Arguing with DH over the pistorious documentary

[youdidask]

So my husband has been watching the BBC documentary on Oscar Pistorious

The whole tone of it sickens me, his family are interviewed repeatedly saying they believe him, it show the evidence presented by his legal team - totally biased in his favour.

Now DH and I often disagree on what he sees as my feminist bias against men and I see as his 'but he's a sportsman so women are out to get him excuses'

For example we have had arguments in the past about certain footballers who have been convicted of crimes against women still being in the public eye playing for big name clubs etc.

The Oscar documentary has pissed me off because the man was convicted and then had his crime and sentence upgraded on appeal. There is no doubt he killed her and was a nasty man.
He's watching it with and 'open mind' and apparently 'I'm so closed minded because I've changed and all men are always wrong'.

My daughter came in during the part about him trying to get approval to race with able bodied men and his description of the events were his word against hers? And she was shot- at this point I get cross and we have a row.

He's diggin in on this, and I know I'm not wrong because the man was convicted.

Not sure what my aibu is reallly

Ugh I couldn't even bring myself to watch that, sounds like glorifying a murderer but you see that so often, like you say OP, especially if it's a sportsman, women are really bottom of the pile

I didn't even know about this documentary, as it most certainly isn't being aired here. I am in South Africa.

@Bathsebawasontheroof
AdultHumanFemale
Dick, I think the OP's AIBU is something like "AIBU to feel really frustrated that my DH doesn't share my clarity of vision on this issue, and feel shocked that he isn't prepared to condemn a convicted murderer as resolutely as I would have hoped?"
I feel for you, OP, so disappointing.
Exactly this. It’s about endemic misogyny. My DH can be like this too. It’s hugely uncomfortable for him when misogyny and male privilege is pointed out to him and he’ll tie himself in knots trying to come up with some kind of alternative view or othersideism.

This is much better put than my OP and exactly how things are with DH

I've watched quite a lot of the documentary, still have some to go.

I found it extremely interesting, especially Oscar Pistorious's background of which I knew nothing; I was also interested to hear what South Africans had to say about South Africa.

There is so much more to this case than we realise.

ther eisnt jess

he shot his girlfriend in the bathroom shes dead

end of case

It did mostly focus on him and his achievements at first, but his life has been truly remarkable, so that made sense. Once they start to introduce the Marc Batchelor issues and the gun obsession and the wider SA context, it stopped being about his achievements and focussed quite rightly on his actions and guilt.

Reeva was quite rightly featured a lot contrary to what some have said. There were incredibly painful interviews detailing what she was like and how much the world lost with his brutal actions.

There genuinely was doubt at first, his story was not completely implausible given the SA context, the trial and investigation was necessary.

Roping his achievements in as mitigation is completely unacceptable and I'm not sue if the documentary avoided this completely. Certainly his supporters don't.

@GabsAlot

ther eisnt jess

he shot his girlfriend in the bathroom shes dead

end of case

Well yes, he is serving a prison term for it.

Whether he deliberately shot her or genuinely thought there was an intruder is debatable. However none of us was there.

@jessstan1

I've watched quite a lot of the documentary, still have some to go.

I found it extremely interesting, especially Oscar Pistorious's background of which I knew nothing; I was also interested to hear what South Africans had to say about South Africa.

There is so much more to this case than we realise.

I watched this and found it interesting.

I remember the case even though it wasn't that long ago but had forgotten lots of the details

I found it fascinating looking back at interviews and clips, with the knowledge of what he'd done and seeing the signs of an angry, arrogant and rudderless person. Fascinating insights from family, friends, ex girlfriends, journalists and legal experts. And of course Reeva's family and friends. She certainly features heavily and again, with hindsight, it was clear then relationship, which was relatively new, was rocky.

I
I didn't see it as biased towards him, in fact I thought it perfectly illustrated how people can be feted and looked up to, but the reality is quite different

There genuinely was doubt at first, his story was not completely implausible given the SA context, the trial and investigation was necessary

I believe even her family thought it was accidental at first? I’m sure I remember them speaking supporting him to start with.

And NO murder is simple. In order to try and prevent things like this happening we need to understand people and their motivations.

I haven’t seen the documentary but I did follow the trial very closely.

There’s no question that he killed her, and that he knew that he was killing the person behind the door and was reckless and violent. He’s rightly in prison.

However, his explanation/defence is plausible. I’m not saying it’s true, just that it is possible and that he is the only person who will ever know for sure. There was no evidence to PROVE either version of events.

It’s not unreasonable or apologist or disrespectful to the victim to acknowledge the possibility that his version is the true one.

It was appallingly biased I thought. Really don't understand why it was aired by the BBC. Did they not watch it? His aunty (and anyone else they could drag out) saying he's a lovely boy and can't possibly be guilty. No sympathy at all for Reeva's family. My dh thought the same.

I recall a lot about the case & still don't feel convinced that Pistorious was guilty.
Also don't care very much.
Can't you just let your partner have a different opinion & move on?

Even if women were "out to get him" as your husband thinks do you then shoot them dead????
Surely a mature person would end the relationship and walk away.
if I shot dead everyone who pisses me off in life there would be a wholesale massacre.

Yes the family thought he was a lovely boy but the majority of those commenting weren't saying that

I thought it was interesting, covered lots of angles and certainly didn't paint him in the sainted light that some are claiming

Do you think you have to watch the whole thing? First episode had me effing and jeffing and I rarely eff and jeff. It gave me the absolute rage but I thought they would balance it by the end. Then it finished and I was still WTFing when I discovered it's a fecking SERIES!! Not sure I want to see anymore.

It's worth watching it all to be able to form a balanced opinion. Though we don't really need to have any opinion.

@coffeelover3 you realise that this wasn't true?

The policewoman was referring to a drunk woman, who argued with her bf and then Oscar asked her to leave and slammed the door injuring her.

There were no domestic violence incidents.

Not saying I think he's innocent but at least get the facts right

@Ravenesque I remember watching that Olympic post-race interview too. He didn't come across well at all - I remember feeling surprised at how bitter he seemed and it stuck with me as poor sportsman like.