To suddenly not want to work anymore?

[MasterGland]

I want to sit at home with my cats and read books. Perhaps bake occasionally, play board games with my son. Weed the garden.
I have realised that I can easily fill my days with these things. They make me happy. I am really struggling with motivation at work. I used to be quite career oriented, but now I keep calculating the minimum I need to retire, and how I might do it as soon as possible.
It is a sudden change for me, and not sure if it is related to the current lockdowns... but have not directly been affected by them really as worked straight through both. Anyone else had a sudden change of heart about the pursuit of endless work?

I'm quite lucky in that I found a hobby that I've turned into a wee side business. I wokr part time and paint the rest of the time. I'm not massively well off, far from it but I am able to save a bit now and really enjoy painting. It makes my day job doable and the bills are paid so I cant complain.

My job is okay definitely not the worst in the world but there are times when it hits me that most of us just work to live. I hate that all the time, energy and stress you put into working is just so the ones at the top can make even more money, while you rarely see a pittance. All the high bills I have to pay, to line already heavy pockets. Depressing really.

Just limping along part time until I'm 66 next year and can get my state pension, Had hoped to be fully retired by now but hey ho ...

I feel this way. I like what I do but my boss can be a bit of an idiot who thinks that anything he doesn't understand must be simple.

I'm almost 63 but my DD is in her first year of uni and DS has a year and a half left. I'm in the US where uni is insanely expensive. I'll probably have to work for another 4-5 years, unfortunately.

I read your post last night and didn't think much of it.

And now I have woken up today dreaming of a life where I don't have to work.

I can forecast that when my youngest leaves home in 2.5 years, my motivation to work will be obliterated. I am a single parent and have no choice but to work at the moment, but I am totally up for a very frugal life in my 50's and less pressure on having to work 50 hours a week

I think lockdown has made people appreciate the simpler things in life. I for example have always worked from home, but I used to be tied to my laptop from morning to night, no time for lunch, late dinner, because I was obsessed with making as much money as I possibly could - and my god, did I!

But my business completely went down the drain thanks to lockdown. I do still have some work, and I'm also building up a new business with DP, but I also have the time to do things that I'd never had before - even more so given that my evening hobby which used to be two days a week has had to stop, too.

I have discovered that I am very easy to keep amused, and without the stress of work, I am a different person.

I have read a huge amount, watching a lot on TV, sorted loads of things in the house that have needed doing for ages ..

.. I would very much like my hobby back, and to be able to see my friends and family regularly again, but you can be sure that the first chance I reasonably get, I'll be pulling back from work and enjoying a simple life.

I'm only 30 though, so I think it's a bit soon ....

I hear you! I am 2 years shy of pension age and until Covid had always assumed I would continue part time work (if my health allowed) beyond that. I worried I would be poor, feel useless, lonely and bored! Covid has forced me to live at a slower pace - and I think it suits me! I had time to notice wildlife and the seasons.
I have been working (I work half time to fit around caring commitments) mostly from home since April ( ECV) and have started to dread going back into my frantically busy stressed undervalued under supported work place ( nhs). If I could work out a way to fund early retirement - I would! I agree I feel tired and fear I won’t have the energy to get into the habit of little sleep and constantly rushing around!

Just posting for balance... Although I understand these perspectives (especially for teachers!), I also really enjoy my work. It makes me feel better to do things that I'm good at, and I'm not particularly good at finding joy in domestic things. I didn't enjoy mat leave and went back early both times.

Pottering about would be lovely for 1-2 weeks, but beyond that I'd feel incredibly bored and unseen. I wonder if some people here just never found the right type of work...?

We are so tantalisingly close... only to have had to re-evaluate everything this year.

Dh and I had plans to give up work next spring (although my job means that I always planned to do some small amounts of work for the next 10+ years). Mortgage was paid off a couple of years ago and we've been saving hard since then to be able to supplement pensions. Then coronavirus hit!

Dh works in sports and major events - all cancelled. I am self employed with about 90% of my contracts and commitments deferred until 2021 or 2022. So we've had a strange and empty year. Lots of uncertainty so not able to plan any significant projects, unable to travel (and almost no income anyway), unable to help out with looking after grandchildren because of the various restrictions and laws. So it's not like 'retirement' at all.

Now our retirement plans are deferred for at least another year - we've been living on our savings, and thank goodness we had some, so need to build those up again. After 40 years of career and hard work, I was looking forward to the free time and the choices that almost retirement would bring. Ah well, maybe in 2022...

I'm 54 and feel the same.

I can't realistically retire and still supporting DC through Uni for another couple of years. DH is older than me and could retire next year but intending to work on a couple more. He earns about half what I do and is out and about all day and enjoys his job.

I'm struggling with motivation, falling behind, getting stressed, getting migraines, struggling to focus. I need to do something as I don't know if I can keep this up for about 6 years.

Obvs not as many jobs going about that i can change to and certainly nothing that pays the same.

I don't know what the answer is but you are not alone.

House “ I wonder if some people here just never found the right type of work...?

I tried telling myself that for a while. I should have just stuck with the shortest commute and most money.

Of course there are people who love work, but I’m not one of them. It’s hard to declare lack of ambition in the world today.

I want to sit at home with my cats and read books. Perhaps bake occasionally, play board games with my son. Weed the garden. If you are writing this and you are still only in your 30s I would suggest you need to find a different job. I don't doubt this feels like an enjoyable way to while away time as a break from work, I'm not sure it would hold the same attraction if it constituted your entire life (as both my teenagers discovered in lockdown, a holiday is only a holiday when it's a holiday from something - otherwise it's just a lot of time stretching ahead). You don't say how old your son is, but I imagine there is a limited window in his life during which he will want you there to play boardgames so if that's what's motivating you then you need to act now. I didn't work when my kids were small (slightly enforced as I was a trailing spouse with a dh on expat postings). I now have a job I can do from home so can slot in some of the domestication you crave during down time in the day. I think the idea that teaching is all short hours and long holidays is a spectacularly naive one and the idea that you can build in time for staring out of the window is the polar opposite of what is actually required. I find posters on here waxing lyrical about enjoying furlough a bit to be honest. It's one thing to make a virtue of necessity, quite another thing to actually wish for it - especially those who have children (or even those who don't) - who do you think is going to be paying the price for this enforced idleness for years to come? If you don't want to work then resign from your job and make way for those who do want to work - there are going to be more and more them about sadly.

This thread has really made me reflect. Especially the poster who said motivation will drop off when the kids leave home/uni.

I reckon we’ve got 15 years until youngest DC is through uni. That feels soooo long. And I don’t know that I want to do this for another 15 years. I don’t know who would want me at that point and am very conscious that 50+ women in the workplace is not so common now, and whilst it might be by the time I get there (am 40 now) it will be an uphill struggle.

There’s also something ironic about working whilst the kids are young, then stopping work when they leave home. And moreover the fact that I will be older/more tired/haggard, so will have spent my best years working.

Life is all back to front!!

I'm the opposite. I always used to think I would leave work immediately if I could afford to. But lockdown has made me realise I like being busy and having things to focus on. Which is a surprise - always considered myself quite lazy. But having endless days to fill is a lot to fill. So I am thinking of starting a new career when I am in my early 60s, rather than retiring.

@SummerBreezemakesmefeelfine

What this thread tells us is that many women really hanker to be at home. No great surprise there, because that is what many women in previous generations always did. Lots of unpaid work went with this.

My Grandmother never "worked". She brought up a family, supported elderly relatives by having them live with the family and provided social care and end of life care for them. When her husband became ill, she cared for him at home and finally in her later years had some time to herself.

Maybe younger generations of women need to think about the old way of doing things.

Yeah, being an unpaid drudge is really something to be aspired to🙄

I'm early thirties and have felt like this since really early on in my NHS career. I feel homesick when I drive to work in the morning. I just like being in my home and being able to notice and move through the world a bit more. Love the light coming in during the day, love the peace in the morning, love spending time as a family.
Long shifts under electric lights constantly trying to solve problems and doing it all against the clock, that realisation when you step out of work that you have no idea what the weather was that day, that you haven't breathed fresh air since you got out the car that morning,that your energy is draining away into a workplace and it's all disproportionate. It sucks! I'd retire today if I could.

I happen to be a rare species - I've got no ambition, never had ambition, doubt I ever will. The whole idea of selling my soul to make someone else more money than me just pisses me off, quite frankly. I also think most careers are horrid - long hours, high levels of stress, dealing with a load of people who ultimately just want to suck you dry. You have little to no life, can't engage in life's real pleasures, the things you'll remember when you're grey and old and memories are what you've got left.

No one lies on their deathbed saying "oh dammit, I wish I'd spent more time at work!"

And the trade-off is crap. All that stress and hassle for what? A salary that you don't have time to actually spend in meaningful ways? Work is a means to an end in my mind and yet it amazes me who some people get so sucked into their jobs they put off having children until it's too late, they spend all their waking hours in the office, they have no life outside of work to speak of. What is that all about? I just don't get it.

I'm 38, I've got two sons, I work 3 days a week in a local job that is very repetitive but stress-free, I spend a lot of time with my sons, walking, doing little trips with them, making them laugh, taking photos, collecting them from school, supervising playdates and occasionally going to the pub with some friends to have a laugh. I don't earn much money (£17,000pa) but I don't care.

Careers are overrated. And no-one at work gives a shit about you either. They won't be there for you ultimately when real life hits. Your family is what matters, and your close friends (some you might acquire through work but the majority of people just want to take take take from you.)

@CounsellorTroi

The main issue I have with work is the powerlessness - even in a senior role, fundamentally you can't ever really control others' behaviour, esp not in the public sector where people basically only ever get sacked for gross negligence or via an official redundancies policy - managers individually have no teeth so for a lazy person there is no motivation to do a good job. And from the junior's perspective, you can work yourself into the ground but if the targets and expectations set by your superiors (over which you have no control) are unrealistic and impossible, you are always going to fail.

Yes this. I worked in the public sector for 38 years before I retired last year and it seems to me junior staff have a lot more responsibility now than when I started, but are paid the same in relative terms. Other people make decisions you have no say in that massively impact your role and it’s no wonder people feel burnt out by their mid 30s.

Exactly that. I am happy in my job if I was left alone to do it and there is no autonomy

YANBU.

I like my job but would happily give it up if I had enough money. I have enough interests outside of work that I could happily occupy myself. Sadly I do need the income so my compromise is that I work 4 days in a job which makes me feel valued. As a result I'm not rich in money but I'm rich in other ways that matter more :)

If you can't afford to give up work completely, perhaps there's another path that would suit you better.

Also, I would like a daily housekeeper sort of service!

@Tenterden
Eh?

"I am extremely resentful of all those who were furloughed during covid and did nothing other than paint and bake."

"Why @Oblomov20? It is routinely the advice given to people who need to protect their MH to do something creative. Would you rather people suffered or crumbled? "

Why are you implying I am having a go at others who enjoy painting?

You've completely misunderstood.
See my earlier post of not having much creative desire.

I still work 4 days a week, 9-3pm, despite the fact that my 2 x ds's are teenagers and I don't need to still work school hours, but I go through choice. I'm happy doing this.

I'm a total party animal. I love going to parties and socialising with my close friends. I'm also in ambivert and I totally love being home on my own doing absolutely nothing, slobbing about and doing as little as possible. I mainly MN, sit on the settee and try not to move other than putting a load of washing on. other people may enjoy doing creative things. I have no desire. I like to sit and be. and do nothing. hence my username.

All of the above has nothing to do with this thread btw!

Thank you @AcornAutumn

@TroysMammy

I only work 2 1/2 days a week but on Wednesday morning when I get up and before starting work at 1pm I wish I was older than I am and retired. I could easily fill my day making cards, pretending to do housework, bake, potter around in the garden and also read with the cat snuggled up next to me. My mortgage is paid off but I need money coming in to pay a few bills, eat, run my car and fund my hobbies.

wow.my hero.enjoy.

I used to count the days until I went on holiday etc. Now I love my job, having retrained. My priorities were about being creative, being good at it, making a difference and having control of my workload, targets, etc (I'm self employed).

Those are my criteria. I really recommend you to find a job that really suits you based on what's important to you. For instance, do you prefer working alone or in a team; flexibility or routine; self directed or a clear system; indoors or out and about; project work or admin; practical or paperwork; creative or systematising; security or freedom? What are your skills sets? What are your personal qualities? Are you prepared to retrain. Filter out jobs that don't meet your criteria. Maybe go and see someone who specialises in helping people to change careers, maybe a coach rather than a careers' advisor (who in my experience are not very good on helping you to find what you want to do, they're more interested in giving you leaflets!!)

@Juniper20

I happen to be a rare species - I've got no ambition, never had ambition, doubt I ever will. The whole idea of selling my soul to make someone else more money than me just pisses me off, quite frankly. I also think most careers are horrid - long hours, high levels of stress, dealing with a load of people who ultimately just want to suck you dry. You have little to no life, can't engage in life's real pleasures, the things you'll remember when you're grey and old and memories are what you've got left.

No one lies on their deathbed saying "oh dammit, I wish I'd spent more time at work!"

And the trade-off is crap. All that stress and hassle for what? A salary that you don't have time to actually spend in meaningful ways? Work is a means to an end in my mind and yet it amazes me who some people get so sucked into their jobs they put off having children until it's too late, they spend all their waking hours in the office, they have no life outside of work to speak of. What is that all about? I just don't get it.

I'm 38, I've got two sons, I work 3 days a week in a local job that is very repetitive but stress-free, I spend a lot of time with my sons, walking, doing little trips with them, making them laugh, taking photos, collecting them from school, supervising playdates and occasionally going to the pub with some friends to have a laugh. I don't earn much money (£17,000pa) but I don't care.

Careers are overrated. And no-one at work gives a shit about you either. They won't be there for you ultimately when real life hits. Your family is what matters, and your close friends (some you might acquire through work but the majority of people just want to take take take from you.)

i have huge respect for this.