 so plenty of time'. They fail to appreciate that you don't have half the physical and mental energy at 50 that you do in your 20s.

If someone had asked where I'll be professionally at 50 when I was in my 30s, I would have said at Head or maybe even Director level. I almost got there then the menopause hit, early, and suddenly, all I could focus on what just getting through the day doing as little as I could. It's very similar for my OH. Years of demanding and stressful jobs have taken their toll.

We are so thankful to have prioritised paying our mortgage and paying into a good pension. We are now 5 years away from being able to retire and we are already counting the months. The idea of having to work until 67 seems impossible yet we were both so ambitious and high performing having both started at the bottom and making it up one step after another.

dontdisturbmenow · 13/11/2020 08:26

Haha, not Pepe but people!

Smallsteps88 · 13/11/2020 08:31

I’m sure Pepe will find it useful too @dontdisturbmenow Grin

VivaMiltonKeynes · 13/11/2020 08:41

@dontdisturbmenow

I hope younger Pepe read this thread.

So many threads with under 30s remortgaging, not paying into a pension, working PT when they could work FT. They always say the sane 'we'll work until we are 70 so plenty of time'. They fail to appreciate that you don't have half the physical and mental energy at 50 that you do in your 20s.

If someone had asked where I'll be professionally at 50 when I was in my 30s, I would have said at Head or maybe even Director level. I almost got there then the menopause hit, early, and suddenly, all I could focus on what just getting through the day doing as little as I could. It's very similar for my OH. Years of demanding and stressful jobs have taken their toll.

We are so thankful to have prioritised paying our mortgage and paying into a good pension. We are now 5 years away from being able to retire and we are already counting the months. The idea of having to work until 67 seems impossible yet we were both so ambitious and high performing having both started at the bottom and making it up one step after another.

I agree with you . I am scratching my head at young people talking about these small amounts of money they will and are happy to live on . I have a good financial retirement and would hate to be otherwise . It is great being "retired" when you can do what you want - go abroad, eat lunch out , go on mini breaks etc but if you are hard up ...I think WFH has given too many people the wrong idea about being retired if you are retired and not financially provided for . Before anyone says "well good for you " this was achieved the hard way - by working and living in places and putting up with things that many wouldn't .
asifiwould · 13/11/2020 09:06

Totally agree that you just do not realise how much harder it is to keep motivated in work when you are older. I think the menopause hit me harder than I realised. I was so driven in work - I loved the challenge and even though I resented the many, many extra hours I worked in holiday time or after I came home I was very proud of maintaining my high standards. I was very driven, and although I don't think I am a very ambitious person (I know, for example, that I could have got a senior management post if I had tried for it), I wanted to work at being the best I could be in the job I had.

The I guess round about my mid 40s I could feel the shift in myself. I saw people with just a few years experience going for those management jobs, and unbelievably getting them!!! I was not envious of them at all - they were jobs I didn't want - but I just could not conceive how people who were so clearly out of their depth would keep pushing for promotion. I believe that you should learn how to do your own job properly and prove your worth before going up the ladder. What really did grind my gears was when some of these people were promoted into roles that meant that they line managed some aspects of my work. That I did resent. I could not take being appraised by someone who I knew could not do the job I was doing, in fact was not doing their own job properly. I still have great admiration for those people in management positions who worked so hard to make up for the limitations of the over-promoted and to keep the place running. They are still there, and I feel that they will suffer far more than I did.

A few years ago I would have stood my ground. Fought for myself and for my team, but I just did not have the energy and the will to do so. So, I bowed out. I can't access my pension for a few years, but I am in the very fortunate position of having savings that I can live off until them. I suppose I am still bitter about how much my place of work changed in the last few years, but I suppose I should also be grateful that it made me re-evalate my life. I have no regrets whatsoever about leaving work. I am currently still in bed, with a cup of coffee and I am planning a lovely long walk later as the sun is forecast. If I was still working I would have been up and out of the house in the dark three hours ago.

I was lucky. I earnt enough to clear my mortgage early. I have a pension pot that, although it will be depleted as I have to draw on it early and loose a lot of it's value, will be large enough for me to live on. I don't have expensive tastes or hobbies so I should be ok. I cannot stress enough how important it is to plan for the future when you are young. Even a small amount put away in a pension will grow. At 20 I never thought about being 50. I thought I would always love my job, and be able to keep putting in those hours. I didn't, I wasn't.

Lazysundayafternoons · 13/11/2020 09:47

@dontdisturbmenow

I hope younger Pepe read this thread.

So many threads with under 30s remortgaging, not paying into a pension, working PT when they could work FT. They always say the sane 'we'll work until we are 70 so plenty of time'. They fail to appreciate that you don't have half the physical and mental energy at 50 that you do in your 20s.

If someone had asked where I'll be professionally at 50 when I was in my 30s, I would have said at Head or maybe even Director level. I almost got there then the menopause hit, early, and suddenly, all I could focus on what just getting through the day doing as little as I could. It's very similar for my OH. Years of demanding and stressful jobs have taken their toll.

We are so thankful to have prioritised paying our mortgage and paying into a good pension. We are now 5 years away from being able to retire and we are already counting the months. The idea of having to work until 67 seems impossible yet we were both so ambitious and high performing having both started at the bottom and making it up one step after another.

I'm only 30 and am already physically and mentally drained from work, I never thought how it could be worse in 20 years Shock.

We are both paying into good pensions and will continue to do so no matter what and luckily the mortgage will be paid off when I'm 60. Actually thinking about overpaying now though to try get it paid by 55.

Smallsteps88 · 13/11/2020 09:52

Initially I was really enjoying this thread but now it’s making me depressed and panicky. I rent privately, I have no pension, I have debts, no savings. I can just about afford the bills. Can’t afford to save let alone a pension.

dreamingofsun · 13/11/2020 10:25

smallsteps - sounds like you need to increase your income or reduce you bills. there was a lot of planning, and doing jobs we didnt like for many years, to allow us to finish working. Can you do some training to increase your earning power? Move to a cheaper area of the country?

suggest you think about a mid/long term plan. your destiny is mainly in your hands..... its up to you to decide what you want and where you are prepared to compromise to get it

bibliomania · 13/11/2020 10:27

Asif, I'm beginning to find myself chuntering under my breath about over-promoted managers too!

I need to bite the bullet and find out how much I have in my pension. I have small amounts from three different countries and no idea how to find out about them. It's probably tuppence ha'penny each, but that's still 7.5p

Smallsteps88 · 13/11/2020 10:32

smallsteps - sounds like you need to increase your income or reduce you bills.

What a good idea! Thanks @dreamingofsun. 😂😂😂

Firenight · 13/11/2020 10:41

I've just changed career direction. Definitely recommended!

CounsellorTroi · 13/11/2020 10:48

I almost got there then the menopause hit, early, and suddenly, all I could focus on what just getting through the day doing as little as I could. It's very similar for my OH. Years of demanding and stressful jobs have taken their toll.

Yes this was me. I had a mental health crisis aged 53 and had to be moved sideways into a less pressured (which wasn’t that much less pressured) role where I can only say that I survived until taking advantage of a voluntary early severance package and retiring shortly before my 58th birthday. Best thing I ever did.

Cuppaand2biscuits · 13/11/2020 10:53

I'm finding this really inspiring. DH is nearly 50 and so miserable and knackered doing his job which is very physical.
We only have a small amount left on the mortgage but really feel like sitting down and looking at where we can make changes to enable him to work less.

Chaotic45 · 13/11/2020 10:56

I left the corporate world in 2018 when family business of 45 years folded.

Now self employed in a job I love with a shorter hours and outside almost all day.

I'm less cash rich but much more happy.

Ballygowenwater · 13/11/2020 11:08

I’m just 30 and spent the first lockdown unemployed. I’m now back working full time and just can’t be bothered. I know it’s income and I need it to thrived but we survived fine on unemployement benefit, it wasn’t easy but just me and my daughter and we were fine. Now working 40 hrs a week and commuting for 10 just seems like such a shitty way to spend time. I’d love to drop to part time and have the best of both worlds slightly more cash but not spending 50 hrs a week either working or commuting but those jobs don’t come up too often around here.

Elsaandanna · 13/11/2020 11:29

I'd retire if I could.
My mortgage is paid off but I can't eat fresh air.
I have no pension, I'm in my 50s. Self employed and so my fault.
I have no choice but to work until I'm 67.
I feel like crying when I think about that.

blue25 · 13/11/2020 12:33

@dreamingofsun

smallsteps - sounds like you need to increase your income or reduce you bills. there was a lot of planning, and doing jobs we didnt like for many years, to allow us to finish working. Can you do some training to increase your earning power? Move to a cheaper area of the country?

suggest you think about a mid/long term plan. your destiny is mainly in your hands..... its up to you to decide what you want and where you are prepared to compromise to get it

What a patronising post 🙄
dreamingofsun · 13/11/2020 12:52

apologies if i sound patronising or stating the obvious. However, some posters appear to think that finishing work early is just good luck, or something that you do without planning for many years. How many of you have life plans?