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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother in law

57 replies

Banwell32 · 09/11/2020 12:35

So me and my partner have been togwther for three years have a baby together and we are engaged. I get on with his mum ok although i get the feeling they dont really like me. Before me my partner was with a girl for five years who his mum loves. Now here is the aibu my daughter his is one is in the kitchen brings me a magnet of mil fil my partner and his ex girlfriend in it was a magnet stuck to the fridge was seething didnt bother letting it show. I just think this proves that shes never liked me. Me and my partner have a baby ffs why is there still pictures of her all around the house! Im just upset as when by baby gets older shes going to be asking about who that lady with daddy is! So my whole aibu is am i over reating to feel this way?

OP posts:
Original poster
Banwell32 · 09/11/2020 12:37

Lot of typos in there my bad

OP posts:
WitchOfTheWest · 09/11/2020 12:37

That's weird. I'd bin the magnet and say nothing!

JumperooSue · 09/11/2020 12:38

YANBU, that’s really hurtful and disrespectful to you. How did your partner feel about it?

CC12939 · 09/11/2020 12:40

Thats horrible. Have you asked her why she still has photos of his ex and can you ask her to take it down or get your partner to tell her its not appropriate?

Svelteinmydreams · 09/11/2020 12:40

It’s a fridge magnet. Are there other photos of the ex - you say pictures all around the house?
If that’s the case, it’s a little insensitive, but it’s not up to you to police her photos nor any relationship she has with the ex.
And your child will learn that daddy had a past - why is that a bad thing?
Sorry, you are being a bit over sensitive

Lizadork · 09/11/2020 12:43

They may just be really good photos of her son and good memories, maybe weird to have them still on display but not harming anyone really and over time the photos likely will be put away/replaced. When your child asks, just be honest and say "that was daddy's girlfriend before he met mummy". Your partner has a past, okay not to hide it or bin it.

Whysrumgone · 09/11/2020 12:43

@CC12939

Thats horrible. Have you asked her why she still has photos of his ex and can you ask her to take it down or get your partner to tell her its not appropriate?
She totally can NOT ask someone to take their own fridge magnets down in their own house because she doesn’t like it!
Original poster
Banwell32 · 09/11/2020 12:44

He thinks its out of order and will talk to her but tbh i make all the plans so they have a realationship as my partner is shit at it and i get nothing back i said to my partner im done making the effort after yesterday and he was hetting angry and deffensive but my partner has apprently hid that same magnet ages ago round the back off the fridge so she has found it and stuck it back on.

OP posts:
ReggaetonLente · 09/11/2020 12:46

I would absolutely hate it too OP but i don't know what you can say about it. In all honesty I'd probably stop going round there much

Lizadork · 09/11/2020 12:46

Also fridge magnet is a old family photo of mum, dad, son and son's girlfriend at the time. As the inlaws I would it as consider it as family shot, if just got a big photo of ex-girlfriend on fridge on her own .... weird. But family portrait, normal.

flaviaritt · 09/11/2020 12:47

That magnet would be doing a little disappearing act...

saraclara · 09/11/2020 12:50

I adored my PILs and they loved me. But for the entire duration of our marriage they still had a photo on the wall of my late DH and an ex girlfriend! It was a great photo, and they still had a little bit of contact with the girl as she was the SIL of a cousin in another country.

It didn't bother me in the slightest! She was no threat to me, and I think PILs probably almost didn't notice the picture any more, it had been up so long!

Stop giving your DH grief about it. If they are doing it deliberately, laugh it off instead of letting then see that they've got to you.

BrumBoo · 09/11/2020 12:51

Is the magnet still up to make a point? Maybe.

Do you have a right to mention it? Not at all.

OP, you seem very young with a lot going on from your other posts. Maybe just let this one go.

peboh · 09/11/2020 12:52

My in laws still have a few pictures that have dh ex girlfriend in them around the house. They're family pictures that have special memories attached to them. I would never even dream of asking them take them down, at first it made me feel a little uncomfortable but my husband is with me not here. Their relationship ended, and yes his parents like her but that has bearing on their relationship with me.
Giving you the magnet is wrong though.

Original poster
Banwell32 · 09/11/2020 12:52

I dont think id even care if i didnt know they all still think he made a big mistake breaking up with her just feels like no matter what ill be trying to live in that womens shodow and it will never be good enough them because ive had a baby young 22 even when i announced my pregancy she said nothing as soon as her daughter got pregant a big post about how both of us are pregnant and how excited she is (she smacked my partner when she found out)

OP posts:
BeyondMyWits · 09/11/2020 12:55

Everybody has a past. I was with an ex for 5 years, I still have the odd photo, dh has of his previous partners.

My MIL has a couple on display because they are happy reminders of moments of HER life, nothing to do with me at all.

She sometimes calls me by one of the ex partners' names too. Not because she prefers them, but because she is old, and they were nice people in her son's life too.

DC3Dakota · 09/11/2020 12:57

I couldn't really understand your OP it was all a bit muddled but I'm guessing it's something to with a picture and a fridge magnet his child picked up? If so YABVU that's the child's family

peboh · 09/11/2020 12:59

Oh it was the child you gave you the magnet? Not the mil?
I take back my it's wrong, that's her family she wouldn't have seen anything wrong with showing you. Yabu.

DC3Dakota · 09/11/2020 12:59

She 'smacked' your partner when she found out you were pregnant????? 😮Wow is steer well clear of his entire family, they sound rough as bumholes

Merryhobnobs · 09/11/2020 12:59

My mother in law still had wedding photos of my husband with his previous wife. Didn't bother me in the slightest. I have no desire to erase the past and secure enough to not feel jealous.

KiposWonderbeasts · 09/11/2020 13:02

YABVVU

Your DP’s mother has a photo magnet in her own home of herself, her husband, son and his previous girlfriend with whom she had a great relationship.
So what?
In these shitty times, things that remind us of past happinesses are needed.

Do you expect everyone to pretend no previous girlfriends existed? Go through and edit their past to suit your insecurities?

Don’t be so daft. Her house, her memories, and none of your darned business.

YoniAndGuy · 09/11/2020 13:05

Your MIL hit her son when he announced that you were pregnant?!

Ok, well that changes things. I think I'd be working very hard to minimise the time any of my family - that's you, your DD, your partner - spends there. Absolutely cut that contact back as much as possible in any way you can.

Oh and next time you are there, take the magnet and chuck it - though it's hardly the most important thing here.

Krampusasbabysitter · 09/11/2020 13:06

OP, don't be a martyr and bend over backwards to accommodate MIL. If you are unhappy about how they treat you then don't have much contact and leave it up to your DP to remain in touch.

BrumBoo · 09/11/2020 13:14

@YoniAndGuy

Your MIL hit her son when he announced that you were pregnant?!

Ok, well that changes things. I think I'd be working very hard to minimise the time any of my family - that's you, your DD, your partner - spends there. Absolutely cut that contact back as much as possible in any way you can.

Oh and next time you are there, take the magnet and chuck it - though it's hardly the most important thing here.

It's not for me to say what the MiL did or did not do, but the op has a history of being... dramatic.

She has absolutely no right to throw away something that belongs to the MiL though. Unless she wants to cement the family's dislike of her.

phoenixrosehere · 09/11/2020 13:27

Are there any pictures of you in the house?

I think it comes down to that really. If there aren’t any pictures of you but there are of his ex that is a problem, but I would leave them to it. However, with your update, I agree with you leaving your partner to deal with his mother. She doesn’t like you and there is no point in trying to make her like you. You’ll find it easier when you leave him to it and you don’t have to deal with her unless you have to. It shouldn’t be your job to remind your partner to contact his mother especially someone who doesn’t like you.