Arguing with DH over the pistorious documentary

[youdidask]

So my husband has been watching the BBC documentary on Oscar Pistorious

The whole tone of it sickens me, his family are interviewed repeatedly saying they believe him, it show the evidence presented by his legal team - totally biased in his favour.

Now DH and I often disagree on what he sees as my feminist bias against men and I see as his 'but he's a sportsman so women are out to get him excuses'

For example we have had arguments in the past about certain footballers who have been convicted of crimes against women still being in the public eye playing for big name clubs etc.

The Oscar documentary has pissed me off because the man was convicted and then had his crime and sentence upgraded on appeal. There is no doubt he killed her and was a nasty man.
He's watching it with and 'open mind' and apparently 'I'm so closed minded because I've changed and all men are always wrong'.

My daughter came in during the part about him trying to get approval to race with able bodied men and his description of the events were his word against hers? And she was shot- at this point I get cross and we have a row.

He's diggin in on this, and I know I'm not wrong because the man was convicted.

Not sure what my aibu is reallly

@SandyY2K

I used to lock myself in the bathroom when my angry controlling x was raging at me.

Damaged bathroom doors are a telling sign of domestic violence and abuse...it's the one room in a house that has a lock.

Housing officers with housing associations and local authorities look out for this.

Wow? Really? I thought nobody would believe me.

I started watching it purely because there was nothing else on I wanted to watch and because of the offensive trailer of last week. I thought it might turn out the trailer had been misprepresentative. I was really shocked at what I saw and ended up watching the whole thing to see if another side of the story was ever shown. I felt very uncomfortable with it. Why make over 5 hours of TV about what a great person a murderer is?

It's never settled well with me that his defense boiled down to, "I didn't mean to shoot the white woman, I thought I was shooting a black man," with his claim that he thought he was shooting at someone breaking in to his house.

Yes, ridiculous that you'd shoot a burgular who went for a wee. As if.

@wigglerose

It's never settled well with me that his defense boiled down to, "I didn't mean to shoot the white woman, I thought I was shooting a black man," with his claim that he thought he was shooting at someone breaking in to his house.

That’s why his manslaughter charge was overturned by the Supreme Court, they ruled he intended to kill whoever was behind the door be it a black man or a white woman.

Yes. Black men burglar's have notoriously weak bladders

It's so infuriating and frustrating when they just don't get it. Not only that, but they refuse to acknowledge and accept the opinion (and facts from) of someone who does or worse,has lived through it(not the murder,but mysoginy in general,male violence,sexism etc).

It's all two sides to this,except they have never been on the other side.

I don't get why you are arguing about a possible murder in a different country. Brexit I understand, even the USA election but this? It hardly impacts our lives.

I watched something the other night and whilst I feel desperately sorry for Reeva's family and friends (and her name was mentioned more than twice), I think there is a lot of doubt about Oscar Pistorious's guilt. I think this will be debated forever but - not by us, surely.

I am astonished at the young women who are showing support for Johnny Depp atm there is support Johnny memes going round for a violent alcoholic

@Mrsjayy

Yes. Black men burglar's have notoriously weak bladders

It sounds so ludicrous doesnt it. How did he present this "defense".

@Mrsjayy

I am astonished at the young women who are showing support for Johnny Depp atm there is support Johnny memes going round for a violent alcoholic

Well. Having listened to the tapes of them fighting i had to change my initial view. She is a very damaged person.

Regularsizedrudy. Do fuck off dear.

We've been together 20 years, my feminism has grown and evolved especially since we've had kids.
No we didn't discuss things like this before we got married.

I haven't watched the whole thing so I hope it does go into why there is no doubt.

Now DH and I often disagree on what he sees as my feminist bias against men

I would find this very unsettling and highly unattractive. Is his identity so fragile that he finds it threatening to accept that male violence against women is rife and more often than not goes unpunished?

Is he the kind of man who says 'well I'm not like that' or 'nobody I know would do that' as if that has any bearing on the wider issues of male violence and the patriarchy?

When someone's default response is to essentially defend themselves when they aren't the accused or the victim, it's a sign they aren't actually open to seeing the harsh realities of life and therefore won't be doing anything to challenge / improve or fight the status quo. I would feel so disappointed in a man like that.

@DickBastardly

I haven’t seen this documentary but know about the case.

But I don’t get your AIBU. He disagrees with you and you argued about it. The case is an emotive one but unless you think you can shout or talk your way into agreeing with each other, then you had a row because you disagree on something. So just don’t talk about it again and there won’t be any arguing.

But remember that when the chips are down,he won't have your back.

Well. Having listened to the tapes of them fighting i had to change my initial view. She is a very damaged person.

She is I agree but I really think support Johnny is taking it too far they are as bad as each other.

@jessstan1

I don't get why you are arguing about a possible murder in a different country. Brexit I understand, even the USA election but this? It hardly impacts our lives.

I watched something the other night and whilst I feel desperately sorry for Reeva's family and friends (and her name was mentioned more than twice), I think there is a lot of doubt about Oscar Pistorious's guilt. I think this will be debated forever but - not by us, surely.

It's not always about the specific instance a documentary is about, it seems the issue is an ongoing position of 'bloody feminists think all men are bad and we aren't' from OP's partner, rather than him being open to acknowledging what is problematic about the patriarchy and systemic sexism.

It's not a bias. The evidence painted the pucture. The ballistics expert'/s evidence in particular showed he aimed towards the noise he had admitted hearing.

Being ignorant and ill-informed is forgivable in partner (and others obviously) but if there’s a pattern for dismissing this sort of violence and always trotting out lines like “not all men” or “you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors” then I’d show them the door - way too many red flags

So does it get better each episode ie. "better" in the sense of being less biased towards Oscar? I've got it recorded but if its an attempt to prove he was innocent or cast doubt on the verdict I'd be so full of rage its not worth me watching...?

Your husband is a misogynist.

He’s not a good man.

He is totally and utterly a murderer and I'd be beyond disappointed if any man I knew stood up for him, let alone my husband.

I disagree with DickBastardly because this goes beyond just a difference of opinion. To me, anyway.

Pistorious is a very unpleasant man. I saw him in the 2012 Paralympics and he didn't win his race and his response was really horrible and then all the "he had illegal blades" afterwards. Until then I'd thought of him as a decent bloke, fine athlete but went off him immediately. Obviously, I didn't think "well he's probably a murderer" after that, but when the details came out it sort of didn't surprise me, if that makes sense. I got the impression that he is used to getting his own way and not caring what or who gets hurt along the way.

I've not watched the documentary that's currently on because I'd heard that Reeva Steenkamp is hardly considered in it and that makes my blood boil.

I saw the first episode last night so I can't comment on the whole documentary but I also felt that it was biased. Not sure I'll watch the rest, the facts speak for themselves and I'm in no doubt as to what happened to Reeva.

I don't get why you are arguing about a possible murder in a different country. Brexit I understand, even the USA election but this? It hardly impacts our lives. He has a wife and at least one daughter. And yet his attitude seems to be that it’s ok for men to be rapists and/or murderers of women if they’re good at sport and that rape victims are just out to get sportsmen. I’d say that impacts on the OP’s life, and the lives of any woman who might ever need his support (God forbid), hugely.

I was in SA at the time and followed this. Can't believe the original judge went for the self defence argument, he went out of his way to go to the toilet so he could shoot into it. Horrible man. The level of sexism in SA is unbelievable

apple.news/AVrWfvAMuQEqOAgE0Nd-mPA

He was a great athlete but a terrible person. Her poor family.