Arguing with DH over the pistorious documentary

[youdidask]

So my husband has been watching the BBC documentary on Oscar Pistorious

The whole tone of it sickens me, his family are interviewed repeatedly saying they believe him, it show the evidence presented by his legal team - totally biased in his favour.

Now DH and I often disagree on what he sees as my feminist bias against men and I see as his 'but he's a sportsman so women are out to get him excuses'

For example we have had arguments in the past about certain footballers who have been convicted of crimes against women still being in the public eye playing for big name clubs etc.

The Oscar documentary has pissed me off because the man was convicted and then had his crime and sentence upgraded on appeal. There is no doubt he killed her and was a nasty man.
He's watching it with and 'open mind' and apparently 'I'm so closed minded because I've changed and all men are always wrong'.

My daughter came in during the part about him trying to get approval to race with able bodied men and his description of the events were his word against hers? And she was shot- at this point I get cross and we have a row.

He's diggin in on this, and I know I'm not wrong because the man was convicted.

Not sure what my aibu is reallly

I watched the first episode and found it very uncomfortable to watch, it felt very much like an attempt to re write history and ignore/move past his crimes.

I found it wrong on many levels.

Is it the same documentary that barely even mentions the name Reeva Steenkamp? It’s all about him, his life, his achievements.

Yes
It's made me a bit standby to be honest and I only watched some of the first episode.

Stabby not standby

Her name was Reeva Steenkamp and she was murdered.

Write it on your noticebard. Get it printed on a tshirt. Have a good, long, hard look at your husband. How disappointing he is.

I haven’t seen this documentary but know about the case.

But I don’t get your AIBU. He disagrees with you and you argued about it. The case is an emotive one but unless you think you can shout or talk your way into agreeing with each other, then you had a row because you disagree on something. So just don’t talk about it again and there won’t be any arguing.

I’ve watched 3 episodes.

So far I’m getting an impression that he has had to overcome some significant issues, disability, broken home, losing a beloved mother so young, and financial instability yet rose to become a national hero, an olympian, loved by women admired by men.

Then I started to catch a glimpse of a different man, a corruption of the man I thought he was. Someone reckless, petulant, selfish, controlling and ultimately a liar and a murderer.

I’m not getting any apologist vibes.

I find this so upsetting. Men's violence against women needs to be called out everywhere, and become totally unacceptable. Nobody should be interested in what the fuck Pistorius thinks about anything or what he's doing; men should stigmatise the fuck out of men who hurt, threaten, intimidate or frighten women, and challenge broadcasters and media platforms when they peddle content like this. This should be a given in media, the entertainment industry, the arts, sports, politics and the judiciary. There should be no coming back from DV and femicide.

YABU.

AnyFucker is right. And how the everloving fuck can his conviction be “his word against hers” when her mouth has been shut forever by death because her murdered her. It’s his word against witnesses and forensic evidence. His word lost.

This sounds like it’s been an eye opener for you in terms of realising that actually your husband doesn’t like women very much.

I liked this review in the Guardian.

<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=amp.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2020/nov/01/reeva-steenkamp-was-murdered-shame-on-the-bbc-for-forgetting&ved=2ahUKEwiWh_vcmPbsAhU2VRUIHTKdAzkQFjALegQICxAB&usg=AOvVaw1cmjbItCywBpdZvX3iyiHW&ampcf=1" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=amp.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2020/nov/01/reeva-steenkamp-was-murdered-shame-on-the-bbc-for-forgetting&ved=2ahUKEwiWh_vcmPbsAhU2VRUIHTKdAzkQFjALegQICxAB&usg=AOvVaw1cmjbItCywBpdZvX3iyiHW&ampcf=1

I found the Netflix series much more balanced than last night’s documentary.

Dick, I think the OP's AIBU is something like "AIBU to feel really frustrated that my DH doesn't share my clarity of vision on this issue, and feel shocked that he isn't prepared to condemn a convicted murderer as resolutely as I would have hoped?"
I feel for you, OP, so disappointing.

I was watching while doing stuff on the laptop but eventually it caught my attention how disgustingly biased it was. I had to put it off. Disgraceful

Does he watch Ted Bundy documentaries with an open mind too? I'd find his attitude really off putting to be honest.

@CGWGWOO

I’ve watched 3 episodes.

So far I’m getting an impression that he has had to overcome some significant issues, disability, broken home, losing a beloved mother so young, and financial instability yet rose to become a national hero, an olympian, loved by women admired by men.

Then I started to catch a glimpse of a different man, a corruption of the man I thought he was. Someone reckless, petulant, selfish, controlling and ultimately a liar and a murderer.

I’m not getting any apologist vibes.

Absolutely this. I second everything you have said here. I have watched all 4 episodes and you have described it perfectly. Reeva has not been forgotten at all, she is featured throughout, the interviews with her family are heart wrenching and the horrific manner of her death was not played down.

I'm watching it atm. We don't realise just what a violent society SA has. I watched a lot of the court room at the time of the trial and was horrified at the way he casually used guns. I'm just starting P 2.

I think before the trial I thought it was an accident but the prosecutor put up so many arguments as to why it wasn't giving the evidence taken from the scene. Her mother held up so well going to the trial, her father was unable to cope every day.

The Guardian opinion piece strongly condemned it. Shame on the BBC. Shame on your husband.

I haven’t watched this but I did follow the trial. Definitely guilty. Definitely a murderer.

Amazon have documentary series on this. Its worth watching.

I couldn’t even bear to watch it my dd looks so similar to Reeva 🙁

He murdered Reeva Steincamp.there is no. IFs buts or feminist slant to it. How your husband could defend him is astounding.

podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/redhanded/id1250599915?i=1000402432729

This is a good podcast on him

He’s been convicted for a reason tell your apologist dh

Good guardian piece though

Yes masculinity and violence is a way of life for many South Africans, his fascination for and collection of guns was massive he was a violent man before he murdered her.