Even if my boss was joking it's still a horrible thing to say

[CristinaYangsBrain]

I work a minimum wage job. I was chatting to my boss today and I mentioned that I had bought a small food item from M&S and suggested she might like it too.

She stared at me for a few seconds and then said to me "If you're shopping at M&S I'm clearly paying you too much." and then walked off. She wasn't smiling or anything but she does have quite a dry sense of humour usually.

AIBU or is this a really horrible thing for her to say?

HoneyRoar that's a perfect response to her!

More people who don't understand that not everyone is the same as them and their colleagues. Just because in your work this would be seen as a joke does not mean it would be everywhere.

Is she like an actual.boss, or just a higher grade than you in a larger organisation?

If she wasn't obviously joking, it sounds like a pretty crappy thing for a boss to say to an underling. I would take pleasure in eating as much M&S /Waitrose / Booths food as i could in the office. In fact, i'd be tempted to buy something like a Fortnum & Mason lunch box, just to wind her up. However, i am colossally childish, and am probably not the best person to take advice from!

Quite clearly the woman is a bitch.

Ignore, move on, and don’t give her another thought.

She’s a sad jealous person

Oh god. That gives me flashbacks to the boss who told me she wouldn't be giving me a pay rise as I "had too many coats." I was paid a bloody pittance for what I did.

I left. Then went back 6 months later on a big pay uplift, reporting to someone else

YANBU op, what a horrid thing of her to say. Quit if you are able to. Don't let people speak to you like that. The fact she wasn't smiling says it all.

@wellthatsunusual

I'm usually of the 'don't take things to heart' school of thought but it just comes across as a really snide comment. The sentiment behind it isn't actually unusual, it's pretty common for people to think that people on lower incomes shouldn't have nice food. It's often dressed up as concern that they must be terribly irresponsible with money if they dare to buy anything other than Asda Smart Price, but there is an underlying sentiment of feeling that they just don't deserve it.

You hit the nail on the head there.

I'd think she was commenting on the ridiculous price of m&s food more than anything.

It's funny

Said in banter amounts work colleagues would be different to how and whom you’ve described.

I’d say yes, it sounds like she was being a bitch. My dad would say this sort of ‘joke’ to one of his employees, he’s a sexist wanker. HTH

Rude. You work there, she doesn’t own your soul. Remember who you are and avoid her “banter” she is ill mannered at best.

Depends on a lot of things

Workplace culture / team culture
Relationship with her is it jokey/ friendly/ matey
Is she an off the cuff quickfire joke person in general and that one was poorly judged

Or... Not.

None of us can say really as we don't know the people.

In general i would say that the person who holds the purse strings and is paying minimum wage, saying that to an employee is ill judged.

And if they're not in a relationship with op/ team that jokes about and takes the piss generally then it is a dickish thing to say.

She's the business owner. She shops at M&S all the time which is how it came up.

Maybe it was a joke about M&S prices but it made me feel a bit upset.

The more I'm thinking about it the less unreasonable I feel. If a coworker had said something similar to me I wouldn't have been offended because we're in the same position.

If my boss said it, I'd take it as a joke (albeit a really unfunny one)
Only you know your boss and the way it was said.

In most cases I’d say this is a joke and quite funny? I guess it depends on context a bit—if she’s a lot more senior than you and known for being horrible then yes it’s mean. Mainly due to power dynamic of you earning less—if it’s someone on your level then nothing wrong with it.

Sadly some people can be very jealous over the smallest things even if they could afford the same, its like you should know and stay in your place. She sounds a bitch but you know what she's like now, tell her nothing else.

But do tell us what little gem you have found in M&S!

It depends on the relationship. Only the Op will know if it was said in jest or it was a serious dig.

If it was my current boss it would be in jest because she is absolutely lovely.

I can think of an old boss who would really mean it. In fact, I'm sure he would make a mental note to remember things like that in order not to give people a pay rise. Mind you, no one actually ever got a pay rise so he probably used it to justify it to himself!

I'd take it as a joke

@CristinaYangsBrain

She's the business owner. She shops at M&S all the time which is how it came up.

Maybe it was a joke about M&S prices but it made me feel a bit upset.

The more I'm thinking about it the less unreasonable I feel. If a coworker had said something similar to me I wouldn't have been offended because we're in the same position.

It sounds like there’s some backstory here then so sounds like your manager was being unreasonable. I’d let it go though for the sake of harmony (and keeping your job!). I know it’s difficult at the moment but I’d quietly be looking for another job.

Easier said than done I know but try not to dwell on it - if she wasn’t joking then it’s definitely her problem, not yours - spending a couple of quid on a treat does not mean you’re being paid too much, and she’s unhinged if she genuinely thinks that.

That's the kind of thing my boss says to people but in a joking way and everyone laughs.

The fact she shops there stops it being a joke imo

Yanbu

I think that is very mean and hurtful. I think I'd be tempted to look for another job. There's joking and downright nastiness. I couldn't feel the same about somebody after this.

This was definitely meant as a joke OP. You've even said yourself she has a dry sense of humour.

Im with some previous posters that this would be a joke in my office and nobody would take offence to it.

Not a joke. Even if it was dressed up as one. Sounds like she’s trying to squeeze everything out of you even the last bit of M&S treat joy. Don’t let her.

Maybe you should start talking about some expensive purchases you are making. Watch her squirm. Your finances are none of her actual fucking business.