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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother in law

57 replies

Banwell32 · 09/11/2020 12:35

So me and my partner have been togwther for three years have a baby together and we are engaged. I get on with his mum ok although i get the feeling they dont really like me. Before me my partner was with a girl for five years who his mum loves. Now here is the aibu my daughter his is one is in the kitchen brings me a magnet of mil fil my partner and his ex girlfriend in it was a magnet stuck to the fridge was seething didnt bother letting it show. I just think this proves that shes never liked me. Me and my partner have a baby ffs why is there still pictures of her all around the house! Im just upset as when by baby gets older shes going to be asking about who that lady with daddy is! So my whole aibu is am i over reating to feel this way?

OP posts:
Leaannb · 09/11/2020 13:33

@CC12939

Thats horrible. Have you asked her why she still has photos of his ex and can you ask her to take it down or get your partner to tell her its not appropriate?
I would be telling jer and my son that it's not appropriate for them to tell me what to do in my house and show them the door. People have pasts and sometimes there is photographic evidence of that past. It jas nothing to do with the future. I have a large family portrait of my Son and his bride with my mom and nan. Its also got my other's son ex iand her parwnts in n the photo. I am extremely close to my son's ex and her family. We vacation with her parents. Should I be told its inappropriate to have in my home? No. Should my dil say anything to me about? No. I dare her too. Should she remove my property from my home without my consent? No and she would face consequences for that act.
Leaannb · 09/11/2020 13:34

@phoenixrosehere

Are there any pictures of you in the house?

I think it comes down to that really. If there aren’t any pictures of you but there are of his ex that is a problem, but I would leave them to it. However, with your update, I agree with you leaving your partner to deal with his mother. She doesn’t like you and there is no point in trying to make her like you. You’ll find it easier when you leave him to it and you don’t have to deal with her unless you have to. It shouldn’t be your job to remind your partner to contact his mother especially someone who doesn’t like you.

Jas she taken any photos with the family? Has she given the MOL any photos of her family?
Derbee · 09/11/2020 13:35

If you’re “seething” because your MIL has a fridge magnet of a photo she likes, that happens to have an old ex gf in it, that might be why they don’t like you? It’s over sensitive and immature to be so riled about something that doesn’t matter.

phoenixrosehere · 09/11/2020 13:41

Jas she taken any photos with the family? Has she given the MOL any photos of her family?

Has MIL’s son given her any photos of their family?

Simplyunacceptable · 09/11/2020 13:44

I’m guessing they just like the photo, maybe it’s one of their only photos with your DP (their son) and they don’t want to bin it as a result. Or maybe they just forgot all about the magnet, it’s easily done especially if they have a few magnets.

I don’t think they did this to spite you.

saraclara · 09/11/2020 13:53

@Derbee

If you’re “seething” because your MIL has a fridge magnet of a photo she likes, that happens to have an old ex gf in it, that might be why they don’t like you? It’s over sensitive and immature to be so riled about something that doesn’t matter.
Yep. I'm sorry but you sound really hard work, OP.
Leaannb · 09/11/2020 13:55

@phoenixrosehere

Jas she taken any photos with the family? Has she given the MOL any photos of her family?

Has MIL’s son given her any photos of their family?

Obviously not if he won't even bother making plans with them
CrazyOldBagLady · 09/11/2020 14:00

It's a bit odd to have pictures of exes displayed in the house, especially when the son has moved on and had a child with someone else. I suppose they may not notice it anymore, but now it has been brought to their attention it would be polite to put it away somewhere.

Do they actually have photos of her all round the house though? That's quite different to one small magnet on a fridge.

kittykat35 · 09/11/2020 14:01

My mil has a group wedding photo (BIL's Wedding) her sitting room wall with my dh's ex in it OP. She offered to take it down after many years and after we got married but I really didn't see the need. It doesn't mean anything OP, so she liked the girl. Who cares? You are the one who has his baby and is engaged. There's nothing to be threatened over.

katy1213 · 09/11/2020 14:03

What a fuss about nothing. And I can see why your mother-in-law was tempted to clobber her son for getting you pregnant!

Boom45 · 09/11/2020 14:07

I have a fridge magnet with a picture of the pope on it, doesn't make me a Catholic. I think you're really over reacting massively, even if the magnet is a coded message that she prefers your partner's ex why do you care? So long as your partner doesn't it really doesn't matter

Vivi0 · 09/11/2020 14:16

@katy1213

What a fuss about nothing. And I can see why your mother-in-law was tempted to clobber her son for getting you pregnant!
I have seen comments defending all kinds of crazy behaviour from mother in laws on here, but defending violence from one is something else entirely.
Vivi0 · 09/11/2020 14:44

@Svelteinmydreams

It’s a fridge magnet. Are there other photos of the ex - you say pictures all around the house? If that’s the case, it’s a little insensitive, but it’s not up to you to police her photos nor any relationship she has with the ex. And your child will learn that daddy had a past - why is that a bad thing? Sorry, you are being a bit over sensitive
Unless daddy has children with the girlfriend in the photo, it is completely unnecessary for a child to learn that mummy or daddy has a “past”.
lifestooshort123 · 09/11/2020 14:54

I'd back off from them as they are not keen on you. Over time they might thaw a bit when they can see your son is happy but they do have the right to like one girlfriend over another. It also sounds as though they hoped you'd move on but once you got pregnant that wasn't going to happen. Concentrate on your little family and try not to get so easily riled because you don't want them to be proved right, do you?

Svelteinmydreams · 09/11/2020 14:58

@Vivi0 I am not advocating educating a child on one’s past, but it is a normal part of life, iF said child asks, I would just say, ‘she’s a friend’. End of.

Original poster
Banwell32 · 09/11/2020 15:02

Thankyou for all your replies not sure how to delete the post? Because i think i have enough opinions lol

OP posts:
Original poster
Banwell32 · 09/11/2020 15:08

Ill justdelete my account so i dont have to put up with the mean mum brigaide lol i orginally joined this group for advise as young mum who has no friends with children but it does me no good every time im on here i havent posted for a long time i now remeber why i left last time anyways adios mums net haha

OP posts:
Crankley · 09/11/2020 18:11

YABU why shouldn't she have any photo she wants in her own house. If she is still friends with the ex, even more so. I guess it's making you feel insecure.

Whatsonmymindgrapes · 09/11/2020 18:24

Grow up. Your a mum yourself now, this is childish pettiness.

NullcovoidNovember · 09/11/2020 19:08

What does your partner feel about this? Maybe he hates this ex?
Maybe he still loves her?. Maybe he doesn't want to be reminder of her?
I think seeing as they don't have dc and op is now the mother's of her grandchild, it's disrespectful and I would personally take down pics of dd with ex bf... If she started a family with someone else and we wanted to be supportive and look forward.

If however dd had kids and split with their dad.... I may keep up pics of kids their dad etc...

NullcovoidNovember · 09/11/2020 19:15
  • of course they have a right to prefer one gf over an others.. They can't help how they they feel either.

However.. It's not very diplomatic is it and hardly smooths the path for good relations now with op, who is sensitive and upset.

The main thing op is how your partner feels about his ex...

As pp said pull back from making such an effort with the in laws... It's not your job to help him have a relationship with his parents... Change your expectations...

Don't blame him for their photos.. And concentrate on your own family.

Good luck.

PurpleFlower1983 · 09/11/2020 19:17

I would definitely bin the magnet discreetly!

HTH1 · 09/11/2020 20:20

Bin it and deny all knowledge.

BackforGood · 09/11/2020 21:30

I agree with most. YABU. You are showing your immaturity with your last post.
Totally agree with @Leaannb 's post nr the top of P2.
You can't dictate what photos someone else has up in their home. If there were a 2' x 3' canvas pf the two of them looking lovingly into each other's eyes above the fireplace in the main living room, that would be different, but this is a memory of a nice day out, stuck on their fridge. Totally up to them.

Derbee · 10/11/2020 10:26

Your latest update says it all OP. They don’t like you because they think you’re an annoying immature little brat!