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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Even if my boss was joking it's still a horrible thing to say

119 replies

CristinaYangsBrain · 08/11/2020 21:19

I work a minimum wage job. I was chatting to my boss today and I mentioned that I had bought a small food item from M&S and suggested she might like it too.

She stared at me for a few seconds and then said to me "If you're shopping at M&S I'm clearly paying you too much." and then walked off. She wasn't smiling or anything but she does have quite a dry sense of humour usually.

AIBU or is this a really horrible thing for her to say?

OP posts:
FangsForTheMemory · 08/11/2020 22:38

It’s a put-down. She doesn’t think you’re equals in terms of what you eat so she put you in what she feels should be your place. Can you find another job?

SandyY2K · 08/11/2020 22:39

@StealthPolarBear

It is not a joke. It's a way of putting op in her place

I agree with you.

I also find it to be a power play when anyone says "I pay you"...and Ive had to pull a manager up at work for saying this...as it's a public sector organisation and they don't pay the staff...it's done to assert and intimidate in this person's case

PanamaPattie · 08/11/2020 22:39

M&S isn't the most expensive supermarket. She should try shopping at her local Spar shop. The fact that you know she shops at M&S means she has probably told you - like you should be impressed. As if.

Wtfdidwedo · 08/11/2020 22:43

It's a joke. Lighten up.

honeylulu · 08/11/2020 22:44

Yes I agree it sounds mean and was intended to keep you in your place. There's a lot of that kind of attitude across many industries. I'm in law and have to fight for every pay rise even though I'm one of the most profitable lawyers in the firm. I've paid off my mortgage thanks to inheritance (and savings/lucky timing on the property ladder) but I keep that very quiet as I know the equity partners would use it as an excuse that I didn't "need" the money, whilst pocketing their half a million a year drawings.

They often make snarky comments about staff who go on nice holidays etc. It's like one rule for the top bods but the hoi polloi should all be tugging their forelocks in gratitude for being allowed to work at their estimable establishment.

gingerwhinger0 · 08/11/2020 22:46

You feel hurt by her comments, so she's either a shit joke teller or she wanted to hurt you and put you in your place. You work with her, so you decide what you think she was trying to do.

Yellownotblue · 08/11/2020 22:53

@Genderless

The point is she's in a position of power. It's different from colleagues joking about m&s being fancy or not.

If a male boss said this, I doubt half the people saying it's a joke would say the same. Such statements from a boss can be unsettling to the receiver especially when you can't tell if it was a joke or not.

Unless you're chummy with this woman, I'd believe what she's shown you to be who she is and what she thinks of you, which is that you shouldn't be able to afford m&s for whatever reason.

^ This.

My Regional CEO said something similar to me (though it was over something more substantial than M&S). It turns out he really did feel he was paying me too much. I had negotiated an excellent package for myself and he never forgave me for being a better negotiator than him.

CherryPieface · 08/11/2020 22:54

I used to bump into my boss in M&S and he always said, oh fancy seeing you here, we must be paying you too much.

He thought it was hilarious, I just thought he was a dick.

I think it’s probably quite a popular joke, even though it’s terrible and offensive!

happinessischocolate · 08/11/2020 22:55

I think it's a joke, but a snide one. If she shops there all the time she probably thinks she deserves better quality food at M&S prices but someone on NMW doesn't.

Years ago, I went into work just before Christmas with new hairdo, cut and colour, and my boss said the same "if you can afford that I'm obviously paying you too much" to which I replied nope it's a Christmas pressie from my mum, and you need to be paying me more. That shut him up 😁

OhTheRoses · 08/11/2020 22:57

As the boss, I think that was an unpleasant and unnecessary thing to say. I have some very low paid staff (well above min wage) and I wouldn't dream of saying I do all my shopping at M&S or Waitrose, or that we go to the opera, etc.

nestisflown · 08/11/2020 22:57

If it was a joke surely she would have carried on the conversation rather than walked off? I definitely think it was a snide superior remark designed to make you stay in your lane.

grassisjeweled · 08/11/2020 22:59

Says far more about your boss than it does you.

aintnothinbutagstring · 08/11/2020 23:01

Well if she's only paying minimum wage then clearly she can't pay you any less can she? So she's a deluded idiot. I work a low paid job that is a little above minimum wage and I shop at Ocado. Not everyone working low paid is necessarily badly off, I work with lots of older people who've paid off their mortgages, have new-ish nice cars and holidays, they're working where we are to keep things ticking over til they retire and the company pension is not too bad. Anyway, it's M+S, not F&M Confused

EvaporatedHour · 08/11/2020 23:08

She sounds like a bitch! Especially as she shops at M&S herself. It is as if she's saying to you that as one of her lackies you're not good enough to shop there.

Serin · 08/11/2020 23:15

God, she is embarrassing isnt she.
Totally crass.
Can you leave? Find something else?
I wouldnt want to work for her.

EvaporatedHour · 08/11/2020 23:16

It also really pisses me off how some bosses try to lord it up and make out you should be so grateful when they only pay minimum wage.

firesmoke · 08/11/2020 23:24

my boss makes comments like this , usually about holidays, earns 4 times my salary with even higher income partner. was moaning about losing holiday during lockdown , replied that they wished they could afford a holiday , along with a snide "must be paying you too much"

shinynewapple2020 · 08/11/2020 23:36

I know what you mean OP. I still remember several years back telling my boss about a holiday I was doing on and he commented similarly. It is like they are saying you are worth less then them . Idiots .

MrsJasonIsbell · 08/11/2020 23:40

Your boss is not nice!.

WhatifIfeellikeacat · 08/11/2020 23:43

It was meant to sound like a joke but it wasn't. Also that lady is delusional if she thinks everything at M&S is very expensive. Some things are cheaper than in Asda.

MrsToothyBitch · 09/11/2020 00:06

It was mean and designed to put you in your place. When I worked in retail I noticed we often got similar off customers if they thought we had "nice" things or we had similar stuff to them.

I had one woman gleefully light up to say "I bet you were better paid there" when she found out I'd originally trained as a teacher. She did not like the reply "it doesn't actually matter what I do for money- my parents are loaded". I have a posh voice and got away with it! She never cheeked me again!

upsetandang · 09/11/2020 00:17

@wellthatsunusual
lol at this
sorry but asda is a rip off compared to aldi

rosamacrose · 09/11/2020 00:21

She's paying you the NMW, so she's not paying you too much, she couldn't pay you less.
Sounds like she regrets that and would certainly pay less if she could get away with it.
She's just reminding you of your place in her world.

pallisers · 09/11/2020 00:33

What a pity you didn't have a chance to say "actually, pay me a penny less and you'd be in trouble with the law .... ha ha"

pallisers · 09/11/2020 00:35

this reminds me of when interest rates went up and my tone deaf boss said to one employee "aren't you lucky you don't own a house" to which she replied "that's like saying aren't you lucky you don't have any bread now that there is no butter to put on it"